Today, I loudly proclaimed my New Year’s resolution was to stop drinking. I made this declaration while holding a margarita in one hand and a beer in the other, in the middle of a rowdy New Year's Eve party. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my New Year’s Eve consisted of four things: being home alone, drinking cheap alcohol out of a tooth mug, getting an upset stomach from that, then going to bed early with ear plugs. FML
Today, I celebrated the new year. Alone. FML
Today, I tried to leave a rowdy Christmas party early. The apartment door creaked loudly, someone asked where I was going, and suddenly I was explaining my schedule to 10 drunk people. I stayed another hour to avoid more drunk people telling me to, "COME ON, STAY, HAVE A DRINK." FML
Today, I hosted a New Year’s Eve party, but everyone left at 11:45 PM to go to another party because "it sounded more fun." I rang in the new year alone. FML
Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I'm at a conference where letting loose is expected and, to a point, encouraged. I've been sober for 2.5 years and am pretty sure I managed to piss off just about everyone with how miserable I was listening to them describe my former favorite mixed drinks and shots. I miss wine. FML
Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML
Today, I held a house party. For fun, I made sure all the beer was alcohol-free, so I could see which of my friends would be weak-minded enough to end up acting drunk. Three did. I was one of them. FML
Today, I was sitting in my cubicle at work, nursing a hangover, and thinking how stupid I was for getting so shit-faced last night. I then realized that I was voicing my thoughts out loud, and the whole office had gone quiet, listening to me castigate myself. FML
Today, I went to the grocery store to stock up on booze for the weekend. After the cashier commented on the size my purchase, I claimed to be hosting a dinner party tonight. I'm not. FML
Today, I told my mom I was going to a New Year's party. She told me to be back by midnight. FML
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Top comments
stickyface 17
My New Year's resolution is to quit spending pointless time online making ironic observations. Dammit.
Yudith 28
Everybody knows the actual work on the resolutions only begins on January 2. On January 1, we are still nursing our hangover and making turkey soup with the leftovers.
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Comments (4)
stickyface 17
My New Year's resolution is to quit spending pointless time online making ironic observations. Dammit.
Yudith 28
Everybody knows the actual work on the resolutions only begins on January 2. On January 1, we are still nursing our hangover and making turkey soup with the leftovers.
Wadlaen 24
I sense that you might find it a bit tricky to actually keep your resolution... But, best of luck!
BurnInDemonFire 39
There was more to your resolution. What you neglected to tell everyone was that you were going to stop drinking in moderation and you hoped to have liver and kidney failure before the summer.