Today, I woke up to my cell phone alarm buzzing. It wasn't time to wake up yet, so I snoozed it. It buzzed again, this time with "One New Voicemail." I had "snoozed" my nephew. Stationed in Iraq. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my alarm went off, and in my half-asleep state, I grabbed my phone and snoozed it. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd actually snoozed my work email notification for the same amount of time, and my boss was emailing me every five minutes, asking where I was. FML
Today, I turned my phone off for the first time in three weeks to have a one-hour nap. I had kept it on because my next door neighbour has health problems and I offered to be an emergency call if he needed help. I was woken up by two ambulances arriving at his house. Turning on my phone, he'd left me 5 voicemails. FML
Today, I forgot what I was doing while listening to a voicemail and started talking back to it. FML
Today, my alarm went off. I snoozed it, and went on to dream that I got out of bed, did my business, brushed my teeth, took my breakfast, changed into my working attire, and was ready for work that morning. My alarm rang a second time, I had to do all that over again. FML
Today, I attended a funeral. During the minute of silence, my phone went off. My ringtone is "It's good to be alive". FML
Today, I was woken up from a phone call from my boss. He asked if I had been asleep. I told him I wasn't, that I was in my car on the way to work. Then my alarm went off. FML
Today, the phone kept ringing so I picked it up and answered. When there was no response, it took a minute to realize that I was still in bed and talking to my hand. FML
Today, I was visiting my new in-laws for the first time. During an awkward silence, I took my phone and figured I'd send my friend a text jokingly saying "Mayday, mayday! Somebody save me!" My mood lightened up a little and I felt quite well until my mother-in-law's phone beeped. Yep. FML
Today, on the train, I got excited when I suddenly noticed I had a missed call and voicemail from a boy I liked. With a grin on my face, I told my friend. My dad overheard and said, "Oh sweetie, he probably had the wrong number." The voicemail was blank. I texted him. The call was indeed an accident. FML
Today, I set my alarm to wake up early for work. It turns out I set it for PM instead of AM. I woke up to my boss calling me, asking if I was still alive. FML
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Top comments
dudeitsdanny 10
F his life... At least hes okay. This stuff happens. Hppefully you can reach him
MadeOfAwesome 1
Your ringtone and cell phone alarm should be different sounds
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Comments (78)
dudeitsdanny 10
F his life... At least hes okay. This stuff happens. Hppefully you can reach him
joeyrocks 0
true
uhohuscrewedup 0
aww poor guy, well u should write a letter and send him a gift
dman5 0
that sucks. tell him mad people said good luck. what is he in army navy MARINES!!! good luc to ur nephew. don't worry 5 people in my family went to Iraq and try all came back alive with all there body parts
OlChickenBeard 16
Good Lord, dude, learn some grammar.
cofcgrad07 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
DUDE im sorry i know what your going through except its my husband... they call when your never around to answer it.. i think its a man thing, they just know when your busy or sleeping haha! good luck and i hope he tries reaching you again! hes in everybodies prayers! God bless the US military! WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA Press 1 for English. Press 2 to disconnect until you learn to speak English. And remember only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, JESUS CHRIST. And the AMERICAN SOLDIER. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.
lunargh 7
You might want to work on your understanding of 'you're', if you're going to bash people for not being able to speak English properly.
Twinklestar 0
I think a lot of people would wonder if it was satire when they got to the "the other for your freedom" part. And you have to wonder what a Native American would think about learning the national language when arriving in a new country, or at very least learning the language you're going to colonize it with properly.
RuralNinja 0
Jesus died for everyone, whether you reject his gift is up to you, but not wanting it doesn't make it disappear.
SupaMario_fml 0
Did Jesus die for my hamster Jerry too? It was a nice hamster.
iwadasn 33
America does not have an official language, and it never has. The founding fathers chose not to give it one because they wanted America to be a place where people of any nationality could come without fear of oppression, making America "the great melting-pot." And while many people are irritated by immigrants who have come here and continue to speak their native languages instead of English, most don't realize that this is not a new phenomenon brought on by the recent increase of Mexican immigrants. In colonial times, there were so many German immigrants who didn't learn English that many colonies posted all signs in both English and German, just like some signs are posted in both English and Spanish today. Nobody thought it was un-American then and it shouldn't be considered un-American now. It is in fact very American, because it is how the founding fathers intended this country to be. Before you continue to use misplaced patriotism as an excuse for prejudice, perhaps you should think about what America really stands for.
lwdjaymac 1
I'm a catholic, but having religious nutjob fundies spew out shite like #5 pisses me off to no-end. If I want to be preached to, I'll go to Mass on a Sunday. And I can't think of any Americans who have died for my freedom.
Ascaryrobot 0
Táku kȟoyákipȟa he? Maybe you should speak the native language of your own country...
morella_xx 29
Did your husband volunteer to go to Iraq to escape being near you? I'd certainly consider it if I were him.
mshafty 0
Jesus isn't dead! he did some landscaping for me just last week.....wait, what jesus are we talking about??
BlinkOnceForYes 0
I think that we NEED an official language. Not saying that everyone has to speak English ALL the time. But as far as being in the public/workforce/schools. People should speak English. It SHOULD be the official language. Not everyone can do and say as they please all the time- if no one learned English or no one learned Spanish as a second language- no one would be able to communicate with each other. Also there's French, German, Russian, Chinese, Italian, Spanish, Japanese, Farsi, and many many many others. We can't have ALL signs say ALL languages just to please everyone. SO sure this great idea of a melting pot place where no one language is the official, is just foolish. Unless of course we want to break into thousands of different tribes and countries within America.
cofcgrad07 0
Afghanistan thank you very much! and no because he wants to get an education on the governments GI bill guess were not that stupid after all!
Fekenator 0
you ******* bitch jesus didn't die for me, but my boyfriend did when we were walking home one night, a mugger shot at us and he took the bullet for me and died later that night in the ER please go **** yourself
mzhonesty 0
I'm a Protestant, and although I agree that it's very annoying to hear people preach in places that it's most likely not welcome, I'm also very offended by comments like #18 who make themselves seem like asses for not respecting the beliefs of others. No matter how annoying anything is to me, I'll never flat out try to embarrass someone else for their own beliefs as much as I won't preach.
DarkJoy_fml 5
My friends we can all get along and find peace in the world if we simply follow the commandments of the one true religion "Pastafarianism." Please find the flying spaghetti monster and allow him into your hearts. I know that this religion is true and I bear my witness of it thereof. For more information about the one true religion please feel free to visit http://www.venganza.org/. :P
waterynuggets 0
RAmen #49. Peace and meatballs to you, my friend.
VraelVhalen 0
I don't care what your beliefs are as long as you don't tell me my beliefs are wrong and try to force your beliefs on me.
medic1 0
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T THINK OF ANY AMERICANS THAT DIED FOR YOUR FREEDOM? ARE YOU EVEN AMERICAN? WOW!! AS A SOLDIER THAT HAS BEEN TO IRAQ, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE TO COME HOME AND BE LOOKED DOWN UPON FOR THINGS WE'VE DONE TO KEEP THIS COUNTRY HOW IT IS!! I LOST MY BEST FRIEND. SOMETIMES I JUST FEEL LIKE SCREAMING "I WENT TO IRAQ FOR YOU?! YOU DON'T DESERVE IT!!!" LET ME PUT AN M4 IN YOUR HANDS AND YOU GO DEFEND THIS COUNTRY.
someone2me2 1
Lol #40 got a Spanish landscaper
someone2me2 1
May his noodly apendage spread across the world RAMEN brother lol
MissBoo111 21
obviously you live under a rock because look around or just turn on the tv and there are plenty of people who are risking their lives or who HAVE died for your freedom in this country you may not know them but they still fight for you
hiitisbrooke 28
Well, you can if it does exist,, WHICH IT DOES !! I'm only 12 and I've known that forever.
johnnythreetears 2
you jackass. if you don't support our armed forces go live in a war zone. see if you would recognize their heroism there! our soldiers shouldn't have to die for pigs like you.
johnnythreetears 2
you're a jackass. it's sad that our heroes in the armed forces have to die to protect people like you. all soldiers are heroes! so just go take it in the ass or something
MadeOfAwesome 1
Your ringtone and cell phone alarm should be different sounds
marid_fml 2
Sometimes they aren't but you're so drowsy you mistake one for the other. Er, edited to make the point I meant to make.
Rickilynn1 10
It said it was vibrating
Cruth 2
Haha good 1 @6 Also I and i'm etc.
AntiChrist7 0
Lame FML
NotNegativeNews 0
So.... call him back? :S
Nic_hole 0
awwww that suxx!!:( I'm sorry!
great_dane 0
you're grammatically incorrect. :(
applesmoothiee 2
I hope YOUR joking because nobody gives a shit about grammer. this is the internet :)
applesmoothiee 2
hmm...ok you have a point but i said grammer for a reason. just sayin' Have a nice day