Today, on my first day as a community support officer, a 7-foot meathead in the middle of a domestic argument told me to “piss off shorty”, and when I asked him not to swear at me, he picked me up one-handed and threw me in a builder's skip full of mud and wet cement. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as a security guard, I caught a kid shoplifting and confronted him. He ran circles around me for almost 5 minutes, then picked me up and dumped me in a builders' skip before escaping. To add to my humiliation, my boss questioned my suitability for the job, and advised me to update my CV. FML
Today, I was cleaning up litter from the street, when a guy asked who I work for. I said nobody and that I was just doing some community service. Before I could clarify that it was voluntary community service, he called me a "piece of shit delinquent", spat on me, and walked off. FML
Today, I was security at a shopping centre and tried to stop a guy from drinking in public. He told me to fuck off and "go play cops and robbers somewhere else", so I tried to escort him to the security office. He picked me up with one hand and threw me in the fountain. My boss let him go with a warning. I hate my job. FML
Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water, and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML
Today, on my first day at my new job delivering mail, I was yelled at by a guy, who threatened to shoot me if I "trespassed" on his property. He made me toss his mail toward his porch from the street, before telling me to get lost. FML
Today, a patient, who is normally pretty chill, was being quite difficult for my workmates. They were whinging about him and I defended him, he's normally a sweet guy so something must be upsetting him. I went to chat with him, he punched me and called a useless a**hole. FML
Today, a customer at work became violent and started hitting me and my coworker. Not wanting him to get the shit beat out of us, I used a move that pinned the guy on the ground. The police came and he was arrested. I was then fired for assaulting a customer. FML
Today, my partner and I got called out to a domestic disturbance. Things turned ugly while we were en-route. Long story short, I now know how many grown men it takes to lift a nearly 400lb shit-covered woman onto a stretcher. I almost reconsidered my choice of career. FML
Today, at my job as a supermarket manager, I had to break up a fight over a handicapped parking spot, in which an elderly man nearly got beaten over the head with a prosthetic leg. This wasn't what I expected when I was told I'd been promoted. FML
Today, while on patrol with my partner, we came across a guy getting a beat-down on the sidewalk. After restraining the attacker, we helped the victim to his feet, only for him to spit at us and call us "goddamn pigs". You're welcome, sir. FML
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Top comments
Charlie Given 28
Time for some self defense classes and also large people do have vulnerabilities. the knees, eyes, throat, ears, temples and groin area.
coius 23
And so you then file an assault report and have the bobbies incarcerate his 7-ft ass for a few months. As a community support officer, it doesn’t allow people to abuse and assault you anymore than a citizen, but you can still get justice by filing an assault report with law enforcement.
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Comments (6)
fjvitt 14
Yep—defund the police...that’ll work well...
galvinizd 7
Who the hell does a thumbs down? Stupid people.
RichardPencil 32
Defund means to reduce spending. Instead of sending a death squad to this scene, they should send the community support officer with one cop for backup.
Angelica Ballard 19
OP’s in 🇬🇧
RichardPencil 32
That call "centre" job is not looking so bad now.
playa350 8
Time to join a jiu jitsu gym
Charlie Given 28
Time for some self defense classes and also large people do have vulnerabilities. the knees, eyes, throat, ears, temples and groin area.
coius 23
And so you then file an assault report and have the bobbies incarcerate his 7-ft ass for a few months. As a community support officer, it doesn’t allow people to abuse and assault you anymore than a citizen, but you can still get justice by filing an assault report with law enforcement.