Today, I realized that no matter what I accomplish in life, I'll always be remembered for being the son of a woman so stupid that she claimed she used to be Elvis Presley's mistress. She was still an infant when he died. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad was having an affair on my mom with. FML
Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend's mom still refers to his ex as 'the daughter she never had.' FML
Today, my grandmother told me that since my dad was a mistake, I too am a mistake. FML
Today, 98 year-old mom with dementia thought she was talking to one of my dead sisters and not my wife, telling her she'd better never tell me who my real father really, that I ruined her marriage. She won't have me ruining her reputation, so her getting pregnant with me from an affair was my fault apparently. None of my siblings ever told me. FML
Today, I accidentally called my boss "Mom." Now she is jokingly telling everyone that I'm the long-lost daughter she gave up for adoption, because she knew I'd be a failure. FML
Today, at the reading of my mother's last will and testament, I found out that despite having cared for her for the final years of her life, she denied me an inheritance. She basically said I'm an embarrassment, because when she wrote it, I was 31 years-old, with no wife or children. FML
Today, my parents finally got married. At the after-party, my mother got drunk and informed me that even though she and my father were now married, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a bastard. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML
Today, I realized that even though I was an honor student throughout school, and considered the golden child who was going to go far in life, all I've accomplished a year after graduation is becoming an unemployed single mother still living with my parents. FML
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Top comments
KasiaLilith 13
You have an extra push to graduate, get a job and move out on your own ASAP, nobody has to know who your mom is and what she has done. On other hand, as long as she was a good mom to you, you should jot be embarrassed of her.
Amama_fml 30
No shit, Sherlock.
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Comments (104)
blackman100 20
Your mom sounds like a liar. Sucks for you OP.
Amama_fml 30
No shit, Sherlock.
Superstitious 6
On a cold Minnesota morning, another little baby child was born In the ghettoooo...
BrandiLush 31
#29-Dig deeper Watson!
amDes 11
well I know the alleged son of Keano Revs son. He was so embarrassed of his mom he moved Provence .... maybe that will help?
Gvfell 9
I think we are missing something important here. Op's mother was an infant when she died. What.
Aleys_fml 21
OP's mother was an infant when Elvis died.
pooldude 24
You have made an excellent deduction, sherlock!
fucMyLifeSoHard 18
70- Try that again but in English.
mercifulbane 3
what a "smart" woman
NotAddictive 6
Well aren't you clever!
KasiaLilith 13
we found ourselves a Sherlock!
KasiaLilith 13
You have an extra push to graduate, get a job and move out on your own ASAP, nobody has to know who your mom is and what she has done. On other hand, as long as she was a good mom to you, you should jot be embarrassed of her.
onlychildFTW 34
Exactly, the sooner they move out the sooner they can make their own reputation, hopefully a better one! Maybe move to another city one day, if that is possible. Haha.
V_for_Vendetta_ 3
After all, It's the thought that counts
onlychildFTW 34
What???
Pwn17 25
I think this comment was meant for the FML below this one.
The_Big_Boss 20
I want what your mom is smoking
CallMeMcFeelii 14
I have some PCP laying around here somewhere if you're interested. Last time I toked on thee ol' wet I saw aliens outside of my window. They all looked like Shia Labeouf! Helluva a day I tell ya, hell of a day..
Vanessa_Leeann26 17
I wouldn't say she was stupid, but more along the lines of a habitual liar who believes other people are stupid enough to believe her stories.
Nyx_fml 23
So... uhm... an FML commenter then?
Vanessa_Leeann26 17
Precisely
Vanessa_Leeann26 17
I'm going to start using that... "Thread jacking dickface" has a nice ring to it. Lol
\ 28
Well you got the "habitual liar" part right, but I don't know about the "thread-jacking dickface..."
awilliams44 9
Luckily my mums a normal crazy
Peachy2392 26
There's no such thing as a normal crazy. :)
Ambient25 25
So who did she say your dad was OP?
awkwardloveannie 28
maybe she doesn't know and said the first person that came to mind
onlychildFTW 34
That sounds right 48.
brackaman 18
@9 Moses
TheCaramelKing 11
Either your moms a ******* lunatic, or your not much younger than her...
Ambient25 25
*you're....and what??
Ambient25 25
No my comment was asking who she might have said was OP's father. If she claimed to be Elvis's mistress, then OP's dad may have been claimed as Babe Ruth or someone. As for 11's comment, I realized that, hence my reaction...
23lf 16
Op's mom has to be at least 13 years older than her
sunnyray812 42
I'm sorry, OP. Your mother's faults at lying shouldn't be held against you.