Today, my mom said we are having a party for the 4th of July. Her definition of a party is my grandma coming over. FML
Today, I was rejected from my dream job because my interviewer googled me and one of the images that comes up is a pic of me sunbathing nude in my own private garden. That pic isn’t one I took, it isn’t on my Facebook or anything, I have no f**king idea where it came from or who photographed me. FML
Today, I realized that for my entire life I haven't felt genuine romantic love for anyone, despite being with many. I've taken care of people and made them happy all the time, but in the end I never really loved anyone, except one person, but it's too late in my life to go back and change things. FML
Today, my roommate blamed me after her cat got shocked after chewing through my phone charger cable. The same one my roommate stole to charge her tablet. Yet it's still somehow my fault. FML
Today, I was having a conversation with my mother during which I described something as being pungent. She thought I had made up the word, so I grabbed the dictionary to show her that I hadn't. She then became enraged, threw the dictionary at my head and told me never to talk to her again. FML
Today, my friend with benefits got my new car stuck in a mud hole. I had to call my ex to get us unstuck. FML
Today, I got a date for Valentine's Day. The date is with my orthodontist; he's going to tighten my braces. FML
Maybe your grandma can throw one hell of a party.
YEAH! Break out the oxygen tanks and digest cookies!