Tonday, I spent the night in my car because I didn’t want to go home as I just gave my roommate a 30-day eviction notice. My girlfriend is spending the night at a friend's, and I’m too cheap to get a hotel room. FML
Today, I had to explain to a lady at Walmart that my mom, who is rather big-boned, actually suffers from fibromyalgia and arthritis, which is why she has to use motor carts. She didn't believe us, and called my mom "selfish". This is a common occurrence. FML
Today, while walking to my flat, I spotted something white hanging over the handle bar of my parked bike. It was a very used diaper. FML
Today, my wife made me feel like an asshole for not leaving work to come home because she wasn't feeling good. I'm working at a jobsite 1.5 hours away from home, plus my vehicle wasn't at the jobsite either. FML
Today, I had to wake up my mother as the earthquake alarm rang in my country. This is the second quake in less than a week. FML
Today, I was talking to my wife about my struggles with being recognized for what I do well at work, which is partially my own fault since I share credit where I can. Her response wasn't to say, "They should try to see your strong points," but to wonder if she should get a job for financial security for herself. FML
Today, I thought that something that happened with my friends last year had died down. I realised I was on the wrong side of the argument, so I apologised. My friend apologised as well while I was absent, and apparently everyone was crying and hugging. You know the response I got from them? "Umm… OK?" I swear everyone hates me. FML
Today, and thanks to my psychologist, I realized I have yet again wasted years on a one-sided friendship, after said friend cut me out of his life without even speaking to me. The reason? I told him to talk to the people he had issues with before cutting them out of his life. FML
Today, I saw a small child take a really bad fall off his scooter, so I got rid of my cigarette and ran to help him. I asked him if he was alright, or if I could walk him to his house. He replied "I'm okay, but your dress is on fire." It was. FML
Today, I confronted my coworker, who I had a crush on, for lying to me. He’d told me he was gay when I asked him out. He’s now dating another coworker of mine who’s a woman. He took this up with my boss, and I was written up for “creating a hostile work environment.” FML
Today, my tampon leaked right before I had to go to court. I'm the plaintiff and I work for my city, and blood stains isn't a good look. FML
Today, my parents searched my room because yesterday they found one of my friends vapes in my bag, which they made me return. Sadly, they found a box vape with 2 e-juices and gave me a talking to. So now, I'm never allowed out of the house until I'm 18 (I'm 14 right now) and I'm never allowed friends over. Also, they're really mean. FML
Today, and for the past two weeks, my teacher hasn't taken a class, saying that she doesn't want to teach a class as loud as ours. When she does teach, it's near impossible to hear her over the yelling of other students. I checked the syllabus for an exam and it has two topics that she didn't cover. The exam is in two days. FML
Today, I had a date with a girl at a fancy restaurant. In the middle of it she says, "Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom." I watched her get up, walk over to the door, leave, get in her car, and drive away. FML
Today, I'm on a certain diet. I had to have a green protein banana smoothie for breakfast. I shook it up, took a mouthful, and immediately started gagging. Apparently, the seal for the bottle had fallen in, and it got stuck in my throat. Luckily it was slimy and came out relatively easily. I paid $12 for that. FML
Today, my class had a group project. The teacher allowed people to opt to do it alone. I, an introvert with crippling social anxiety, was the only one to do it alone. I still finished before everyone else, with an A. The other students called me a "freak" and many other names, simply because I work better alone. FML
Today, I discovered what it feels like to be extremely constipated while having a vomit-inducing migraine. FML
Today, to get my wife off my back, I introduced our two single friends who are both into QAnon. Not only did they not click, but now they both call us regularly to embellish the insane difference between their beliefs and "what that moron believes." Same words from both of them. FML
Today, I found out that the only reason my husband agreed to marriage counselling is because he finds our therapist attractive. FML
Today, I went out with my parents and a family friend. After saying goodbye to the friend and as soon as the elevator doors shut, my parents started trash-talking the friend's looks, stature, choice of clothes, etc. Now I understand a lot about my education growing up. FML
Today, I had a parent come in for a conference. When she stepped into my classroom, she immediately went on a rant about how I’m "woke indoctrinating" her child and threatened to homeschool her. She then stormed out. I had a rainbow chart of the colors and a poster of multicolored hands. I teach 1st grade. FML
Today, I went out for gas, the first time I've been out since my break up. As I was paying, a mob boss was killed in the parking lot. I was questioned for an hour. FML
Today, my girlfriend confessed that she cheated on me with my best friend. The best part is that I couldn't tell her a thing, because I actually cheated on her with the same friend before. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 25-year-old boyfriend why we cannot get pet raccoons. This is not the first time we have had this conversation. FML
Today, I was jogging and was about to pass a woman ahead of me. I called out I was passing so she wouldn’t be scared. She waited till I was right next to her and pepper-sprayed my eyes while screaming, "Rapist." The cops were there in less than 5 minutes, and even though I was blinded, they still handcuffed me. FML
Today, I came out as bisexual while we were in the car. My mom started crying behind the steering wheel, driving at 85 mph. She later told my dad, even though I asked her not to. My dad said, "Give it a month, he'll grow out of it." I realized I was bi 4 years ago. FML
Today, my sister had about 10 seconds of screen time as a nameless extra in a movie and mom won’t stop crying she’s so proud she saw one of her babies on the TV. I used to work for the BBC. I was on TV for minutes at a time, at least once a week, and she was never this proud of me. FML
Today, my alcoholism reached a new low when I found myself sitting on the toilet drinking a bottle of wine. FML
Today, my psychologist canceled our appointment due to Covid. I'm a mess and was looking forward to our meeting, it's the only constant thing in my life. FML
Today, I was attempting to explain to my boyfriend how the meltdown I had a few days back really messed with my head. Apparently, me calmly talking about my (suspected) autism made him think about Chris Chan. Thanks, babe. FML
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