Precision flinging

My body hates me

Today, I'm on the last few days of my period. After nothing came out the whole day, a dollop of blood suddenly poured out, somehow managed to entirely circumvent the giant pad I was wearing, and went straight into my underwear, pants, and the chair I was sitting on. FML

Ouch

Today, while brushing my teeth half asleep, I stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush, toothpaste included. FML

Out of it

Today, I'm sick with a fever, and on my cycle I was too tired and forgot to change my tampon, and ended up putting another one in. I woke up to go to the bathroom and ended up pulling two out. FML

Today, while doing my disabled client's makeup I got my period. I'm hoping that she didn't notice a red stain on her white bedspread when I stood up. FML

Splatter analysis

Today, after I wore a pad last night, I woke up this morning, took off my underwear to use the bathroom, and a huge period glob flew hit the rug and splattered everywhere. The globs got on every piece if clothing I wore. I then had to clean what looked like a crime scene. FML

Today, I got my period. Last week, I fell out of a window and landed between my legs on a bush; I have massive swelling down there, and stitches over the ripped flesh. Now I'm bleeding out my period on top of the lingering wounds down there. It hurts even to pee, let alone menstruate. FML

Blow it

Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML

Too stupid

Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

Today, while brushing my teeth, I applied the toothpaste to my toothbrush when a few bristles got caught on the lip of the tube and flung a glob of toothpaste into my eye. My eye is now bloodshot, but at least it's minty fresh. FML