Today, it's 30 degrees Celsius in my bedroom, but I need to stay completely under the covers, because even though I live on the other side of the world, I can't stop thinking about Australian huntsman spiders. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, and every day for the last ten days, I’ve woken up in the morning and found another new spider somewhere in my room, ten days in a row. I don’t know where the bastards are coming from but I’m seriously considering sleeping in another room, or buying a new house. FML
Today, my bedroom in my gran's house gets the most sun in the evenings. There is no AC, not even a fan, and the only place cool enough to sleep is the basement. Which probably hasn’t been cleaned since the '80s, and I have to share it with the biggest spider ever and a beehive in the roller shutter casing. FML
Today, the amount of spiders in my house has gotten so bad that it's become routine to shake out any blankets or towels before using them. FML
Today, some spider must have had babies somewhere in the walls, because every five minutes I seem to find yet another spider on my ceiling, in my cupboards, under the furniture, everywhere. I’m so fed up of smashing them, I’m thinking of getting the house fumigated. FML
Today, it's the third day that I can't sleep. Somewhere in my room, there's a mosquito craving for my blood, and every time I'm about to fall asleep, I can hear it flying around. I'm covered in bites, even in places that barely see the daylight. FML
Today, I had to sleep on couch cushions on the kitchen floor because I saw a tiny spider crawl under my bed. FML
Today, on the brink of a stiflingly hot summer, I've come to a terrible realisation. It seems the apartment I've just moved into has been specially insulated to trap enough heat inside for the occupants to survive the planet's next Ice Age. FML
Today, I was taking off my underwear to change into fresh clothes. Pulling them down, I realize there's a big fat spider in them. Not only did I have a spider chilling with my genitals the whole day, but I'm deathly afraid of them. FML
Today, I left the windows open because I live in Florida without air conditioning because the asshole landlord won't fix it. There was nice cool air from the rain. I've killed about 100 flying ants that have made their way inside. Now I have a hot house with closed windows and flying ants. FML
Today, after a particularly gruesome nightmare about spiders due to my irrational phobia, I decided to try and desensitise myself by googling 'house spiders'. I can't stop the feeling of something crawling over every inch of my body, but at least I now know they can live up to six years. FML
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Top comments
Yudith 28
Don't worry; the huntsman's spiders don't bite and are actually quite nice to humans. Also, the giant bats only eat fruits and the lizards are harmless. Crocodiles stay in their farms and pythons are quite big, so again, no worry here. There's a kind of spiders that does bite, though, but if you tap your shoes against the floor every morning, you will not get bitten, especially since you don't live even close to Australia.
John Nemeth 14
Pfft that’s all? They also have giant crocodiles Bats that are as big as foxes Lizards Pythons Shit even the pinecones can kill you Imagine dying to one of those? that’s an FML in its own right.
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Comments (12)
Amanda Jaworski 23
Aussie here too. Huntsmans are nothing, it’s the drop bears you need to be wary of...
Evolving_Squid 15
There are huntsmen spiders in the USA too.