Today, my sweet, nonviolent boyfriend found out my daughter's asshole boyfriend had hit her, so he rugby-tackled him so hard, it ripped the door right out of the frame and into the garden. I never knew he had it in him, so I'm proud, but now we've got to fix the door. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML
Today, I paid my daughter a surprise visit, only to see her husband beating her. I charged in and slammed him into the wall. She screamed at me to stop. They'd recently gotten into martial arts and were sparring, and now he's got a broken arm. FML
Today, my daughter's boyfriend came to the house to pick her up. As a responsible father, I had an evil plan to torture the boy who dares date my girl, but my wife preempted my plan so during his short visit, she stood behind me the whole time with her taser down my buttcrack in case I acted up. FML
Today, my scumbag son slapped his girlfriend in front of her family, and her dad picked him up and threw him off a second floor balcony. Good for her dad, he deserved it, but now he's laid up at my place and I have to wipe his ass and listen to him whine. FML
Today, I confronted my boyfriend about him and his female friend’s friendship making me uncomfortable. He responded by throwing the mother of all fits and punching a hole in the wall. He said I have to pay for the repair, because I "made him do it." FML
Today, my dad joked he’d have to fight my boyfriend to find out if he’s worthy. My boyfriend grew up abused by his dad and older brothers, and has a powerful instinct to fight back. My dad is now out cold on the floor and my boyfriend is in the corner rocking back and forth and crying. FML
Today, my girlfriend actually walked into a door and gave herself a black eye. She's too embarrassed to admit it, so she's telling everyone I beat her. FML
Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep and completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, I introduced my dad to my boyfriend. I gave my dad the middle finger and he thumped me on the head, as we've been playfully doing for years. My boyfriend got all mad and tried to fight my dad. FML
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Top comments
TCRII 30
Totally worth it.
MidnaLink 35
Make the asshole boyfriend pay for it, it's the least he should do after hitting your daughter.
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Comments (15)
TCRII 30
Totally worth it.
RichardPencil 32
Well, you can cross "nonviolent" off your list of adjectives for him. You can hope he's "appropriately violent" and doesn't start drinking.
rebelwithmouseyhair 18
She can cross "sweet" off too. This VDM is so screwed up I don't know where to start, but I fail to see how one violent BF can be called an asshole while the other is a source of pride.
Iamthebanzai22 21
It's a guy thing. You wouldn't understand.
MidnaLink 35
Make the asshole boyfriend pay for it, it's the least he should do after hitting your daughter.
Rae Miller 10
Get your daughter counseling!!! Or something to make sure she realizes her worth and stays away from that asshole and cycle of abuse!!! Also- file a police report. If he’s old enough to abuse your daughter he’s old enough to face the consequences. Good job boyfriend!!! I wish you all the good vibes I have lady!!!
Rae Miller 10
Get your daughter counseling!!! Or something to make sure she realizes her worth and stays away from that asshole and cycle of abuse!!! Also- file a police report. If he’s old enough to abuse your daughter he’s old enough to face the consequences. Good job boyfriend!!! I wish you all the good vibes I have lady!!!
Mathalamus 25
There are better ways than violence. He did the wrong thing.
rebelwithmouseyhair 18
Why should you be proud that your BF did the same thing as your daughter's BF? I mean, either you're against violence or you're not. Punishing someone for violence by being violent with them is totally skewed in terms of logic.
princess_stabitty 20
If that's what you think, I hope you won't multiply, since all your kids can expect from you is to just sit and look as they are abused by their partners, because hey, you do not support violence.
26octhumbug 13
There is a massive difference between not supporting violence and sitting back and allowing your child to be abused. Don’t be a ****.
Soviet Chilingulo 7
The saying goes, It's always the quite ones.
ojoRojo 27
Seems like a small price to pay
jfigley 5
So does that mean he turned you on and gave him a special night? Even though the door needs to be replaced and all....