Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family. I asked her if she wanted something to drink, and my brother reacted by snorting and calling me a "cuck". Apparently offering your girlfriend a drink means you're being cuckolded now. God, I hope he was adopted. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family. My brother insulted her weight so many times she left in tears. Not only does he not understand why what he did was wrong, he’s genuinely livid with me for being upset with him, to the point that he damn near slugged me when I confronted him. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend’s family dinner when her father suddenly raised a glass and said, “Let’s all raise a toast to the new couple!” I looked at my girlfriend, confused, only to realize he meant her brother and his now fiancé, who had just announced their engagement an hour earlier. I quickly but awkwardly raised my glass to avoid admitting my memory is dogshit. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's brother. When he saw me, he whispered into my boyfriend's ear, "So, this is your bitch eh? Nice!" FML
Today, I finally met my girlfriend's family. When it was time for dinner, I was sent upstairs to get her brother. When I walked in, he was laid out on his bed getting a rimjob from his cousin. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's extended family for the first time. Her family kept telling her how much I looked and acted like her older brother and I'm guessing by the end of the day she agreed, because now she pulls away and gags when I try to kiss her. FML
Today, my fiancé came home drunk with some girl. Then he told her that I was his sister. FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents, despite my long-standing protests. Over the next hour, they asked her if she'd ever considered becoming a swinger, why not, if she'd ever consider it in future, and to keep them in mind if she does. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my family. It was going well until my 23 year-old sister started telling him in detail about her constipation, and that if she doesn't take a shit in a few days, it's going to come out of her mouth. FML
Today, I brought my new girlfriend home for dinner. My mom was being unusually quiet, so I thought she was trying to be polite. After dinner, she pulled me aside and asked why I'd never mentioned that my girlfriend had dated my brother. Apparently everyone knew except me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I went to taste some wine with some friends. I drank a little too much and referred to him as my brother to a random guy. Let’s just say I put a strain on my relationship. FML
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Top comments
Justy101 23
Having respect for your girl, hell, having respect for any person is hot. Your brother is an idiot and won't get very far with a good woman if he thinks basic manners makes you "cuckolded", whatever that means... I'm guessing the equivalent of whipped.
nzhx 23
...how old is your brother?
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Comments (28)
Mahcookiez 15
Plot twist, he was
scwarren 7
ahhh, so he is whipped.
crudeandrudeguy 29
Maybe he said ****, as in that's what she wants to drink...
fohfuucba 21
Get him off /r9k/ before it's too late
Axel5238 29
If he doesn't learn when/if he gets dumped he'll complain he's a nice guy and then call her a femnazi. I imagine he also uses the term "butthurt" as well. If he does at least he's sending up enough red flags to warn women.
Zebediabolical 45
Did your brother go to the Return of Kings meetings last weekend? Sounds about his speed.
rinzlerkitty94 31
Adoption jokes aren't funny, asshole.
moodyreallyrocks 27
Don't mind it OP..
DespicableDez 7
This absolutely makes no sense. Buy your brother a dictionary, teach him to read, and then make his dumbass look up the words before using them.
zboot 8
Sounds like neither you nor your brother know the definition of cuckold. Seems like your brother meant to say "whipped".
tarlax 11
Lol what? What makes you think the OP doesn't know the meaning of cuckold? Everything in the FML suggests that he does, unless you're blind to blatant sarcasm.