Today, I tried to cook an extra healthy, vegetable filled meal for my boyfriend and I. Not only did we notice the vegetables were off a little too late, but he also found my hair in his bowl. We had to settle for turkey dinosaurs and spaghetti loops instead. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend was cooking me dinner. He walked away and I decided to help by giving the pan of veggies a sautee flip. My boyfriend failed to mention that he had just pulled that pan out of a 500 degree oven. FML
Today, while cooking supper with my boyfriend, we both smelled something funny. He tasted the sauce I was making, then asked me to taste it because something was off. I guess the burned Teflon of our cheap pot mixed with Ro-Tel just doesn't work that well. Now we're having dry chicken and plain noodles. FML
Today, I cooked dinner for my boyfriend, hoping to impress him with my culinary skills. I burnt the garlic bread, overcooked the chicken, and managed to set off the smoke alarm three times. When I finally served the meal, my boyfriend said, "It's like a sad buffet at a middle school prom." FML
Today, I made broccoli and peas with dinner. My girlfriend pouted, sulked, and refused to eat "yucky veggies", demanding fries or chips. Apparently, I'm dating a fucking toddler. FML
Today, I made a healthy, delicious dinner. My girlfriend picked at it until it went cold, then stuck it in the fridge. Later, she devoured a giant bowl of sugary cereal, then complained all night that her stomach hurt. This happens a lot. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, when the Taco Bell I'd eaten for lunch came back up for round two. Undigested rice and beans got stuck in his hair. FML
Today, I was quietly admiring my boyfriend from outside the kitchen as he made us dinner, only to witness him drop a load of spaghetti on the floor, swear, then scoop it all up and place it back on the plate. FML
Today, I found a recipe online that looked delicious and not too complicated. Halfway through cooking, I realized I was reading the instructions for two different recipes and had combined them into one horrific dish. The resulting meal tasted like burnt cardboard mixed with regret. My girlfriend ended up ordering takeout. FML
Today, my boyfriend was serving dinner, and decided to circle the table with my son's plate while making UFO noises. My son grabbed at the plate and spilled it, making a huge mess. They both decided that I should clean it up. FML
Today, my idiot boyfriend, who thinks he's an outdoorsman, made sauce from mushrooms he'd foraged. I refused to eat it. He got upset and had two helpings. He's now in bed, whining about how bad he feels. Stupid dumbass. FML
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Top comments
bloopaloop 27
There needs to be another smiley face option. One that implies “This is stupid”.
Kurliez408 32
how did you not notice they were off while cutting them up? also tie your hair next time you prepare food to avoid strays in your food.
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Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
Why are you bothering with vegetables during the pandemic? The world is ending -- we need to eat food we like before we all die!
bloopaloop 27
There needs to be another smiley face option. One that implies “This is stupid”.
Kurliez408 32
how did you not notice they were off while cutting them up? also tie your hair next time you prepare food to avoid strays in your food.
be82tw 17
You get, as a grown@$$ adult, to eat fun dino nuggets and spaghetti O's without any judgement. This isn't an FML, this is winning!