Today, right after preparing a gourmet plate of dry-aged steak with freshly cooked mashed potatoes, I stepped on my son's Lego and dropped my plate. I stood there for 5 minutes, crying. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, as revenge for being grounded for bullying a kid at school, my eight-year-old son flung a handful of Lego into my path as I walked barefoot into the kitchen. I'm still in pain. FML
Today, I slipped on my son's Hot Wheels cars and fell onto a building made out of Lego. I now have a fractured tailbone and a broken wrist. I called my husband to tell him what happened and all he could do was laugh. My son didn't leave them on the floor, my husband did. FML
Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML
Today, I stayed up until 2 a.m. building my daughter's birthday present because I wanted everything to be perfect when she woke up. She opened the little oven door on the toy kitchen, and the whole thing collapsed onto the floor. I found an unopened bag of screws sitting on the table. FML
Today, I made several beautiful steaks on the grill, then set them to rest. While I left to use the bathroom, my four year-old decided they looked yucky and poured syrup on them. My wife was too busy giggling and recording it to stop her. FML
Today, I made dinner for myself after a long day full of annoying family drama. I had the pan sizzling away when I went to grab some herbs from the fridge. As I turned around, I tripped on the rug, sending the entire frying pan of food flying into the air. It landed directly in front of my never-endingly hungry dogs, so I watched as my ruined dinner disappeared. FML
Today, my boyfriend was serving dinner, and decided to circle the table with my son's plate while making UFO noises. My son grabbed at the plate and spilled it, making a huge mess. They both decided that I should clean it up. FML
Today, I was sitting on a stool by the stove while my dad was making stir-fry. The glass lid he had covering the skillet overheated and exploded. As huge shards of broken glass rained down on his only daughter's head, my dad's only concern was whether or not he would have to throw his food away. FML
Today, I stepped on not one, not two, but three Legos, all on different occasions throughout the day. FML
Today, I made a delicious casserole for dinner. Just as I was about to serve it, a bowl fell from the cupboard above, exploded on the counter and made it rain tiny, sharp glass shards on my food. I can't pick them all out. FML
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Top comments
tounces7 28
Roll it in the dust and dirt a bit and then feed it to the kid who left his legos all over the floor.
RichardPencil 32
Pick it up and eat it! "Five-minute rule" is still in effect!
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Comments (7)
RichardPencil 32
Pick it up and eat it! "Five-minute rule" is still in effect!
Warp1978 15
Five second rule, also if the plate is broken just pick out the shards and carry on.
xxlk4xx 6
I would totally eat that off the floor!
tounces7 28
Roll it in the dust and dirt a bit and then feed it to the kid who left his legos all over the floor.
lev 11
did you prepare only one plate?
DarkAngelsBlade 25
Imma be honest, you're weak. It sucks, I feel for ya, but dang.
Hangryko 32
YDI for not teaching your son to pick up after himself.