Today, I brought my Tinder date back to my house to cook for her. I made her gnocchi, because she had never had it before. She forgot to tell me she was lactose intolerant, and proceeded to spend the next 30 minutes violently and loudly shitting. I poisoned my date. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took my girlfriend to a restaurant we both like. By the end of the date, we were fighting and she angrily broke up with me. To make things worse, I got food poisoning. She didn't. FML
Today, I went on a Tinder date that was going surprisingly well. After dinner, she excused herself to the restroom… and never came back. I sat there for 25 minutes before realizing she had texted me: “Sorry, I saw my ex here and panicked. Hope you enjoy the fries.” I did not. FML
Today, my Tinder date arranged an Uber to pick her up before we had even finished our appetizers. She was so bored she couldn't be bothered to stay for the whole meal. FML
Today, the girl I’ve been trying to date not only agreed to a date, she invited me back to her place because the date went so well. We were kissing so hard, I struggled to breathe, I coughed, gagged, then vomited my seafood dinner all over her yellow sofa. It all went downhill from there. FML
Today, I tried cooking dinner from scratch for my date. Everything was going great until I realised the “icing sugar” I'd sprinkled all over the dessert was actually flour. She took one bite, coughed, and said, “So you’re more of a Uber Eats kinda girlie?” FML
Today, I spent hours cooking dinner for my date. When they arrived, they told me that I'd probably not paid much attention to their dating profile, as it clearly mentioned that they were vegan, and thus couldn't eat any of the food I'd prepared. FML
Today, I was on a first date when my lactose intolerance decided to make an appearance. My date thought I was just “getting comfy” when I kept shifting in my seat. Nope, I was trying not to fart. FML
Today, I was on a first date with a girl at a lake. I felt my stomach rumble and knew I couldn’t make it to shore, so I dropped into the water and had violently diarrhea in the water. It started to bubble, and so I started splashing around, saying, “It’s cold” while she swam around me, in my shit water. I’ve never told her. FML
Today, I went on a date. After we finished our meal, I had to use the bathroom really bad. When I said so, my date totally lost it and accused me of planning on climbing out a window and ditching her. "Fuck that and fuck you!" she said, then stormed out, leaving me with the bill. FML
Today, I was having a vegetarian meal at my date's house. She was very proud because she grew all the veggies herself; she even made the fertiliser herself. I was halfway through the meal before I asked what she meant by "made her own fertiliser." It was human shit; her own human shit. FML
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Top comments
Chazzster 32
OP sorry that was shitty experience for both of you! ... This wasn't your fault, but in the future I'd recommend going to a restaurant that you both agree on until you know each other better. It doesn't have to be an expensive restaurant. That way if there are food allergy or dietary restrictions it will not be anything your date could conceivably blame you for. I would suggest that if the date seemed to go OK before the food related incident that you contact her and tell her you hope she's feeling better - Who knows maybe you'll get another date.
Wadlaen 24
At least it turned out to be a night you'll remember...
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Comments (5)
Chazzster 32
OP sorry that was shitty experience for both of you! ... This wasn't your fault, but in the future I'd recommend going to a restaurant that you both agree on until you know each other better. It doesn't have to be an expensive restaurant. That way if there are food allergy or dietary restrictions it will not be anything your date could conceivably blame you for. I would suggest that if the date seemed to go OK before the food related incident that you contact her and tell her you hope she's feeling better - Who knows maybe you'll get another date.
Wadlaen 24
At least it turned out to be a night you'll remember...
Gubbon 17
Gnocchi don't contain milk...
Charlie Given 28
Yes this is true that most types of gnocchi but most people use an alfredo type sauce to put it in which is cream based.
EricW 4
I’m curious to know what kind of gnocchis are made with milk…