Today, my girlfriend was finally in the mood, when all of a sudden I start hearing loud demands for Elmo. By the time I got the movie started for my son, my girlfriend was completely asleep, in her négligée. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was having a movie night with my significant other. I suggested a classic horror movie binge, and she agreed. However, as soon as the movie started, she fell asleep and started snoring louder than a chainsaw. It's hard to take scary movies seriously with the sounds of a chainsaw going on, I tell you. FML
Today, I was in a movie theater trying to stay awake during a boring film that my girlfriend really wanted to see. Next thing I know, I’m snoring loudly. My girlfriend sharply nudged me awake, and I realized the people in the row in front of me were giggling at me like I was a hibernating cartoon bear. FML
Today, my supervisor was watching a video of his son. I heard a voice in the background and asked if it was Elmo. It was his wife. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML
Today, my boyfriend was complaining about how we never see the movies he wants to see. So I took him to the movies, and he picked which one. Then he fell asleep. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend and his parents, who I haven't known very long. I ended up falling asleep. That doesn't sound so bad, until I woke my drooling self up by snoring extremely loud. FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house. Expecting to get a little action, I was surprised to find that he had fallen asleep while I was showering. I spent my night watching television and browsing the internet while he snored. Loudly. FML
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML
Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Your priorities are screwed up. Your kid is going to become a tyrant! You should have had sex with your girlfriend first, THEN, go start the movie for the kid. He'll have no impulse control if he can't wait the 45-60 seconds it takes for you to have sex.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
So? Wake her up and try again LOL
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Comments (3)
RichardPencil 32
Your priorities are screwed up. Your kid is going to become a tyrant! You should have had sex with your girlfriend first, THEN, go start the movie for the kid. He'll have no impulse control if he can't wait the 45-60 seconds it takes for you to have sex.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
So? Wake her up and try again LOL