Today, while I was on the floor stocking a bottom shelf, a man walked up behind me and humped the back of my head. He ran away laughing. This kind of shit happens all the time. I hate my job. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, at work at a store, I was sitting on the floor stocking a bottom shelf. A woman in a motorized cart did not see me, and ran over my hand. When I alerted her about what she had done she laughed. FML
Today, as I was working in retail, this guy shoved me into the shelves for asking if he needed help with anything, screaming at me that I need to leave him alone. FML
Today, I was at work, stocking shelves. A customer got mad because I was in the way of her "shopping time" and knocked down all the work I had done. FML
Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML
Today, I was working at a grocery store and a man came to my register to ask for the price of a mop. I took the mop from him to scan it without realizing the pole was between his legs. I hit him in the crotch with the pole. FML
Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML
Today, someone came into the store I work at, laughed at my name on my name-tag, and left without even buying anything. FML
Today my Assistant Manager decided to pull a prank on me by walking up behind me and screaming my name. I screamed in terror and then swung around and punched him, full force, dead center in the chest, right in front of my supervisor, manager, and several other employees. FML
Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML
Today, I was on a ladder at work, fetching some stock from one of the storage shelves. Some teenage kid thought it would be fucking hilarious to grab the ladder and violently shake it. He hadn't bet on me being startled enough to fall off and fracture my elbow on the floor. FML
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Top comments
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
Where the hell do you work? The stock room of a strip joint?
Katiekhalifa_fml 28
There are few times where it is acceptable to hit a man in the balls, but in the case of someone humping the back of my head, I would have probably done it. That's just rude.
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Comments (217)
funnynesh 10
If only jobs were fun...
iamyummylicious 14
That's why you obtain a "career" that you enjoy. :) Yay college?!
Jonkbaby 23
why were you stalking I mean, weird
marinus_fml 20
#1, my job lifeguarding at a water park is extremely fun. Not only do I get to spend everyday outside, but there are ample chicks in bikinis. On the negative, you also occasionally see women 60+ who think they can still sport a bikini.
NuTrees 9
I saw that at a Lady Gaga concert. Her back up dancer served a nice routine to the back of a security guards head.. I think his job was fun. I wanted to join.
funnynesh 10
There are good jobs and bad jobs out there. OP just has one of the bad ones. But I would rather be sleeping than working. (my opinion)
Jonkbaby 23
17 follow your dreams..
funnynesh 10
13- I wasn't. I don't stalk people. Though I think youse of been referring to the stalker over there?
funnynesh 10
*yourself
funnynesh 10
Wait that comment didn't make no sense.... DONT WORRY
Betz 10
The thought of finding a new job has always been at the back of op's head...uh, mind.
LunaDragon 10
Op must work at wal-mart (aka Hell-mart), kinda of shit always happens to me. I feel you Op.
LiveLaughFML 10
#13 he wasn't stalking, he was stocking, haha :)
g_asia 4
I got paid to organize and play sports in high school for a summer camp thing. Best job ever!
widdizzles 0
It would be funny if i were a bunch of girls.
Lulicah 3
Don't work at Starbucks...ewww I can't stand it.
JonnyGoldsmithXX 0
#87 - That would be funny, considering you would be one person in multiple bodies.
ppeanutbutter 1
#89 whats so ******* wrong with starbucks?
DocBastard 40
What's so wrong with Starbucks? You mean other than the drastically-overpriced coffee that's worse than swill? Hm, can't think of anything.
ohxdamnxkay02 12
next time just ball tap him... i bet he wont be humping anyones head anymore, (wow never thought i would have to say that)
widdizzles 0
87 i meant it
norotors 16
Still, getting paid.
KiddNYC1O 22
I work with airplanes. 'nough said.
tjv3 10
You should have chased him down and beat him. Don't just sit there and get f@cked in the head
ATSViper 15
You must feel extremely special.
skyguy89 0
Wow you must be extremely hot for that to happen as much as you say it does.
flockz 20
THE BACK OF YO HEAD IS RIDICULOUS!
zombicidal 11
work that updo girl. that is one fine pony tail
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
Where the hell do you work? The stock room of a strip joint?
funnynesh 10
...
Jonkbaby 23
ha this made me snort
TPSerigne 9
Yeah because that exists...
hatesfate 6
Sarcasm fail
enopola 5
Someone has to stock the glitter and baby oil.
ladyLALAA 29
Yeah and strippers need bronzer in bulk!
Stealth_Void 4
Welcome to Walmart.
Cero_Kewl 0
BINGO! We have a winner.
funnynesh 10
Then again, At least you get some action
goldfishgod 20
And some protein-rich conditioner.
funnynesh 10
Mmmmm nice…
Jonkbaby 23
I could use some protein rich conditioner (no ****)
kelseyyup 5
This sounds like Ellen's dance dare at work
Katiekhalifa_fml 28
There are few times where it is acceptable to hit a man in the balls, but in the case of someone humping the back of my head, I would have probably done it. That's just rude.
DjeePee 25
The big problem is that OP can get fired if she does that.
DQEight 8
Just yell "what" like someone called you and snap your head back hitting him.
KeyboardWarrior 10
59 Or she could get them fired for what appears to be rampant sexual harassment. If it happens as often as OP says it does, it shouldn't be too hard to prove either.
DjeePee 25
How can she get them fired if they don't work at her store? She doesn't know the names of those people. Call me sceptic, but I doubt those men ever will be punished.
Katiekhalifa_fml 28
If her job has cameras, which they probably should if they don't, since people shoplift and whatnot, she can prove it and credit it as self defense.
mariet_fml 23
If OP's boss tries to fire him/her, OP can take this story to the press. "I defended myself against sexual harassment because my boss would not defend me." It'll be easier to get the headlines if OP is female, but sexual harassment at work is usually newsworthy.
DjeePee 25
And then the boss can react: "OP kicked male customers in their family jewels. We don't tolerate that kind of behaviour from our employers, even with sexual harassment. We feel sorry for OP, but it's important for us that our costumers feel safe and happy while shopping and that's nearly impossible when employers start to brutally attack them" Still sceptic.
KeyboardWarrior 10
My case is assuming it is one of OP's coworkers. No way of knowing.
DjeePee 25
She said it was 'a man'. I think she would told it if it was a coworker, don't you?
maronofhearts 19
Just admit it Djee you lost no matter how skeptic you are self defense against sexual harassment caught on tape isn't going to end badly for OP. even in your theory of her boss firing her anyway because I assume he's an idiot not only would he be slammed with public backlash but the lawsuit she files getting an attorney to get all the store tapes to prove how many times he's harassed without management doing anything will be enough money that she'd never have to work there again anyway. Especially since the public is already on her side the boss has no chance. He'd be better off keeping her and giving her a raise itd be cheaper an save him the embarrassment.
tygerarmy 35
The OP would be fired and charged with assault. The OP was not being harmed and you want them to have responded with violence. Self defense only applies when there is and immediate threat to life or limb. The store will probably do nothing if the OP reports it. And at most ban that man from the store, but the OP stated this was a frequent problem so it will occur again with other men. I second accidentally head butting or shouldering his nuts.
KittySaysMoo 6
God damn. Just enjoy the FML ._.
ninjaboy18 6
Next time do a head bang. He will never do it again.
redbluegreen 41
That blows, but stop being such a fuckhead and get a different job.
memob123 0
In this economy?
The_Hitdude 12
redbluegreen-Yeah, because jobs are just SO available right now. Remind me which time period you're living in again?
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Puns people, puns!
DocBastard 40
RBG, on behalf of all the FML users who DO understand sarcasm and puns (all 4 of us), I appreciated this comment. And to the rest of you fuckheads who are voting this down and making dumbass comments, you're all idiots.
philipino 24
I got it. I don't know why it was so buried. . .
ErinBeam 1
I see what you did there
desireev 18
Lmao!
TheWindowLicker 13
Its actually 5, Doc. I understand sarcasm and puns...most of the time.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
You're all idiots.
smurfsarwales 9
It's been so long since I've seen you here redbluegreen. Made my day. Every one else who was a decent commenter has ditched fml, good to see a commenter I know.
FYLminerocks 7
Well I think we can stop blaming the economy. The unemployment rate is over exaggerated and nothing compared to other countries and the great depression..
redbluegreen 41
Take a joke you guys. Some of you take this website way too seriously at it's actually embarrassing.
zachlibby 4
At least you weren't standing up.
redbluegreen 41
I'm sure OP is thankful for that small miracle.
iwantaslurpee 0
^at least he wasn't facing the other way.
MargieDrury 1
it's only the immature ones that do that because there disrespectful.
funnynesh 10
*their Sorry I pick up on these things
marinus_fml 20
They're* Sorry, I pick up on these things. If you're gonna be a grammar Nazi, at least do a good job. Dumbass
Katiekhalifa_fml 28
Actually, it's they're*...you don't pick them up very well, clearly. EDIT: 19 beat me to it):
marinus_fml 20
21, you're actually more correct than me. Mine shouldn't have been capitalized! However I'm going to blame that on my iPhones autocorrect of putting a capital at the beginning of a sentence.(:
MargieDrury 1
Lol I like how when people reply on comments it's usually hatful stuff this is Juss grammar.
marinus_fml 20
Yes 48, It's "juss" grammar, but since 16 took the time to "correct" the poster, but failed as well, it's should be pointed out that they are a dumbass, for trying to correct someone albeit they have no clue what they are talking about.
Pinkfl0yd 9
48, *hateful *just
MargieDrury 1
I am just saying it's the iPod. That does it.
DocBastard 40
You're really blaming your iPod for changing "they're" to "there"? For the love of ****, just admit your mistake and LEARN FROM IT.
MargieDrury 1
Tf? I type my iPod "fixes" it like and who the duck cares if I learn from my mistake if you wanna be a petty ******* bitch alright good for you. It's a touch screen electronic people mess up.
WOGBRO 6
52- You're a bit of a grammar Nazi yourself.
philipino 24
Piss off Margie, Doc wins every fight. He only enters when he knows he will win.
MargieDrury 1
What ******* fight? You both can stfu this gramma petty stuff can go to hell. ******* petty ass bitches.
PYLrulz 17
And yet if you turned around and punched him in the nuts, you'd get fired. FYL indeed!