Today, I asked my son to go to the grocery store across the street and pick up some lettuce. He sighed and said, "Why don't you just order it on Amazon?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, yet again, we have a fridge full of food, but my wife asked if we can order pizza in front of the kids, who all started jumping in excitement yelling, "PIZZA!" Now I can either say no and deal with pouting and tantrums, or waste money on crappy pizza. FML
Today, while having a romantic dinner at home with my date, my Alexa randomly asked, “Would you like to reorder adult diapers?” She then followed up with, “You last ordered them two months ago.” I don't have kids. I don't have grandparents. I don't have an explanation. FML
Today, in a supermarket, my four-year-old son whispered to me, asking if the checkout lady was able to wash between her fat rolls. She heard. FML
Today, I ordered food for delivery. I actually made it sound as if there were other people at home so I had an excuse for ordering so much. I don't think they bought it. FML
Today, my husband offered to do the weekly grocery shopping. Because he has never done the shopping before, I made him a list of what we needed and other optional foods to give him an idea of what to get. He came back with a week's worth of ramen noodles and 2 litres of soda. FML
Today, my Doordash driver texted me to let me know my son had picked up the food I'd ordered. I don't have kids. FML
Today, due to my wife saying I never cook and that we always order pizza, I spent a good hour preparing dinner. While serving it to my kids, they started complaining. My wife told them to shut up. When she took a bite, she looked up at me, smiled, and said, "Do you, you know, want to just order pizza?" FML
Today, my son decided to run around a supermarket in his underwear, leaving me to chase after him. FML
Today, I asked my mom if I could borrow $20 since I don’t get paid until Friday. She responded with, “Why don’t you return those packages that arrived this week from your online shopping sprees?” FML
Today, my wife gave me hell for not returning an Amazon package to Whole Foods on my day off. The closest Whole Foods is twenty minutes away, right by my work. Why should I waste an hour of my day off when I can do it after work tomorrow? FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
EpicSquishii 21
Hahaha you raised a real go-getter there, didn't you?
sweetest_jenn 18
Make sure you use Amazon Prime, and tell him you'll call him down for dinner in 2 days.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (114)
EpicSquishii 21
Hahaha you raised a real go-getter there, didn't you?
badluckalex 23
I would have made his lazy ass get up and go across the street. smh
sweetest_jenn 18
Make sure you use Amazon Prime, and tell him you'll call him down for dinner in 2 days.
belljars 22
Lettuce pray for the wasted youth
cometkeeper00 3
You can legitimately order these on amazon. I don't see the issue. He's saving gas, especially if you have Amazon Prime.
MysteriousX_fml 10
75- you don't need gas or two days waiting time to go across the street...
Kevlar_burrito 6
You "legit" are the same type of useless lazy ass we're all talking about. (FYI amazon does not deliver produce everywhere)
TheCanucklehead 22
...or maybe they wanted a lot of lettuce.
moocow398 6
It's across the street. No gas needed
chaosmanfun 7
Well why don't you? I mean everything's on the internet right?
PageantGirlXOXO 16
I bet there is an app for that...
domolovesyoshi 33
because she needs it now
aireeahna 23
they can't put anything on the internet that isn't true.
arandomusernameaa 20
You can buy drugs, guns and hitmen on the internet (through special browsers) so you can buy everything... yehh
littlem91 29
Banana King Iceberg Lettuce Salad by Banana King http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B003O3BVX0/ An iceburg lettuce for sale in the UK for 88p. And £6.99 postage. I hope they will post a good sized order for that, not just one lettuce.
xxlowsnip3rxx 16
I use tor browser :D its great for stuff like the dark back web......Its so funny though that their adresses are .onion and not accessible by normal means xD
Durantye 8
The future is here! Not sure if I'm referring to shopping or lazy generation.
wildcats909 9
Maybe it's little bit of column A, a little bit of column B :-p
JMichael 26
Why not both man? Why not both..?
renjisgirl12 22
Why not Zoidberg?
LPS8585 26
Funny thing is, is that you kinda predicted the future. Amazon Now is a thing.
Lasagnaa 24
If I could buy groceries from the Internet, I definitely would do it!
BoltTheSuperdog 22
I believe Safeway has a delivery program (they should pay me for having said that), though it probably depends on where you live.
deceivedandlied 19
I know that Shoprite on the east coast has a grocery delivery service online.
hulopro 16
So does stop & shop.
AnOriginalName 19
Man, whatever happened to delivery pizza? It's got carbs, fats, and proteins, so everything that's included in a healthy meal.
tj4234 36
Doesn't walmart do it? They do in the uk.
more4me 27
You can. At least, in some cities, you can. Safeway does it, and others. Im in the US, West Coast.
keirissleepy 10
Coles AND Woolworths both do it, just Google your local supermarket with 'online order' and I'm almost positive you will find an online order sheet. best way to shop for the lazy, disabled and those prone to anxiety
littlem91 29
Nearly all large UK supermarkets do deliveries, with 1 hour slots, costs me that much to drive 8 miles and back anyway. Everything unloaded onto your worktops from trays, no carrying heavy bags, no splitting bags, no queues - I find the fresh fruit and veg has always been good, though we buy 90% of that locally, and meat.
abbyryals 8
They do, amazon fresh
DanielleinDC 34
In my town there's an online site where you can buy from grocery stores--you place your order and they deliver in a couple of hours. Which is better than the two days Amazon Prime takes. It's the sort of thing I may use if I'm really sick and need something or in a pinch. I'm pretty good with going to the grocery store myself.
xSunnyOlivia 17
You can. I dont remember what its called, but it is by amazon. AprilJustinTV uses it.
MrAsquared100 14
Well did you hit him upside the head? As if I had ever said that to my parent I would be decked straight away for being super rude and lazy.
BoltTheSuperdog 22
It wouldn't have been as rude if he didn't let out a huge sigh before he said it (assuming he didn't have an attitude).
Christakwon 7
Maybe he didn't want to go because of the trauma from choking last time.
Sandsh8rk 36
"Because, sweetheart, it wouldn't allow us to have food NOW. We would have to wait until LATER."
ThatTonyKid 1
Lettuce hope your son gains motivation back
Lasagnaa 24
How many of you actually checked? I hope I'm not the only one.
Sandsh8rk 36
Yes. Yes you are.
Sandsh8rk 36
Yes. Yes you are.
BoltTheSuperdog 22
I think lettuce is the one thing Amazon.com DOESN'T sell! Insert lettuce pun here... (This is the first time I've seen Amazon referenced in an FML.)
deceivedandlied 19
Unfortunately they do. I had the curious urge to check and oddly enough it was easy to find.
BoltTheSuperdog 22
#35 I just checked myself. I found the seed to grow lettuce, but not the actual plant itself. I didn't think lettuce would survive the trip through the mail. Though next time I'll check first before making what I thought was a safe assumption like that. "Meanwhile, in the news, Amazon.com is reporting an unusually high volume of searches for 'lettuce'..."
bconfrey 5
That's a whole new level of laziness