Today, I heard for the nth time (I lost count after 100) how my roommate and her boyfriend plan to have kids (yes, plural) because we’re "BFF family", and "family babysits for free." She’s actively trying to get pregnant, but wants to continue smoking and drinking like a fish. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my family I’m pregnant again. My boyfriend is now sat outside, crying and getting drunk. My oldest son is looking at apartments for rent because he doesn’t want to be around screaming babies again, and my younger two are crying because they don’t want another sibling either. FML
Today, my roommate's boyfriend told me he would be driving the several hours EVERY weekend to come see his girlfriend. As a couple, they are constantly all over each other, and can't seem to break out of the annoying baby talk voice. Plus, they like to kick me out of the room to do stuff. FML
Today, my friend told me she wanted to get pregnant. I thought that was good news, but then she said she wanted my boyfriend to be the father of her baby. FML
Today, I found out that me and my best friend are both pregnant. We live together, and both had one night stands with the same guy. Now we are going to be each raising his children in the same house while he has decided to "not get involved" and move to a different state. FML
Today, my child-hating friend who vowed never to have any no matter what, announced that she's pregnant. I've had three IVF cycles, spent $90k in fertility treatments, and still can't conceive. FML
Today, my parents lectured me about how my girlfriend will ruin my life, because she's a single mom, a recovering alcoholic, and has chronic health issues. Apparently, I should be with their friend's rude, trashy daughter, who can't keep a job, and goes on a drunken, drug-fueled bender every other week. I'm 31. FML
Today, my request to move apartments was once again denied. My next door neighbor’s constant marijuana smoke wafts over every day, and the woman upstairs is pregnant with her sixth child. It’s like a herd of elephants living above me. They won’t let me out of my lease unless I pay a huge amount. FML
Today, my roommate told me that she wants to get some of those "My Family" stickers for her car. She's single and has no children. What does she want to get? One for her, and one for her goldfish. Sadly, this is probably one of the most intelligent things she's said all week. FML
Today, my mom is threatening to disinherit me because I won’t have a baby. I have three siblings who between them have seven kids for her to obsess over, yet she calls at least once a week and always tries to convince me to get pregnant. Fuck off mom. FML
Today, and since forever, my boyfriend has a twin brother. His girlfriend is now pregnant and he was ecstatic. I'm also pregnant but my boyfriend is acting like it’s the end of the world, and has been either drunk or hungover since I told him. So much for twins being alike. FML
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Top comments
cuz803 46
Maybe don't be friends with her? She sounds extremely degenerate and irresponsible for wanting to indulge in selfish pleasures while trying for a child. God forbid more humans like her reproduce.
Ben Deigheau 8
Heed the title of the post
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Comments (5)
cuz803 46
Maybe don't be friends with her? She sounds extremely degenerate and irresponsible for wanting to indulge in selfish pleasures while trying for a child. God forbid more humans like her reproduce.
The_Real_Cvh 10
Fish smoke?
RichardPencil 32
Of course, they do. Haven't you tried smoked salmon?
The_Real_Cvh 10
Just that once. But the judge said that if ever I was caught in public again, doing that, that I’d be sent to jail
RichardPencil 32
Smoking and drinking don't affect conception. Alcohol has probably led to many pregnancies starting. They're very damaging to the fetus and we'll see if your idiot roommate can quit them once pregnant. Smart money says: She won't.
2deployments1divorce 11
Figure out how to flee in the next nine months.
Ben Deigheau 8
Heed the title of the post