Today, after 3 years, I saw my ex, who I still love, at a coffee shop. Being nice, I said hi. He turned around, looked at me, and said, "Thank God I broke up with you. You look like a hot mess!" before getting up and walking out with his model girlfriend. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after seven months apart, I agreed to meet with my ex, wondering if he'd changed. He sure did. He lost a ton of weight and picked up several new hobbies. He also picked up a 23 year-old new girlfriend. She's slimmer and prettier than I'll ever be. I threw my drink in his face and left in tears. FML
Today, I found out my ex broke up with me after 3 years because he's still in love with his ex, who he hasn't spoken to in 6 years. And she dumped him for the same reason. FML
Today, I checked my ex's profile for the first time since we broke up a few months ago. He's dating a girl who's so pretty, and he looks so happy. He started dating her about 3 weeks after we broke up and when I broke up with him he wasn't upset at all. He had been ignoring me for weeks, and forgot our anniversary. FML
Today, at the library, I saw my ex for the first time in two years, about 100lbs lighter and super hot. She’s engaged now. I asked her why she couldn’t do that for me when we were together. She replied, “Because my man loved me at my worst, unlike you. So he deserves me at my best. Have a nice day.” and walked away. FML
Today, I was coming home from a date, I saw my ex standing in my drive-way. He had dumped me 2 months ago saying he couldn't talk me. To make him jealous, I made out with my new guy before greeting him. Turns out he couldn't talk to me because he had had cancer and had been afraid to tell me. FML
Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store, holding hands with his very pregnant girlfriend. They were buying baby supplies. We had a very nasty and painful breakup not even three months ago. FML
Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend at a grocery store. We haven't seen each other since we broke up a few months ago, and when he introduced me, he called me by the wrong name. We dated for three years. FML
Today, I was eating a fancy dinner with my girlfriend at a restaurant. Suddenly, my ex-girlfriend, who was seemingly still angry after our breakup 2 years ago, saw me through the window. She walked in, took my spaghetti dinner, shoved it in my face, and stormed out. FML
Today, I went out shopping. When I left the store, I saw my ex, who I'm still crazy about. He helped me carry my bags out to the car. When I leaned in to give him a hug goodbye, he stepped aside, and I fell face-first into a puddle. He walked away laughing. FML
Today, I met my ex from the college, and he invited me to dinner. Back then, he was rude and a bit abusive, but I agreed anyway. The man I saw today is loving, caring and fun, with a good job, and I really liked his wife. On the other hand, I'm between jobs, and my relationship's turned into the utter bore. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
*throws coffee at face* "Now you're a hot mess too, asshole!"
corbendo 3
Did you still get your coffee?
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Comments (228)
corbendo 3
Did you still get your coffee?
Melvar_10 3
Hot coffee mod
Keyman1212 14
No, she threw her hot coffee in his face, making him a literal hot mess.
MrTittySprinkles 7
I like Cheese!?!
fanalee 10
Haha that would be epic! (the comment about throwing the coffee at him)
crazychick1269 7
some guys can really be jerks when they are around their new girlfriends... others can be pretty nice
musiclexii124 0
You should've replied "Yeah, the hot mess that got in your pants 3 years ago."
Damn_Hippster 11
Your ex kind of seems like an ass
chickenwalrus 14
40... quit trolling.
tjv3 10
what an ass,. I'm looking for a gf :)
tjv3 10
oh I know you should have told him you were diagnosed with herpes right after you broke up in front of her .
coolstorybro6969 6
Mmmmm coffee...on the bright side he did call you hot...the glass is half full
FrostHeart 36
Brighten up OP! He called you hot right? Just ignore all the words after it :). You know, there may still be a chance for you and your soon to be, ex-ex-boyfriend!
hamncheeseinit 6
Clever... FML is now a dating site
perdix 31
#165, it always has been. Especially, after the PM system came online. Why would I select a girl based on height/weight/age/picture when I can find one with a sense of humor I like who likes mine?
FarSide 23
To wit your retort should have been: "It's my fault that you have bad taste in picking women"?"
11grace18 5
I think that sounds more like she's insulting herself rather than him ...
cheerluv15 0
That's all u care about is her coffee? Sheath love and he doesn't care. Imagine if that was you
beachyballerina 12
Hahahahahah woooooooww
GOTxMILK 5
Tell him about the "hot mess"on his pants from his model girlfriend.
Beebow_fml 5
That sounds like a compliment or congratulations for him.
Achall91 17
Should've given him a "hot mess" by splashing your coffee on him.
Achall91 17
Should've given him a "hot mess" by splashing your coffee on him.
Achall91 17
Should've given him a "hot mess" by splashing your coffee on him.
madvone 0
At least he called you hot
fthislyfe 22
38: Docbastard said it before you.
zurisbloodyrose 0
dude..that..what a shallow little bitch. geez.
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true. I saw your face in a crowded place, And I don't know what to do, 'Cause I'll never be with you. :(
sierralovesyou 0
What the hell?
absolutegrrr 7
Hey, don't diss James Blunt.
EvilPotato 15
You got told OP.
SemperFi_23 6
You fail #4.
EvilPotato 15
117 coming from you that's a compliment, thank you sir.
avocado23 5
Doubled fail :/
xcarxcrashx 9
What makes it a double fail? Oh wait I'm sorry doubled fail?
Drummerboy1234 0
4 - so sensitive, dumb bastard.
dmw25 0
She did get told, enough said
aml1991 9
That's a real bummer, I don't understand why guys think they have to be with girls who look like models. I mean, seriously, how many people in the REAL world look like that? It's not fair to us average girls is it hun? :/
CoolStoryScrote 6
It's not that we feel like we need to or should be...it's that we actually want a model looking girlfriend...though I've never blown an average girl off just because of looks.
Cmdr_Shepard 17
WTF are you talking about? Just because the OP's ex is dating a "model" doesn't mean all men want models. The vast majority of guys are perfectly fine with going out with average-looking girls if they have an awesome personality (and especially if they're great in bed).
Epikouros 32
@#31: Speak for yourself, stickbanger!
un1corns 15
There are very few 'real' girls who look like the models you see on television or in magazines... even those models don't actually look like that. Without the hours of makeup and airbrushing they look just as average as any other girl you'd see walking down the street.
zbean 0
hi! I'm a model, I weigh 136, eat 4 FULL meals a day, I'm 5'7, and work out daily. I'm pretty sure I'm "real".
alycion 39
Most girls will go for the male model looking type first. It's natural to be initially attracted by looks. Though unlike op's ex, most ate mature enough to get to know average looking people and give them a chance too.
fmlcurtain 4
I don't believe u
stacianichole 2
Is she really a model or is OP comparing herself way too much and a little (or a lot) insecure?
mdtdnb 7
Who wouldn't want to date a model?
mileyfan17 8
What a jerk. You should be happy Ur not with him
DocBastard 40
*throws coffee at face* "Now you're a hot mess too, asshole!"
EvilPotato 15
Hmmm, well said I must brainstorm some more wity comments. *goes down into basement*.
Saltime 0
This gave me a warm, fuzzy, coffee-scalding feeling inside.
leadman1989 16
Not to be THAT guy, but I doubt this would be as socially acceptable if the genders were reversed.
DustyStorm 16
Wouldn't wanna waste the coffee even on a prick like that....
ohSNAPyall 27
88 It wouldn't be socially acceptable in real life for a man or a woman. But as a joke, I think it'd be funny for either.
leadman1989 16
167 Then why was I thumbed down for even suggesting it? Also why is it when the rolls ARE reversed and people DO make those jokes THEY also get thumbed down?
TheSgLeader 21
That's just stupid and unnecessary. I don't care what the gender of the thrower but I will gladly beat the c*ap out of anyone who would do so to me.
MagicallyFat 12
Whatta dick.
TalkingMuffin 3
That is, quite a bit, of commas.
Savra_fml 17
What's the, ******* point, of your comment?!?
R00ST3R 12
I think the point is that OP writes with a lot of commas.
TalkingMuffin 3
@54 Exactly.
TeamSynergy 1
i've come across a stunning scientific anomaly. #42 is ******* retarded
Savra_fml 17
Ahh # 94, nearly sharted there! Very funny & original! So, the girl uses commas....AND? she writes correctly....AND? You have an extra chromosome.....AND....you're a spastic. See, I made a statement with a point to it that doesn't just state the obvious. Keep going moron, & feel free to use your great line for this comment (# 104 this time)...maybe then i will shart.
zanguard 0
Hot mess... that's like an insult and a compliment at the same time, it makes my brain hurt.
RuskiManBearPig 4
Yeah like : Out of all your friends you have the biggest pennis.