Chill out, mom

Today, my mother took a bunch of sleeping pills, then went driving. I followed her and dialed 911. Now she thinks that I was "trying to get her arrested," and she refuses to talk to me ever again. FML

Stealth mode failure

Today, someone knocked at my door. I saw it was my Mom, so I flattened myself against the door and tried to be as quiet as possible. I pulled my phone out and almost had silenced it before she called and heard the ringtone through the door. I had to invite her in and hear the usual "get married and have kids." FML

Not now, Doris

Today, my mom is in the hospital and I'm sitting by the phone in case anyone calls with news. Each time the phone rings, I bolt upright to answer it. So far I've been woken up by two telemarketers, three robo-calls, and some old lady asking for Doris, who doesn't live here. I can't turn my phone off. FML

It's just me

Today, I stopped by my elderly mother’s house to drop off some groceries. I decided to clean the place while I was there, just to be nice. In true Three Bears fashion, I fell asleep on the couch. I was awoken by a police officer pointing his gun at me. My mom woke up and thought I was a burglar. FML

Today, my mom barged into my room at three in the morning, demanding to know where I'd been. I'd been in my room sleeping since ten o'clock. In that time she had called the police, all of my friends, and my ex-boyfriend, asking if I was with them. FML

Today, I was so exhausted that I slept through my phone ringing, and later my doorbell ringing. My psycho mom freaked out, and thinking I was in trouble, broke a window to get inside. This all happened before 7 a.m. FML

Today, after getting home from a twelve-hour shift at work, I got into bed and passed out. My mother soon woke me up, screaming that she could tell I was "fake sleeping" and ignoring her lecture on how I need to stop being so "lazy". FML

Today, my phone rang for the first time in four days. It was my mom. She dialed the wrong number. FML

Today, my mother woke me up by loudly vacuuming the house. I had to work the next morning, so I asked her what she was thinking. She told me that if I was really tired and needed sleep, I wouldn't have woken up. It was 3 AM. FML

Today, I got home from work to find the door locked and dead bolted, so I used my cell to call the home phone while banging on the door. My stepmom came out of her room, looked right at me, laughed, and went back to bed. This is the fifth time she's done this. FML