Today, while driving home, I looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that my three-year-old daughter had managed to get out of her seat and had crawled to the back window. I pulled over and strapped her in again. Five minutes later she was back at the window. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I put my phone on top the car while putting my daughter in her car seat. Told myself not to forget it. Then I drove away, and it flew off the top of the car on the freeway. It got ran over. FML
Today, I completely lost it when I found out my mom was driving around with my 20-month-old daughter not sat in a car seat. She told me I was overreacting, and that everything was fine since she “prayed for a safe journey.” FML
Today, I went to pick up my goddaughter while her mother went to work. She was being fussy, and I was surprised when she was quiet in the car; I just figured she'd fallen asleep. I got to my house and realized I'd never put her in my car, she was still sitting in my friend's driveway. FML
Today, while driving with my puppy in the passenger seat, he jumped out of the window. FML
Today, I picked up my daughter from daycare. As we were getting into the car, I strapped her into the car seat, but something felt off. I looked back and realized I had picked up the wrong kid. In my defense, she was wearing the same jacket as my daughter. FML
Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML
Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML
Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML
Today, my kid threw a fit on our way home, wanting me to stop and call grandma. Why? Because she was convinced I was going to wreck the car, and grandma is a good driver who won't crash. When we got home, she stopped fussing, said, "Thank god, we're home," ran up to grandpa and said, "Mom's a scary driver." She's 3. FML
Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML
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Top comments
opnionation 5
That's impressive.
iAlissa 34
You have an escape artist on your hands!
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Comments (63)
opnionation 5
That's impressive.
sarah6786 14
I have a daughter that just turned 4 last week, and it'd be a cold day in hell I'd have to tell her twice not to get up and crawl around in the car. OP needs to learn to discipline better.
mercifulbane 3
did you say strap in or strap on? ;)
sarah6786 14
26, are you seriously trying to make a perverted joke about a three year old? Yuck.
VermilionShell 1
#23, I have a 3 year old and I was thinking the same thing. Getting out of a car seat while the car is in motion is simply not an option.
ajh557 22
Agreed I used to do that let's just say my mom Carried a wood spoon in the car for a while
GwennaRose 22
My parent used to have to safety pin me to the car seat at about 2.5 years old
8born8 18
23, so is OP supposed to pay attention to the road and other drivers, or constantly look in the rearview mirror?
Paracosmic 5
#118: When one is driving, one is supposed to check the mirrors about every seven seconds, anyway.
iAlissa 34
You have an escape artist on your hands!
cakefete2 31
We need to add chains, explosions, two assistants and a few flaming chainsaws.
iAlissa 34
But this isn't Saw! D:
red225 14
She's an illusionist
bellebe1998 16
I used to open the van doors when I was little and I would laugh at my mom.
MichellinMan 20
Where's Harry Houdini when you need him!
IworkAt711 14
63- 6 feet under the ground.
superman21_fml 19
73 ...or is he??
Moochi456 20
I've been doing that since I was about 8-9 months old! No matter how tight my mom made the straps I would wiggle out of them, sit next to my car seat and start giggling. What makes it even funnier is my mom was a cop at the time and we would often get rides home from her cop buddies who also finished their shift. My mom had ended up considering duck tape to keep me in the seat but didn't want to hurt me.
8born8 18
It's duct tape. Using a duck would only exacerbate an extremely dangerous situation.
kristiniccole 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Get a car seat?
Brelywi 15
I believe the "seat" OP referred to was probably a car seat, at three.
Ambient25 25
Wow #3, where were you when they passed the brains out...
ptoka 20
#17, the bathroom. A fail safe excuse.
kristiniccole 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Where were you when they passed out respect?
Ambient25 25
I RESPECT the fact you need a brain
kristiniccole 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I'm pretty sure I have one asshole
Ambient25 25
Well yes, you should have one asshole. We all do.
kristiniccole 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Stop
Ambient25 25
I like how you changed your pic to you flipping the camera off. If you did have a brain though you'd realize the only thing showing is your duck face and the tip of your finger... Formatting strikes again
frankiero 17
Ambient, I love you.
cheshirecat13242 32
Man, I think I do too..
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
kristin just ignore them. the fml community is an odd one.
Ambient25 25
And yet here you are...
kristiniccole 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Thanks, and yeah I know. It's pretty screwed up.
JesterJosh 5
No people in general don't like idiots. We are just more blunt about it. Ambient deservers a medal for his good work.
glabberfasted 16
"I'm pretty sure I have one asshole." I'm dying. Grammar is important, kids.
AKAR2521 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
i bet if you all were havng this coversation face to face, none of you would be so blunt. people tend to have more gall over the internet. and a lot of you people are rude on here, just because you've been on here longer doesn't give you the right to be an ass to the new people
addioty 19
100, and the butthurt comment award goes to...
meepmerp 20
You earn respect
lovethenumber13 14
This is late. Probably why I wasn't accepted onto my school's cross country team. Anyways... 39, pretty sure something as important as respect isn't just handed out as if it fell out of the sky every 2.3 seconds. It's earned. So far, you've done nothing to earn it and therefore, you get none.
Midnight_Cat 9
go **** yourself
winston5 6
Is her name Houdini?
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
I believe OP decided to go with Houdinette.
dane18 12
Sounds like you need to double buckle her in
HKCgrimmjow 15
Sounds like you need to double think of a good comment
Freethaawave 19
Ehh, I could go for a Doritos Los Tacos.
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
don't be a ******* ass 32!! Dane, good comment! maybe if op did double buckle her kid wouldn't be able to escape as easily.
Ambient25 25
You can't cheerlead everyone you know...
Midnight_Cat 9
you can't ******* argue 15th everyone either, you know?
bigwiensch 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
people are too sensitive these days
DocBastard 40
Correct. Having your child not strapped into her safety seat is no big deal. In the event of a crash, I'm sure her baby fat would protect her from injury. You are a genius. Idiot.
Ambient25 25
Let's hope #7 never procreates...otherwise I can see this happening "oh right...kids like food don't they?"
HeyHeyFishFillet 34
#7, you just said the exact same thing in the previous FML. Don't you know you have to wait at least one year before using the same comment?
bigwiensch 15
I accidentally posted the same comment on two of them
Ambient25 25
I accidentally walked outside naked
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
7 ignore these assholes!! for thanksgiving and christmas just around the corner, everyone sure is acting like little dick heads. try to be civil people.
Ambient25 25
"Do as I say not as I do"
AntiPrude 26
Looks like 59 can't handle the internet... U mad bro? ;)
Flowtastic 16
@59, the fact that you think a season is the only reason people should show respect to one another is very telling. "It's better to let the world think you're an idiot than to open your mouth and prove them right" I think some commenters would have gotten more respect had they followed this saying. ;)
fucMyLifeSoHard 18
59- If you post a stupid comment, you're gonna get a smartass answer.
SammyS2012 21
A) not everyone celebrates Thanksgiving B) not everyone celebrates Christmas. i celebrate both, but that doesnt mean everyone here does. plus, holidays should not be the reason youre nice and respectful. people should aim for that everyday of the year.
evan_7899 28
The slithery child always evades the firm hold that is child restraints.
Freethaawave 19
Wow, why did that make me think of Draco Malfoy lmfao
Ambient25 25
Just be glad that was all she was doing. My parents told me that when I was three I used to get out of my seat and start chucking things I found out the window lol...
Brelywi 15
Duct tape. Lots and lots of duct tape. I believe they even sell it in pretty patterns now for her; better than being tossed out of the front window in a collision!!
TheDrifter 24
Back when I was a kid, children weren't too good to go through the windshield with the rest of the family.
stephers444 17
a little rebel in the making