Nearly FMLs

By Roy - 02/09/2018 06:03

Today, after just getting my car back from the shop after it died on Monday, it needed to be towed again. For the same issue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 5

By notunattractive - 02/09/2018 06:00

Today, my boyfriend told me, while cuddling, that I am "just not sexy". I try to seduce him regularly, but he always turns me down. But I should feel flattered: it proves how much he loves me, since he stays with me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 454

You deserved it 356

By Anonymous - 02/09/2018 04:10

Today, I worked a 12-hour shift on my day off, a pen exploded in my pocket as I was clocking out, and when I finally got to my car where I could fart in private I pushed too hard and peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 21

By PoleMagnet - 02/09/2018 02:57

Today, it was so cold the tears in my eyes froze causing my vision to blur which in turn caused me to walk into a lamppost. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 02/09/2018 00:03

Today, I've been in bed all day sick with a high fever and sore throat. My husband expects me to get up and cook for everyone, but not breathe to the food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 4

By mute - 01/09/2018 21:20

Today, I decided to spring clean the house. First stripped the bed to wash all the bedding. Showered and couldn't find my phone after half an hour. Found it! When transferring the sheets from the washer to the dryer. It fell off the nightstand into the laundry pile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 17

By Sadmom - 01/09/2018 19:02

Today, we took our kids on a surprise end of summer trip. It was going great until my husband, who was the last to shower, informed me of the broken crack pipe in the bathroom. So much for a non-smoking room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

By GTEEE - 01/09/2018 11:35

Today, I ate a leftover burger which made my stomach feel really bad. I went down in the building I live in to throw the garbage. Going back, I was with a kid and his mom. The kid pressed all the buttons on the elevator which didn't have a cancel button. We went to all the floors. I didn't make it! FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 4

By dreamfreexx - 01/09/2018 09:05 - United States - Woonsocket

Today, I accidentally shit myself after being sick for the past few days. I had just cleaned up and put on fresh PJs when I sneezed, peeing myself in the process FML...

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 5

By Anon - 01/09/2018 01:49 - New Zealand

Today, I finished the wrong assignment. The actual assignment I was meant to do is due by midnight tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 19

By Anonymous - 31/08/2018 19:56

Today, I found out I'm pregnant despite using both the implant and condoms. I spoke to my fiance, two days ago about having a baby. He's not ready. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 19

By "TheZipp33" - 31/08/2018 18:48

Today my girlfriend and I lost our virginity together, the entire time I was so worried about losing my boner half-way through, that it took me out of the moment and I couldn't get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 20

By pissmouth - 31/08/2018 16:09 - Canada - Lower Sackville

Today, my sister's puppy crawled onto my head while I was sitting on the couch and peed on my head. It dripped into my mouth. I rushed into the shower (with a toothbrush) to get cleaned off and ended up vomiting so much that I clogged the drain. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 10

By Really? - 31/08/2018 14:25

Today my mattress is more than 20 years old. Instead of helping me buy a new one, my parents decided to buy a $60,000 car. Their excuse? “Mattresses are expensive, just flip it.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 21

By Elizabeth Ann - 30/08/2018 22:01

Today, I took my car into a mechanic the other day to look at a problem with the shifter. Mechanic said it was fine. Today the shifter got stuck in reverse and I couldn’t get the key out of my car. It had to be towed. I’m a full time college student, who works full time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 3

By QueenF - 30/08/2018 18:25

Today, I was texting with this hot guy from high school, on tinder. Both looking for a FWB situation. I'm really excited because his way out of my league. Later in the back of his car, we are getting hot and heavy, I started sucking him off... something tasted odd. He was bleeding from his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 25

By KMR - 30/08/2018 13:36 - United Kingdom

Today, after a month of being broken up, I was overjoyed when my ex told me he wanted to marry me! He then told me the girl he’d been seeing while we were apart is pregnant with his child... FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 13

By "littl3storm" - 30/08/2018 11:26

Today, I woke up with a painful and blistered bug bite on my left hand. Usually I wouldn't be as bummed, but I've been using my left hand for everything because my right hand and wrist are in a cast. Goodbye independence, fml

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 3

By OnThe*Edge*OverIt - 30/08/2018 10:40

Today, while in the parking lot at work a girl hit my brand new car. Her car was an old used Edge, and she didn’t have insurance. Her mother refuses to send a picture of it, too. Now I’m on edge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 4

By Nick - 30/08/2018 00:42

Today, I pooped myself while sneezing at school. It was 1st period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 29/08/2018 22:12

Today, I told my doctor that my feet had been bothering me for a few days. He told me that the blood is settling in my feet because I'm overweight. I spent the next week, starving myself and exercising, but the pain got worse until I couldn't bear it and got a second opinion. It turned out I had cellulitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 9

By Pandaman123 - 29/08/2018 21:31 - United States - Beckley

Today I fell asleep with my phone in my hand and woke up to realize I had sent my boss a dick pic. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 90

By TinyDickMakesMeSad - 29/08/2018 19:42 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I waited until marriage to have sex with my husband. Turns out he has a 2 inch purple wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 75

By Dros - 29/08/2018 17:15 - United States - Camdenton

Today I found out I have 5 Vacation Days and 2 Sick Days... paid. No one told me and I've been at my job for nearly 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 44

By FMyFamily - 29/08/2018 13:16

Today, my stepmom gave my sister my favorite necklace that I brought with me from my mom's. Because my sister told her that her dead grandma gave it to her, despite the fact that my stepmom was there for her death and I had pictures of myself wearing it years before I moved into their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 5

By SchoolBlues - 29/08/2018 06:22

Today I apparently owe college $800 for tuition when it was previously paid for. Stressed out to come up with it in less than a week, I forgot about a quiz due the same day. Having missed it, I'm not allowed in class until the chapter's over. I might be dropped from class due to absences. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 20

By vee - 28/08/2018 10:53

Today, I confessed to my crush that I like him. I wrote a long text saying how I feel towards him and how much I have feelings towards him. He only wrote "Mhm, so what's up?". FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 28/08/2018 07:37

Today, I decided to be generous and give my man a bj because I was on my period and was very horny (I’ve only given a handful of them in my life). About a minute after he commented on my lack of a gag reflex I threw up all over his penis, stomach and bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 23

By rmsutton - 27/08/2018 23:30

Today, I learned that my dad and stepmom, who live over 3 hours away, visited a flea market with their friends. That flea market is less than 15 minutes from my house. I've been trying to get them to visit me for a trip there for 2.5 years. I found out from my mom tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 738

You deserved it 160

By shubhqwe - 27/08/2018 20:25 - India - Bangalore

Today, I was sitting with the love of my life in my arms and then she told me that her body is with me, but her soul is with her-so-called ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 4

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The Top

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 400 218

You deserved it 46 171

Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 109

Random

Today, my daughter decided to come out to me by leaving a browser window open with the results page of an online "Are you lesbian?" quiz. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 162

You deserved it 10 447

Today, my loyalty and regularity at my local pizza place were noticed. The delivery guy, when bringing yet another order, asked me if the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were living with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 595

You deserved it 11 488

Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 205

You deserved it 4 684

Today, my girlfriend and I were laying in bed. She rolled over and began rubbing my chest. She then said, "Wow babe those are a solid B-cup." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 732

You deserved it 921

Today, a man easily 30 years older than me said hi in a bar, but I didn’t engage. Apparently that meant "Please rub your junk on my leg." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 562

You deserved it 289

Today, I have dated three people in high school and all of them cheated on me. The first one had feelings for, let's say, person A; the second one had feelings for person B; and the third girl had feelings for both person A and B. So, I ain't gonna be dating anyone any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 129