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Home sweet home, huh?

By ZombieGirl - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Tampa

Today, I signed the lease on my first apartment alone with my boyfriend. We've lived here a month before we got to sign. Today is also the day my neighbors decided to show how they're night owls: all I hear is banging on the walls and them loudly talking and yelling. This will be a long year. FML

agreeclassic 23 013

vote type 1 1 883

Stealthy

By jessye1182 - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Yaphank

Today, I was babysitting, playing hide and seek. I tried to jump behind the armchair, but it tipped, and I hit my head into the wind chimes, ripped the curtain rod from the wall, and smashed my knee into the wall. I lay on the ground in agonizing pain as the little girl shouted, "I know where you are!" FML

agreeclassic 22 975

vote type 1 6 404

Work sucks

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Yellow Springs

Today, my friend explained that his internship was clearly worse than mine because he got yelled at by clients. One of my clients ripped out my hair. FML

agreeclassic 22 881

vote type 1 1 606

Horny and dumb

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, I found out my husband pretends to be a young, bisexual woman online. As if that isn't bad enough, he flipped out and didn't believe me when I told him the other "young, bisexual women" he's been beating it to are probably middle-aged men too. FML

agreeclassic 22 786

vote type 1 1 788

Get out of here

By Anon - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was telling my coworker that I was considering quitting the shady, 50-shades-of-scum business we work at. He snitched to our boss, who quickly fired me on bullshit charges of incompetence, theft, and workplace bullying. I guess I'm not getting a good reference from him. FML

agreeclassic 22 725

vote type 1 6 035

Thrashed

By Ringo McDingo - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while I was sleeping, I managed to knock down the curtains by my bed. That would explain the gash on my head and blood on my bed. FML

agreeclassic 22 560

vote type 1 2 268

Could it be possible…?

By so pray to ariel about it, dipshits - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, two of my friends condemned me for being "narrow-minded", because I couldn't help but laugh at the thought that someone would believe mermaids actually exist. FML

agreeclassic 22 551

vote type 1 5 260

It's coming!

By badmom - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I did such a bad job explaining the recent change from daylight savings time, that my 5-year-old son is now convinced that we're time travellers. FML

agreeclassic 22 472

vote type 1 4 914

Hey!

By Richocet - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was walking home from piano lessons when I saw my dad on a bike, so I shouted after him. He turned his head around and then ran into a tree. It wasn't my dad. FML

agreeclassic 22 352

vote type 1 36 636

Consistent

By Username - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, as I was filling out divorce paperwork, I realized that my son has had the same girlfriend through both of my marriages. He's 17. FML

agreeclassic 21 968

vote type 1 57 767

I'm awake

By meh beard - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML

agreeclassic 21 923

vote type 1 1 645

Congratulations!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, after weeks of being engaged and with the wedding date planned, I finally told my parents. They told me it was my best April Fool's joke ever. I should've waited one more day. FML

agreeclassic 21 704

vote type 1 5 819

Day terrors

By Shameonme - this FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - Morocco

Today, I yelled out while I was asleep. However, I was sleeping during a very important meeting with customers and my boss. FML

agreeclassic 21 695

vote type 1 61 672

Richard

By dickface - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Lewisburg

Today, the cut on my face from getting hit with a baseball healed. It's left a dick-shaped scar. FML

agreeclassic 21 624

vote type 1 1 620

Tipsy

By Anon - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I learned that while most people drunk text, I drunk clean. And by drunk clean I mean put my things away where I won't be able to find them, like my car keys. FML

agreeclassic 21 562

vote type 1 4 284

Pros and cons

By GrandTheftArson - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Waterloo

Today, my ex stole my car keys. Good news is she can't drive stick. Bad news is she set my car on fire. FML

agreeclassic 21 541

vote type 1 1 633

Lawyer up

By gnofin - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking out of a grocery store. I hit the button on my key to open the trunk, which hit an old lady just under her chin and knocked her to the ground. As she laid there, she pointed a shaky, bony finger at me and yelled that she would sue me for everything I have. FML

agreeclassic 20 940

vote type 1 3 180

Blast from the past

By kjcarey123 - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a fax came in at work for a specific job, and I asked the owner of the company who it was for. He replied, "The round one", so I handed it to our rotund Project Manager. Apparently the owner meant the garbage can, not my fat co-worker. Now I'm the asshole of the office. FML

agreeclassic 20 545

vote type 1 44 858

Thanks for your concern

By nothealthy - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my sister called after she found out I was hospitalized with surgery complications. Worried about me? Wondering if I'm okay? Nope. Just mad that I texted her an update rather than calling. I didn't call because I had surgery on my throat and can't speak. FML

agreeclassic 20 492

vote type 1 1 305

Too little, too late

By ThrewItOntheGrooooooound - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Denmark - Odense

Today, a kind cyclist rode up next to me to inform me that my bag of groceries was about to fall off. Exceedingly careful, I slowly brought my bike to a halt. Only at the very second I stood still did I hear the dreaded "twang" as my carrier broke, and my stuff smashed to the ground. FML

agreeclassic 20 225

vote type 1 1 892

Jorts it is

By pantless - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was written up for being late to work. I was late because somebody in my dorm stole my pants. All of them. FML

agreeclassic 19 838

vote type 1 1 316

Industrial logs

By wow - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took a massive dump at work and clogged the industrial toilet. Since I used the unisex one at the end of the hall, I watched my super hot coworker walk in after me. And then she ran out immediately. Everyone had seen me walk out before her. FML

agreeclassic 19 692

vote type 1 37 323

Not on the weekend

By jtaylor94 - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my dad's boss called our house and I answered. He said, "Is your dad home?" I replied, "I'll go check." I put the phone on mute and asked my dad if he wanted to talk to his boss. My dad says, "Does that asshole not have a life?" Turns out the phone wasn't on mute, it was on speaker. FML

agreeclassic 19 504

vote type 1 43 177

Annoyed

By Cammy - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was pissed off. I kicked a soccer ball into my wall, and it bounced back, hit my head, and knocked me into the wall behind me. My head hurts like hell. Even inanimate objects hate me. FML

agreeclassic 19 472

vote type 1 63 828

Spud

By cheat - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I cheated at card games to let my boyfriend win. I did it because I don't like him to throw the cards at me when I win. Now he just thinks I'm "so slow a turtle could kick my ass" and that he has "a cute little bubbly spud-brained girlfriend." FML

agreeclassic 19 331

vote type 1 37 703

Unbelievable

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was relaxing alone at a bar when I was approached by the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen. She was too good to be true, so I asked, "Is this some kind of a prank?" She immediately turned around and left. She thought I was calling her ugly. I'll never see her again. FML

agreeclassic 19 300

vote type 1 79 058

The Hangover

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Newark

Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML

agreeclassic 19 188

vote type 1 9 982

Kinda sus behavior

By dumped and dusted - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, three weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML

agreeclassic 19 150

vote type 1 2 112

Rock n roll circus

By Zero_TAlent_ - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Gettysburg

Today, the drummer from my band stole the $200 deposit for our rental practice space and used it for a trip down to Maryland with his girlfriend. A few hours ago, my brother and I found him passed out in his cousin's house, very hungover. His first words to us were, "Can I borrow 20 bucks?" FML

agreeclassic 18 757

vote type 1 1 682

Nice try, loverboy

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a really cute waitress at lunch. I decided to leave my number and a $50 bill for a $15 check. When I left the restaurant I realized I still had the $50 but a $1 bill was missing from my wallet. I've been getting threatening text messages all day. FML

agreeclassic 18 708

vote type 1 64 635

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I put in my two-week notice. My boss responded by saying, "Okie dokie" and hanging up. Guess they were glad to be rid of me. FML

agreeclassic 12 089

vote type 1 2 012

Today, as I was fueling my truck, I was asked out to dinner by a 65-year-old retiree. I'm 25. He stormed off and called me a bitch for politely turning him down. FML

agreeclassic 3 035

vote type 1 295

The most frustrating sound ever.

agreeclassic 465

vote type 1 89

Today, I went to the hospital for constant dizziness and insomnia, and was diagnosed with anxiety. I figured out that the main source of my anxiety is not my job but my boyfriend, who has avoidant personality, which makes him constantly refuse almost everything that I request. He's a guy who just doesn't know how to show his love. FML

agreeclassic 334

vote type 1 219

Today, my mother shared my phone number with my brother, despite my explicit wishes that she didn't. He immediately went and put it on Craigslist and several other websites. This is the fourth time I've had to change my number for that very same reason. FML

agreeclassic 30 827

vote type 1 2 473

Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML

agreeclassic 26 508

vote type 1 2 818