Today, my overly religious fucknut of a cousin called me, ranting about my daughter trying to corrupt hers. They were chatting on a kids' messenger app when my 5-year-old sent her 7-year-old a Pokémon sticker. Apparently, Pokémon in satanic and we ought to know better. Now she won’t let them talk to us. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter was complaining about having no friends. My son told her it’s her own fault for attending church 3 times a week and trying to convert everyone at school like a Jehovah's witness who you can’t shut the door on. He’s 100% right but now she won’t stop crying. FML
Today, I had to have a very unfortunate conversation with my young daughter about homophobia and bigotry, after the neighbor said she can’t play with her kids anymore. My daughter mentioned she had two mommies, me and my platonic best fiend who’s her godmother. My poor baby is still inconsolable. FML
Today, I let my brother babysit my 6-year-old daughter. She learned 2 new words from him. One of them was "Hail" and the other one was "Satan". FML
Today, my mother kept nagging at me because my 9-month-old daughter only calms down when I play her metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will turn into a "devil-worshipping lunatic like her mother". FML
Today, my whole family ganged up on me because I called my 9-year-old niece a cunt. The little brat purposely ruined my son's final science project for school and caused him to get a zero, even though we wrote a note to the teacher explaining what happened. FML
Today, my friend went to go pick up some weed from her dealer. That same day her parents were searching her room, so guess who posted it through my letterbox so their parents wouldn’t find it. Unfortunately, my very religious parents found it and now think I'm being directed by Satan. FML
Today, my cousin tried to hit on me. I told him that was inappropriate and pushed him off me. He was offended when I went to tell my folks. All they said was, “That’s fine. You should’ve let him.” Um, what? FML
Today, my daughter was acting strange. When she wasn’t muttering in some strange language, she was talking about invisible people coming to get me. Terrified, I called my boyfriend. Turns out he taught her that as a prank. He knows I’m afraid of anything supernatural. FML
Today, I found myself arguing with a 6-year-old over a game of tag. FML
Today, my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come and fuck his shit up for not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Why does a 7-year-old kid of a religious fucknut have a smartphone? They are clearly satanic devices -- that's what makes them so good!
MidnaLink 35
Tell him to call The Pokémon Company and complain. I dare him to tell them about their "Satanic" creations.
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Comments (6)
Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15
me and my friend had a similar issue when she questioned pokemon evolving
BurnInDemonFire 39
Did you explain it's more like metamorphosis?
MidnaLink 35
Tell him to call The Pokémon Company and complain. I dare him to tell them about their "Satanic" creations.
RichardPencil 32
Why does a 7-year-old kid of a religious fucknut have a smartphone? They are clearly satanic devices -- that's what makes them so good!
bloopaloop 27
More to the story???
BurnInDemonFire 39
The handle "BurnInDemonFire"... an avi pic of a Pokémon... who's the real Satanist here? Not me! I'm anti-religious. And that includes Satanism.