Today, I finally finished vacuuming my downstairs. Instead of finding the wall outlet and unplugging the vacuum, I triumphantly tugged the cord from across the room to release the plug from the wall. It flew at me at top speed and hit me in the face. FML

Housecleaning

Today, I walked into my bedroom and realized I really needed to clean it. As I started to pick everything up off of the floor, I tripped over a shoe, slipped on a water bottle, pulled down my shoe rack, and landed in my armoire. My room is now dirtier than it was when I started. FML

This sparks no joy

Today, I took a good look, and I mean a really good look around the house and I realized that if I simply threw away all my wife’s useless crap she bought and hasn’t used in years, or even unwrapped from the plastic, we could probably move into a smaller, cheaper house. FML

Peak efficiency

Today, I got round to organizing my apartment, sorting everything into boxes and shelves. However, due to my arbitrary sorting method, I now can't find everyday things because they're not in their usual place (in a clutter on my desk), including the charger cable I used five minutes ago. My place looks organized. My life does not. FML

Today, I saw the blueprints for my family's new house. My room is half the size of the room next to it. The room next to it is my step mom's walk-in closet. FML

Give me strength

Today, I wanted to clean my house. Of course the vacuum cleaner got stuck behind furniture multiple times. After the fifth time or so, I gave it a good pull. Now my vacuum cleaner is broken and the socket is off the wall. FML

Roommates from hell

Today, after a month of living in a pigsty of an apartment with my roommates, I spent the day cleaning the place out. When everyone returned home, instead of thanking me, all they could do was point out the spots I'd missed. FML

Proper job

Today, with words of encouragement from my mom, I vacuumed my room. After finishing and admiring my job well done, I went to put the vacuum away. It caught on the plug for my electric razor which was dangling below the dresser and yanked that and everything else that was on top of it off. FML

Reach

Today, I finally moved into my own flat - no family, nor messy flatmates. Should be great, except for the fact that I'm so short, I have to climb onto the counter in the kitchen any time I want to reach my shelves. Like a child. I'm going to break my fucking neck. FML

Stinky

Today, I realized that my flatmate showers so little that the furniture she uses smells like BO. FML