Nearly FMLs

By Packageception - 27/08/2018 18:23 - United States - Janesville

Today, I was supposed to receive my replacement phone. When I opened the package, it contained another package and a piece of paper that read "Please return your defective phone and we will ship you a new unit." I guess I'm going another two weeks without a phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 197

You deserved it 331

ChromoTec tells us more.

ChromoTec 24

Monday 27 August 2018 16:17

Hey, OP here. This was my first FML published, and I was surprised that it made it. Now then, seeing as I'm typing this, yes, I did get my new phone. It took about 3 weeks on the phone with them (all of the calls took about 8 hours combined) but I finally got them to ship me a replacement, after I had my mom yell at them for about half an hour. It was pretty crazy, and I'm just lucky they sent me another of the same model, and not a cheaper, crappier phone. Also, I appreciated all of your comments, they were pretty funny. I'll try not to brick my phone again, but seeing as I did the first time, I'm surprised there weren't very many YDIs. Thanks for all of your support, and I hope you guys don't have to publish a lot of FMLs (like I had to).

By Kronin - 27/08/2018 16:39 - Australia

Today I lost a backup of my excel spreadsheet with 10+ years worth of work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 18

By "Tucker" - 27/08/2018 15:08

Today, I was at the hospital walking down the hallway and a drug addict was running down the hall screaming, I have Ebola as people in hazmat suits chasing him, they put the hospital on lockdown I've been stuck here for 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 8

By Wigged out - 27/08/2018 05:28

Today, I went to take a shower when I felt something tickling me on my boob. I thought it was a hair. Turns out, an earwig was on my shower curtain and fell on me. Being afraid of bugs, I freaked out and kept swiping it away. I scratched my nipple badly in the process of getting it off me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 15

By SeagullGirl - 27/08/2018 01:30 - United States - Pomona

Today, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. The pain was excruciatingly unbearable, so I went to the doctor and found out I had a severe yeast infection. No one had ever told me not to use soap to clean down there. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 508

You deserved it 924

By Whyher - 26/08/2018 22:39

Today, my girlfriend informed me that she got a “grant” for “school” that she had to pay into “but she’d get it back.” She didn’t take my advice and got scammed for $4k. She now complains about having no money and is constantly on edge, the exact opposite of normal. I love her, but FML.

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 7

By "Andrew Quinn" - 26/08/2018 16:50

Today, after coming back from hanging out at the beach my girlfriends mom got rear ended by a guy I sold a car to. His brakes went out and I told him the brake lines needed to be replaced when he bought it. Michigan is a no fault state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 9

By Ollie - 26/08/2018 01:19

Today, I asked the Walmart door greeter where the nearest payphone was and he kept telling me they were sold in the electronics section. I was telling him "the ones you put the coin in, not a pay as you go" but he just kept telling me they were sold in the electronics section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 20

By sallymae - 26/08/2018 00:59

Today, after being out of work for several months, I called my grandmother and asked her to help me make my late car payments - she said she would send me a check. Two weeks later - no check. I asked her if she mailed it and she said "No! I don't want the damn mailman knowing my business!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 22

By Fired Lead - 25/08/2018 23:30

Today, after I got fired without cause and started an investigation, they called to tell me that they were bringing me back and I could keep my tenure. It would "be like I was never fired" but they're not going to pay me for the 6 weeks I couldn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 743

You deserved it 144

By I can't stand leg puns - 25/08/2018 23:25 - United Kingdom - Feltham

Today, I went to KFC and ordered a meal with a Pepsi. I got the meal, but the drink was a Fanta. I politely pointed this out, so they made me another drink, however, refused to give it to me until I paid for it in full, even though it was their mistake in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 25/08/2018 18:15 - United States - Saint Joseph

Today, I had to explain to my husband that I was tired and moody because I'd had a major depressive episode last night, was still feeling the aftershocks, and I hadn't wanted to bother him with it. His response was to try to get me to blow him, because it would make him feel better about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 25/08/2018 12:32

Today, I was arrested for taking my daughter to the park. She is half Mexican, and the police absolutely refused to believe that I was anything but a pedophile. Child services still have her and my wife is on vacation for another two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 8

By AnotherLilyBart - 24/08/2018 21:09

Today, even though the police have cleared out the multiple meth labs, the abandoned hotel across from my work has new residents! A 20-person van full of sketchy-looking folks. With a canoe. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 5

By starfox - 24/08/2018 20:30

Today, I met an attractive girl at a party. I tried to introduce myself and shake her hand, but she pulled away. The first words out of her mouth were "Touch me and I'll file a restraining order for you." She was friendly with all the other guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 738

You deserved it 271

By Anonymous - 24/08/2018 18:43

Today, I attended a funeral for my cousin's daughter. she died at 13 years. I heard a conversation, one woman saying "such a shame she had to go so young" a few seconds later my phone went off max volume. my ringtone is "die young" everyone stared at me with frowns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 99

By Sickly - 24/08/2018 18:42

Today my doctor told me I'm perfectly healthy despite three months of vomiting several times a day I literally can't be out of arm's reach of a vomit cup because this is no warning when I will puke next I'm not pregnant and all my tests have come back normal.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 24/08/2018 14:15

Today... While working my job as an armed security officer, I helped a guy pick up stuff he dropped. He said “Hey, thanks man! Have a good day bro.” I’m a 5’4” blonde girl with size 36D breasts wearing a form fitting shirt... FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 17

By ~Gon Fishing-~ - 24/08/2018 14:00

Today, I had an OBGYN appointment to check and make sure I wasn’t dilated. I had to put my legs up and what not. She pushed so hard on me that I let out a huge fart in her face. I never wanted to go back.. two weeks later I saw her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 8

By ugh - 24/08/2018 11:18

Today I hit both of my pinky toes on my table and chair's edges. At the same time. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 7

By Johnson - 24/08/2018 06:51

Today I pranked a friend with a coded text message that said "your mom gay". Their parents filed a police report on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 74

By theforgottensibling - 24/08/2018 00:40 - United States - New Port Richey

Today, I got a birthday card from my father. Too bad it was on my deceased sister's birthday. They say to appreciate the sentiment, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 2

By Stressed out mom - 24/08/2018 00:29

Today I got 2 out of 4 of my kids into the doctor to have a "mystery rash" checked out. It turned out to be hand, foot, and mouth, which is VERY CONTAGIOUS. I now have to go home and explain to my 3 year old twins, they can't have it their birthday party this weekend because of boo boos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 5

By Alicabeth - 23/08/2018 23:21 - United Kingdom

Today I tried on some new special underwear to help me feel sexy again. I started it In front of my husband.... his reply was " looks nice " and then he goes back to washing the dishes. Well self confidence, it was nice seeing you for a little bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 7

By TayTay - 23/08/2018 19:45 - United States

Today I started my morning with a cup of coffee and my email. I unexpectedly sneezed and small bits of coffee splashed on my mac trackpad. I wiped it up and forgot about it. 5 seconds later, my computer shorted out and is no longer working. 3rd time, in this job, I've had to have my mac fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 66

By Warmonger_Smurf - 23/08/2018 16:51 - United States - Port Townsend

Today, I was in the old homestead orchard. Digging a resting place for my dog that died last night. I ended up breaking a hydraulic line. So now I have a dead dog, a broken backhoe, and a half dug hole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 13

By L. O. G. - 23/08/2018 05:38 - United States - Ellensburg

Today I ended my two year dry spell by getting a blowjob in my car. halfway through she stops and says “I’m going to throw up”. The dry spell continues... Also a cop came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 16

By Octavia - 23/08/2018 03:12 - United States - La Crosse

Today, me and my boyfriend were having birthday sex for my birthday and it was like round 3 for the morning and in walks my parents with a couple presents. They see me with cum all over and my boyfriend on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 36

By "egcmi" - 23/08/2018 01:58

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been using one of my detergents to wash his genitalia. When I asked him why he'd use that one specifically, he replied "Oh yes, I used it last night as well, what is it?". That was makeup remover and last night we had sex after he washed his penis with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 22/08/2018 23:17 - United States - Sylvan Grove

Today my teacher burned a candle she knew I was allergic to. Last year her daughter did it too. I'm currently on the couch, missing practice, looking like a balloon with a head ache because the principal won't do anything to stop it..... FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 4

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The Top

Today, I called the campus police "anonymously" while my roommate was away and told them about her weed stash because I was tired of her smoking in our room all the time. She had taken her weed to a friend's and got off scot-free. I have a hearing Monday for the Adderall they found in my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 800

You deserved it 130 378

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years took me to get a tattoo done with his name on. He paid for it. After it was done he told me it was over between us and he thought it'd be a nice reminder of him for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315 594

You deserved it 174 176

Random

Today, it's been so long since my fiancé and I have had sex I now apparently have dreams about all-night unprotected screwing marathons with George Bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 345

You deserved it 1 457

Today, I asked my girlfriend's dad for permission to take her hand in marriage. He said no, because he doesn't want her marrying a "sexist idiot who treats her like property", which he thinks asking permission amounts to, then told me to grow up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 854

You deserved it 11 987

Today, my girlfriend hated the idea of sex so much she was willing to give me money for a stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 910

You deserved it 5 994

Today, my dad said he can't go to my graduation because he has to work. He got fired a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 283

You deserved it 2 701

Today, I accidentally filled the lemonade machine with margarita mix that already had the tequila mixed in. It was served to three kids before anyone figured it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 406

You deserved it 42 671

Today, after a 6 month dry spell, my husband was yet again “too tired” to have sex. I guess I finally found something I miss about my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 477

You deserved it 470