I'm doing fine

Today, trying to prove I can handle things solo while my wife is away. I packed my kid’s lunch, dropped him at school, and felt very accomplished… until the teacher emailed me a picture of the lunchbox. I had packed my own leftover spicy curry instead of his sandwich. Apparently, “It was too spicy but also kind of good.” FML

Today, I came home to my wife packing a bag. We had been fighting recently and I understood why she was leaving, but then I noticed she wasn't packing her stuff. She explained that I was the one who was leaving, she was just packing my bag. FML

Delivered

Today, I brought my lunch to work in the only box I had lying around my apartment - a small one from FedEx. When I went to the bathroom before lunch, I returned to my desk to find that one of my coworkers had mailed my lunch back to my apartment. FML

Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML

Today, I got off work early to go home and surprise my girlfriend with lunch, only to come home to her in the middle of packing up all of her stuff. FML

Pet peeve

Today, I got home from work to see that not only had my wife opened my bag of potato chips, she'd ripped it all down the side and left it open all day without a clip. Now my chips are stale. She has a whole bag of her favorite flavor, unopened, right next to it. FML

Hello, goodbye

Today, my wife of three years asked me to meet her for lunch at Subway. When I arrived, she was standing in the parking lot. She handed me a footlong sub, said "I got you a turkey sandwich" and followed it up with "And I'm leaving you." FML

Today, I went to my husband's work to give him lunch. His assistant told me his "wife" was in his office. FML

Feed me

Today, after I packed my lunch last night and put it in the fridge, I grabbed my bag and left for work. At lunchtime, I opened it and found an empty container. I'd packed the container but left the food in the fridge. FML

Well played

Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML