Sounds like he's got it all figured out

Alexa, play "Isolation" by Joy Division

Today, my son has always been antisocial but ever since he bought his first house he has seemingly disappeared behind its walls, never lets anybody visit, and has broken off contact with everybody he knows. Were it not for his coworkers telling me he’s at work everyday, I’d think he was dead. FML

Today, I once again told my son he needed a job and a girlfriend because I simply could not keep him in my house anymore. He yelled, "No, I can do whatever I want!" Then went back to playing video games. He's 38. FML

Settled

Today, my son is still single in his forties, so I asked him about it. Turns out, because he has his buddies and doesn’t want kids, he hires a house cleaning service twice a month and prostitutes twice a week, so he can’t think of any scenario in which a wife could improve his life. FML

Family matters

Today, in response to the guy whose son told him to fuck off for disturbing his one day off a week, my son spent literally his entire savings account for a deposit on a shitbox one bedroom house because he’s sick of his dad finding him things to do every ten minutes, and I don’t even blame him. FML

Proud mama

Today, my darling first born 23 year-old son just called me, a single mum who works full time, disgusting because I’ve gained weight and been too busy to go to the gym. He’s living at home and not paying rent, despite working. FML

I'm in this FML and I don't like it

Today, my son has decided he doesn’t want children, or pets, or friends, or a girlfriend, or to visit his living relatives, except for me. I’m scared that once I’m dead he’ll disappear into his house and never come out until the neighbours notice the smell after he’s dead. FML

Red pill dingus

Today, my son is refusing to find a girlfriend because, as he puts it, “Them woke bitches just want my money.” He lives alone, has a good job and lots of friends, but he never asks anyone out, and when women ask him out, he practically hisses at them like a feral cat. FML

Fortress of solitude

Today, my son hates people so much he's working three jobs to be able move out and pay for his own place. He got the keys today and when I asked if he was having a housewarming party, he told me he’s not giving his address out to anyone, and no one is invited, ever, not even me. FML

It's called being a wage slave

Today, my new boyfriend told me he has no interest in being a dad, never has, never will, so the first time I ask him for any sort of help with my son he’s out the door. I'd dump his ass, but my mum just died so I have nowhere to go, and literally cannot afford both rent and food without his wage. FML

Hellspawn

Today, I told my son that if he doesn’t sort his life out, I’d change the Wi-Fi password. His answer, "Good luck old man, I changed it months ago and unless you leave me alone, I’ll disconnect your living room TV." I’m disabled so I need the TV to cope with being depressed. FML