helloworld92 · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·United States

Party zone!!

Today, I hung out with my crush for only the second time at his apartment. He was having a party. After a few sips of my green apple Smirnoff, I puked up the chinese food I had eaten earlier all over his new couch in front of him and a bunch of people I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 581 You deserved it 8 271

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queenariii · This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff ·Atlanta, United States

What a dump

Today, I'm stuck in a ramshackle house that my aunt bought and moved everyone out to. Only one bathroom works, and she won't let us flush it because the house keeps flooding. Four people are stuck here with just one toilet filled with poop and urine, while she's been staying at a friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 264 You deserved it 1 131

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Anonymous · 22 May 2026, 20:00 ·Atlanta, United States

Wake up call

Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304 You deserved it 91

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Anonymous · 21 May 2026, 20:00 ·United States

Dude, gross

Today, I tried to gently tell my boyfriend that he needs to wash his clothes more often as some of them smell pretty musty. He got all pissy (no pun intended) and assured me that none of his exes ever complained about a smell. I can’t even go down on the guy because his crotch smells bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451 You deserved it 107

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Anonymous · 21 May 2026, 00:00 ·Manchester, United Kingdom

Stay away from the litter

Today, it's been about year since I had worms. They're easy to treat but I told no one because I was so embarrassed. Was my house unclean? Was my food undercooked? Cue months of paranoia. Today my parents told me that their cat had worms last year. The same cat they asked me to cat-sit for two weeks. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373 You deserved it 71

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Gross · 18 May 2026, 20:00 ·Sydney, Australia

Kinda gross

Today, my dentist asked me if I floss regularly. Wanting to avoid judgment, I lied and said yes. He nodded, started cleaning my teeth, then pulled out an entire popcorn kernel that had apparently been living in my gums long enough to pay rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 You deserved it 453

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Yak · 12 May 2026, 15:00 ·United States

Fungus

Today, I walked in the bathroom and smelled a disgusting cheesy smell. I looked at the tub and my boyfriend was furiously scrubbing under his toenails with a nail brush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315 You deserved it 80

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Anonymous · 9 May 2026, 09:00 ·Los Angeles, United States

Business time

Today, I've had a crush on this girl at my office for years. Our work sent us to a conference. We bonded there. That night, we were talking by the hotel pool and she leaned in and kissed me. Tongue and everything. The problem is, at 40, I still bite my nails when I'm nervous. Well, she choked on the finger nail in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 You deserved it 594

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fuck · 7 May 2026, 22:00 ·United States

Shit stain is insane

Today, work was so busy that when I went to take a shit, I had to force it and wipe hurriedly. Later, when I got home and hopped in the shower, my wife saw the skid mark in my underwear and lost her shit, calling me a disgusting disgraceful pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187 You deserved it 459

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kady · This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff ·United States

Party!

Today, my boyfriend was holding my hair back while I threw up. The smell then reached him and caused him to throw up in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 271 You deserved it 6 737

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Anonymous · 22 April 2026, 22:00 ·United Kingdom

Big yikes

Today, I slapped my boyfriend’s ass as he was getting out of the shower and came away with shit on my finger. Bear in mind this was AFTER he'd showered, when he’s supposed to be all clean, yet he had enough shit there to get on my finger from patting his cheeks. Not his crack, his cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613 You deserved it 103

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Anonymous · 11 April 2026, 09:00 ·Canton, United States

Better safe than soggy

Today, after thinking I was done with my diarrhea because my last fart was a dry one, I let loose with what was gonna be a good fart. It wasn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173 You deserved it 371

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Anonymous · 10 April 2026, 12:00 ·El Paso, United States

Clogged up

Today, I’m on my third week of my head cold. I wake up every day with barely a voice and I’m constantly spitting and blowing green tar out of my sinuses. Sleep? It’s a luxury until my nasal passages clog and I’m up for at least an hour clearing it up. No joke, I’m about to inhale whiskey up my nose as payback. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307 You deserved it 67

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Tom · This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff ·Israel

Night killer

Today, I was woken up by a funky smell. My dog had eaten a dead bird and thrown up all over my bed and floor. At 4 o'clock in the morning I had to clean up regurgitated bits of bird, feathers, blood and dog food. The smell still hasn't gone away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 833 You deserved it 3 680

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Anonymous · 22 September 2025, 00:00

Goo

Today, I was washing my face and I started rinsing the soap off my face with my eyes closed when I felt something gooey on my face. I opened my eyes to realize I had been rubbing snot on my face from when water got up my nose and apparently snot came down with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 259 You deserved it 118

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Anonymous · 21 September 2025, 20:00 🌶️ Spicy

Taste test

Today, I noticed my boyfriend tasted different than normal so he got a doctor's appointment, which is where he discovered he has a yeast infection under his foreskin. Yuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404 You deserved it 138

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Anonymous · 21 September 2025, 09:00

Kinda gross

Today, while stripping the bed, I noticed black dots on my husband's side of the mattress, and only on his side. That’s when I realised it was mould, because he doesn’t like to towel dry, he likes to let the fan dry him while he’s lying on the bed wet and warm, perfect for mould. Idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431 You deserved it 84

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joshua · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·United States

The sweet smell of success

Today, I started work at my new job. I was excited to have been given an office of my own, but shortly after sitting down at my desk, the door across the hall opened and an unspeakably murderous stench that could've curdled milk seeped in. My office is opposite the men's room. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 157 You deserved it 2 834

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what is wrong with people · 18 September 2025, 09:00

Collector's delight

Today, my boyfriend said he had a "long nose hair" collection. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. He then showed me a tin of long-ass hairs. I gagged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401 You deserved it 119

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Anonymous · 14 September 2025, 12:00

Bad mix

Today, I ate a dragon fruit and drank some aloe. I was at work and had to stop what I was doing and run to the bathroom so I didn’t poop my pants. After I was done, I saw splatters of shit on the floor. Confused, I looked at the toilet. To my surprise, I found out I projectile diarrhea-ed all over my work toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153 You deserved it 347

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Tuna ice cream · 9 September 2025, 03:00

Yummy

Today, after a week of working 18-hour days, I finally sat down to eat more than a sandwich. Unfortunately my kitchen has become a mess and I bypassed the clean bowl I'd put on the counter and ate my ice cream out of the cat's dirty food bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159 You deserved it 388

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TipTopPost · 2 September 2025, 22:00

Stay home

Today, I was sitting on the bus and the guy in front of me turned around and asked for a dollar. I politely said no. Now he won’t stop farting. I literally hate leaving my house anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406 You deserved it 79

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Green_Artist_6409 · 2 September 2025, 09:00 ·India

The passenger

Today, I travelled to the beach, and I got what I thought was a food crumb in my phone charger port. I poked it around and it was so gross to realize that it was an insect. I removed the bug with a tissue corner, used an old brush to clean the rest up. I panicked and thought it was a bug infestation in my hostel room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257 You deserved it 157

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Snot monster · 29 August 2025, 03:00 ·Poland

Snotty

Today, after days of nasal congestion, I stifled a sneeze. It went out my nose, blowing out a massive spray of green gunk, streaked with blood. This happened at a meeting, splattering the table in front of me with green bloody mucus. The other attendees looked horrified and one ran to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375 You deserved it 151

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dre_bro11 · This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff ·Australia

Act of kindness

Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 391 You deserved it 12 581

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Werebothwomen · 20 August 2025, 03:00 ·United States

Roomies

Today, I found out that my roommate of over 8 years assumed “the rag” I keep “above the toilet” was meant for wiping, and “the rag” on the separate towel rack was for washing your face. I have used the hand towel “above the toilet” to dry my hands after washing for a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417 You deserved it 183

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ClintBEASTw00d · 19 August 2025, 12:00 ·Surrey, Canada

Lactose intolerant

Today, at the gym, I attempted to deadlift after binge eating ice cream last night. I need new underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 You deserved it 554

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Zenoa · 14 August 2025, 03:00 ·San Diego, United States

Sticky

Today, I went to work hungover. I was in the back room by myself and thought I could trust a fart. I was so very wrong, and on my own for the next three hours and couldn't go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 You deserved it 464

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Yak · 9 August 2025, 20:00 ·United States

Say it, don't spray it

Today, I heard my coworker sneeze on the other side of the break room, and right after I felt something wet hit my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443 You deserved it 56

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Frankie · 8 August 2025, 15:00 ·Dallas, United States

Public transportation blues

Today, I leaned against a bus window and felt something wet soak into my shoulder. I turned and realized I had just pressed into someone’s half-eaten tuna sandwich wedged into the seat crack. I went on to smelling like fish and mayo all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461 You deserved it 88

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