Today, at work, I realized that not everyone in the office needs to hear my explosive diarrhea through the a/c vents that interconnect through the entire building. I think an email was sent around, describing people's reactions in detail. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, someone had explosive diarrhea in my bathroom at work and didn't clean it up. I'm the only woman in the office and I have only one toilet with no window or fan, so I have to leave the door open to air it out. It's right beside the canteen. Everyone will think it was me. FML
Today, I sharted in work this morning. It was rather unpleasant and everyone around me knew what had happened. The embarrassment was stifling. FML
Today, at work, our grease traps were getting cleaned out. My desk is right next to the vent for outside air, and veryone thought I crapped myself and wouldn't go near me. FML
Today, I was in a meeting at work. In the middle of our CEO's speech, I farted. Everyone heard including my boss, who looked over and said, "Do you have anything else you wanted to add?" FML
Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML
Today, while at work, I let out a nasty wet fart, thinking no one would hear me since I work in a warehouse. My coworker did hear me, and replied, "WTF? Shots fired! Shots fired!" FML
Today, I received a "Reply All" email from a colleague, in which they vented their frustration with our boss. Unbeknownst to them, our boss was included in the distribution list. Our whole open plan office became a silent comedy of awkward glances. FML
Today, I sneezed so hard at work that I farted. In the silence in our open space office that followed, my boss looked over, smiled, and said, "Bless you?" The people in the office who weren't wearing headphones burst out laughing, then those people noticed the laughter, took their headphones off, and my boss then had to explain to them why they were laughing. FML
Today, as if having diarrhea at work wasn’t bad enough, my office’s aggressively flushing toilet sprayed me with my own liquid shit. FML
Today, at work, I had to use the bathroom to urinate. It's basically in an open plan office, so everyone can hear absolutely everything. After successfully and discreetly doing my business, I noticed a bit of dirt on the wall. I gave it a rub with my thumb on the smooth tile. It sounded exactly like a loud fart. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
wow.... how much of assholes can people be? It's not like you can control your own bodily functions. Maybe they should have just closed the vents.
allmidnighteyes 11
It's like... it's like your asshole is Mt. Vesuvius and the poor toilet is Pompeii and all of its unsuspecting residents.
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Comments (64)
SushiCoster 0
ahhh...cubical boredom.
anonacs 0
I really hate how you worded this. Everyone didn't need to hear it but they did? You shouldn't have lead with that useless as **** sentence. Go **** yourself, and i hope it burned.
The_Advice_Guy 0
The people you work with are assholes...But then again,so am I.I'm not going to lie,you may have been doing everyone a favor,by brightening up their dull day at the office.Lets face it being unintentionally hilarious is always embarrassing,yet it is also an experience you can lean from.Use this to help you grow to be a better person.When you have any sort of condition that other people may find funny,or disgusting.Or maybe a combination of both,call in sick,or you will fall victim to many more incidents such as this one. *I know you obviously didn't KNOW that they would be able to hear you.I'm also aware that it's not your fault in the least(Unless you're a pig and couldn't stop after your eighth bowl of chili that is...)However if you can learn to develop a sixth sense for this kind of thing,you will be able to avoid any situations like this in the near future.*
sarahbau 0
Why is all diarrhea on FML "explosive," and all vomit "projectile?" Doesn't anyone here ever have normal diarrhea or normal vomit?
perdix 31
Yes, they go to MLIA. I'd love to see the e-mail that include everyone's reactions, as she put it. Hey, gang, Nancy has explosive diarrhea! Pass it on (the note, not explosive diarrhea.) I thought someone was practicing the trombone - Jim. Sounded like mortar fire - Mike. I thought someone had put a dead rat in my desk drawer. . . again - Mary etc.
balancekiwi 0
Exactly - Americans seem to get this "explosive" condtion regularly if FML is to be believed. And they always get it "today" to go by the first word in the FMLs. Not a happy picture!
rydersmomma16 21
Wow you're an idiot. Gee, wonder why they always start with "today", as if that was the rules for posting to this website or something...? Lmao
jchansfan 0
OP, You're gross. =(
Superawesomestev 0
fyl for having explosive shit. sorry
stupiddumbblonde 0
Hahaah! love that diarrea song! :)) op...you fail. hehe(;
DynamicDave 11
@3: thank you for making my day @22: thank you for the completely true equation, which I will use in the future. @OP: thank you for posting a super lame FML, which always leads to some epic comments.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
♪ When you sitting in a boat and you see something float Diarrhea! Diarrhea! ♪ (Edit - in response to #7)
Funambulist 0
FYL.