Today, I tried impressing my colleagues by using fancy business jargon during a meeting. I ended up saying, "Let's synergize our ideation to maximize the bandwidth of our paradigm shift." Nobody had a clue what I meant, and me neither to be honest. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I wanted to look clever during a work meeting, so I used a thesaurus to find a fancy word for “important.” I ended up calling a project "pivotal" but mispronounced it as "pee-votal" in front of everyone. FML
Today, I tried to impress my boss with my knowledge of a subject and ended up sounding like a complete idiot. FML
Today, I was trying to give a motivational speech to my team at work, because morale has been low. Halfway through, I blanked and ended up just saying gibberish and stuff like, "We’ll just fake it until we… you know… whatever happens. You know?" Not exactly inspiring. FML
Today, I went for an interview at a great company. Everything was going well until I tried to demonstrate my knowledge of their industry by using a technical term. Turns out I'd completely misunderstood the term and used it in the wrong context. The interviewer raised an eyebrow, and I could see "Don't call us, we'll call you" flicker in their eyes. FML
Today, I confidently answered a question in a meeting, only to realize everyone was staring at me because I’d misunderstood it completely. My boss gently rephrased it while I nodded like that was my point all along. It absolutely wasn’t. FML
Today, I was in a meeting with the team I lead and some of the bigwigs. I was discussing our recent successes, when one of my underlings decided to be a clown and made a dumb pun. The bigwigs all snorted and one said, "The half hour of boring drivel was worth it for that." FML
Today, I had a meeting at work. My boss was there as well as her boss, and a few other managers and directors. We started discussing politics in the context of our latest project. I tried to say "erratic election". I almost succeeded. FML
Today, I spent an entire conversation nodding and agreeing with someone, only to realize near the end that I'd misunderstood one key detail and was agreeing with the opposite of what they meant. I laughed awkwardly and said, “Oh, I thought you meant the other thing.” They said, “I know.” FML
Today, I logged into what I thought was my team’s Zoom meeting. I turned my camera on, waved, and said, “What’s up, nerds?” Unfortunately, I'd somehow joined a client onboarding call for the CEO. Nobody said anything for ten seconds, and then the CEO asked, “And you are…?” FML
Today, I had to give a presentation on how we can improve our department metrics to a group of dumb executives who keep confusing and mixing up IT departments. Our department is doing great, the problem is that the executives keep mixing up the departments and blame us for everything. FML
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Top comments
Anderling 33
A lot of corporate babble is "fake it till people's interpretations of what you're saying make you look smart", but apparently there is a limit.
RichardPencil 32
You stupid ****! If you synergize your ideation you miniaturize the bandwidth of your paradigm shift. That's called groupthink! You need to blue-sky your core competencies to get the 30,000-foot view and boil the ocean. Jeez!
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Comments (8)
Anderling 33
A lot of corporate babble is "fake it till people's interpretations of what you're saying make you look smart", but apparently there is a limit.
Thaylok 17
35 years of business meetings and in NONE of those is more than one of those terms used. Rarely at that are they used. Typically anyone using the words is spotted and called out for total BS. Keeping this short, YDI.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Maybe avoid the all-night thesaurus read-a-thon before your next meeting, champ.
Christina Winden 22
Speak like a human. You sound like a pretentious ass when you try to use a fancy word every two seconds.
Yudith 28
I have to steal it for my next annual meeting. The colleagues will laugh their head off!
RichardPencil 32
You stupid ****! If you synergize your ideation you miniaturize the bandwidth of your paradigm shift. That's called groupthink! You need to blue-sky your core competencies to get the 30,000-foot view and boil the ocean. Jeez!
D J's MOM 17
people sound like an ass when they use business jargon mumbo jumbo. unfortunately the younger generation is now using it for dating. I heard a girl say she does a 'soft launch' with guys, you know, seeing a bunch of them casually before she picks one for a hard launch wtf!?! hahahahahahah. get over yourself bud.
Darthbane2007 19
I never understood the cliche or Stereotype of someone using techno babble or fancy jargon to try and sound smart. it makes you look like a douche...