Today, I asked Alexa to turn on my baby's white noise machine. Instead, she started playing Pharrell Williams's "Happy" while the baby was asleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was WFH on a video call with my team when my toddler barged into the room. As I tried to calmly guide her out, she managed to turn my Bluetooth speaker on, which started blasting "Baby Shark" to my entire team. They now have a new nickname for me. FML
Today, my daughter decided to wake me up by putting the vacuum in my hair and turning it on. FML
Today, I realized that my baby stops crying loudly whenever I turn on the vacuum cleaner. I'm either stuck with a fussy baby all day, or the roaring sound of a vacuum cleaner. FML
Today, I set my phone alarm to play a calm piano song so I’d wake up peacefully. Instead, Bluetooth connected to the speaker in my roommate’s room and blasted my alarm at full volume at 6 a.m. for both of us. FML
Today, I'm so tired from constantly soothing my crying 2 month-old baby that I've started trying to soothe inanimate objects with baby talk whenever they make a noise. My fridge started beeping and I began an involuntary chorus of, "It's OK darling, shhhhhh, it's alright." FML
Today, my five year old niece decided to wake me up by shoving blasting earphones in my ears. Five hours later I can still hear Justin Bieber shrieking "Baby". FML
Today, I was having an intense argument with my girlfriend. At the height of it, in a rare moment of total silence, Alexa announced, “Now playing: ‘Someone Like You’ by Adele.” We both stopped, stared at the speaker, and then continued arguing while Adele sang on in the background. FML
Today, my Google Home decided the TV told it to play 'Despacito'. It didn't. Google then decided I wasn't yelling at it to turn it off. I was. FML
Today, I tried to create the perfect playlist for a road trip. I spent a long while curating it, but when I hit the shuffle button, it started playing a bunch of annoying nursery rhymes. Apparently, I'd accidentally merged my list with my nephew's. FML
Today, my mother surprised me with a new alarm clock. It's attached to a toy car which races around my room with obnoxious sirens going at full blast until I crawl out of bed and turn it off. She says this will be a regular thing. FML
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Top comments
ahabsfan 17
At least it wasn’t Whitesnake, Great White or White Zombie.
rainbowdonnareed 18
From one veteran mom to a new mom. Get the child used to noise.
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Comments (4)
ahabsfan 17
At least it wasn’t Whitesnake, Great White or White Zombie.
RichardPencil 32
Or Average White Band or White Stripes or Vanilla Ice?
bound101 7
The great white snake zombie...
RichardPencil 32
If you want a "white noise machine," just ask for "FOX News."
rainbowdonnareed 18
From one veteran mom to a new mom. Get the child used to noise.
RichardPencil 32
Especially diverse noise. Don't be racist!
bound101 7
if only there was a heart button, I would use it for this comment...and RichardPencil, this made me laugh
ojoRojo 27
I feel this in my soul. One time I was playing lullabies on Apple Music and the playlist ended so it played random “related” music after, and Mickey Mouse started talking loudly while by baby was asleep. I was not pleased haha