Today, I had to explain to my idiot son and his idiot girlfriend that an X does not mean negative when it’s on a pregnancy test; an X on a pregnancy test is actually a +, which means positive. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I tried to explain to my son that a 10.5lb baby can’t be born after only 6 months of pregnancy, and when he didn’t get that massive hint, I had to outright tell him his girlfriend must've already been 3 months pregnant when they met, and lied to him. I’ve raised an idiot. FML
Today, I took a pregnancy test. When I saw that the result was positive, I started crying and showed my mom. She burst out laughing and told me that I had taken an ovulation test. FML
Today, my mom accused me of being pregnant. She wouldn't believe me when I told her I'm a virgin, and she challenged me to take a pregnancy test. It came back with a false positive. FML
Today, I had to call a parent and tell them that their special needs daughter is pregnant. FML
Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML
Today, I was ecstatic that the pregnancy test I took was negative. I went to high-five my boyfriend as I told him the good news. Apparently, it’s monstrous, unladylike and weird for a woman to not want children. When I pointed out he doesn’t want kids either, he said, "That’s normal for guys." FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office after getting a positive pregnancy test. She did another one to confirm the result, which came back negative. My husband is wandering around with a great big smile on his face, because he isn't going to "have a rugrat." FML
Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML
Today, after months of trying for a baby and telling me how he wants a family and can't wait to have a kid with me, my boyfriend was relieved when I got a negative home test, saying he's not ready for kids yet. I took another test this morning. I'm pregnant. FML
Today, my 18 year-old son learned that just because his girlfriend was on top doesn't mean gravity will prevent her from becoming pregnant. FML
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Top comments
CaptainMaggot 11
i dont think people this dumb should be procreating
great_nate 26
Too bad your idiot son did not have someone in his life to teach him anything.
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Comments (4)
CaptainMaggot 11
i dont think people this dumb should be procreating
great_nate 26
Too bad your idiot son did not have someone in his life to teach him anything.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Great... stupid breeds stupid and here's a fine example.