Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML
Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML
Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML
Today, my 4 year old son told his preschool teacher that his daddy could pick up 10,000 cows but couldn't pick up his mommy because she was too heavy. I'm the mommy. FML
Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML
Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML
Today, my mom told me that when my sister and I were born, the first thing my dad said was, "I hope they don't turn out vegetarian." I did. FML
Today, I asked my mother why she had me in the first place, as we never get along. She replied because my father wanted me. So, I called my father to ask him the same question, he said he only wanted to have me to keep my mother around, and that didn't work, so I was a waste. FML
Today, while at a family reunion, my parents kept bringing up horrible things I did when I was about 4-6 years-old that I've been trying to forget for decades. After a while, I just stormed out. When I came back in the room, my dad had the nerve to ask me why I left and why I wasn't talking to him. FML
Today, my grandmother told me that since my dad was a mistake, I too am a mistake. FML
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Top comments
SadLittleTurtle 11
That's udderly hilarious.
cutycat136 28
At least you know he won't lie to you
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Comments (51)
pete9913 23
A lot of parents tell their kids they were an accident just messing with them. That may have been his best opportunity to really play it up.
lishabear 21
Being an accident is not the same thing as being unwanted though. More than half of all pregnancies are accidents. I think most parents learn to love their little 'surprises' and wouldn't have it any other way.
pokysmalls 14
I had twins that were a surprise, but not once have I ever thought of them as accidents. ....****** up to say that to your kids
GingerFace09 13
I think it's an honest thing to say. I mean, most of the people you see in any given location are accidents. It just means you weren't planned. Not that they didn't want you.
leogachi 15
@27 I was an accident, and so were both of my siblings. "Accident" doesn't mean "bad thing", it just means "unplanned".
hardcorefan16 22
That's messed up.
IssacB 14
At least he's honest with you. At least he didn't run out even though he thought you an accident. See both sides OP. :)
Kittyphysics 21
right. I mean, seems like he got better with time. most people are so not ready for their first children, and they just kind of wing it. your dad sounds pretty cool op
blueyoshi_fml 16
I couldn't help but cringe at this, my father broke both his foot as a kid and his arm as an adult from cows deciding to give him a good kick during milking. I'm glad you weren't injured as a kid.
I_see_your_anger 10
Both his foot?
momof3honeybee 13
feet?
MSHippie 5
both his foot and his arm... the wording was just weird Lol
VeganDarkLight 31
So what? A lot of of children are accidents and their parents love them nonetheless. I'm also pretty sure most parents feel a little overchallenged at first. You seem to have a good relationship with your dad if he tells you childhood stories and is that honest; that's all that matters, isn't it?
worldclassrager 41
It could have been worse right?
assassinmaster 22
"insert a troll face to your dad's face" Your dad is a real troll....
writerchic85 26
Is your father Tom Green?
nattlecakes 19
Hey you needed the calcium
TopiaryOwl 18
Why is sucking on a cow's udder so weird if you're going to drink the milk that comes out of it anyway? That's just as weird, I reckon, especially because um it's made for baby cows, not humans. ?
Kittyphysics 21
right, it could have been a bull...
Kaylyn15 23
Bulls don't have udders....