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By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I went on my first date in over a year, and my best friend popped up at the restaurant uninvited. To make it worse, she pulled up a chair right in between us and started an argument with the bartender. FML

agreeclassic 2 347

vote type 1 248

Hello? Is it me you're looking for?

By forever alone - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I was so desperate for someone to talk to I called various restaurants pretending to be interested in ordering food, just so I could have a conversation. I called eleven different places. FML

agreeclassic 2 304

vote type 1 1 089

Windshield blues

By Damnit - this FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today I noticed a large crack in my windscreen. Two weeks after getting it replaced. The warranty doesn't cover cracks. Several attempts were needed to replace it last time for reasons like losing the new windscreen and telling me they couldn't make it that day and turned up any way after I'd gone out. FML

agreeclassic 2 277

vote type 1 231

Shelved plans

By twobyfour - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, after spending two hard months losing 20 pounds of my 80 pound goal, I was actually excited to exercise. After I was done exercising, I fell down the stairs and broke my ankle. FML

agreeclassic 2 221

vote type 1 283

Tales of the Unexpected

By maddyUnderstood - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I went into a job interview for Quizno's. The boss there talked to me for an hour and half about everything on God's green earth. She noticed I was a certified swim instructor. I left Quizno's with no job, but with an appointment to teach the boss how to swim tomorrow at 9 a.m. FML

agreeclassic 2 210

vote type 1 259

Just a friend

By UnluckyTh1rteen - this FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - United States - New York

Today, my boyfriend went to get coffee with a friend. As a joke, I texted him to ask how his date with his other girlfriend was going. It really was a date, and apparently it went very well. FML

agreeclassic 2 207

vote type 1 287

Make your mind up

By Jason Brazil - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, my boss threatened to fire me because I'm unproductive, and haven't been doing anything. He doesn't tell me what to do, and expects me to read his mind. When I ask him what he wants me to do, he gets pissed and says that I should already know what to do. FML

agreeclassic 2 196

vote type 1 560

I'm a realist

By abbiexo97 - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I had a dream that I had to abandon my shopping at the checkout due to lack of funds. Even in my dreams I don’t have any money. FML

agreeclassic 2 139

vote type 1 251

LEAVE ME ALONE

By sleepless - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, it's the third day that I can't sleep. Somewhere in my room, there's a mosquito craving for my blood, and every time I'm about to fall asleep, I can hear it flying around. I'm covered in bites, even in places that barely see the daylight. FML

agreeclassic 2 133

vote type 1 260

Business savvy

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff

Today, my nephew, who I was assured had previous experience, was closing jobs down on the computer after dealing with the customers on the phone without processing the payment for any of their orders. He’s been working for me for weeks. God knows how much money I’ve lost. FML

agreeclassic 2 122

vote type 1 632

Congrats!

By Bittersweet - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, after 10 years of frequent international air travel, I got my seat upgraded for the very first time. Also, for the very first time in 10 years, the airline lost my luggage. FML

agreeclassic 2 064

vote type 1 167

Freaked out

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, my son was crying and refusing to sleep in his room because a spider ran along the wall, and it's now hiding somewhere. He’s 19. FML

agreeclassic 2 020

vote type 1 544

Slippy

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, on the bus, water kept dripping on my head so I stood up to move. As I got up, the bus turned round a corner and I fell over into a man's lap. When I tried to get up, I slipped down between his legs and the next seat. FML

agreeclassic 2 016

vote type 1 312

Babysitter blues

By UnpaidBabysitter - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United States - New York

Today, I was shut in a boiling hot room with six children: a ten year-old who kept shouting; a belligerent seven year-old; two five year-olds who thought hitting me was funny, and two two year-olds who wouldn't stop crying. Their parents were just outside, laughing away, ignoring me. FML

agreeclassic 2 013

vote type 1 284

Slobber

By Sad_Happy_Gorl - this FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, after getting together with the guy who I like, and who actually likes me back, he finally kissed me. Unfortunately, he kisses like he’s trying to suck out my soul. FML

agreeclassic 1 986

vote type 1 297

I don't know either

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I went camping in the mountains with my girlfriend and her very outdoor loving mountain. I sprained my ankle falling out of the car and got a bug bite on my penis while peeing. Her dad actually asked why she was dating me and she admitted that she had no idea. FML

agreeclassic 1 961

vote type 1 669

Smoke signals

By rejected - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend, who's on vacation halfway across the world, but he didn't respond. I mentioned it to my younger sister who said, "It probably just takes a while for the text to get all the way there." My mom piped up, "Don't be dumb sweetie, he's just ignoring her." FML

agreeclassic 1 961

vote type 1 380

Demon drink

By Aliiveopen - this FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - United States - Wasilla

Today, my mom got blackout drunk and tried to fight me, my stepdad, and my brother, resulting in my stepdad leaving, my brother getting two holes from a metal shelf my mom tried to joust him with, and I got bit. FML

agreeclassic 1 940

vote type 1 170

Goodbye

By nba - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, my coworkers threw me a going away lunch, since I’m moving on to a better opportunity. Nothing reminds you why you’re leaving like being the last person to your own party, and picking over the minuscule amount of food scraps that are left. FML

agreeclassic 1 937

vote type 1 372

On the runs

By coloneltushfinger - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I did the best at-home manicure I’ve ever had. I took my time and it looked like it was done professionally. As soon as I put on the top coat and waited for it to dry, my stomach rumbled and I had to run to take a dump. The polish smeared everywhere, ruining the whole thing. FML

agreeclassic 1 930

vote type 1 483

The one with the phone addiction

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, after feeling like I've been sucking as a friend and contacting a friend who has called me their best friend, but doesn't talk to me much, we grabbed a coffee. The whole time I was trying to have a conversation, she was on her phone. FML

agreeclassic 1 913

vote type 1 265

Cool kid

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out why everyone stares at my car when I turn a corner. My power steering squeals, and it sounds like a screaming child. I don't have enough money to fix it right now. FML

agreeclassic 1 877

vote type 1 271

Boo!

By Today - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, in my school's rugby grand final, I had to take a penalty kick to win the game. Possibly the easiest kick I've taken all year. I stuff it up, and it completely missed. A crowd of 2000 people laughed, and later booed me off the field. FML

agreeclassic 1 867

vote type 1 484

Paper-thin walls

By Lauren Davies - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML

agreeclassic 1 863

vote type 1 436

GET UP

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I left the apartment door open so the construction workers sent by our landlord could work in the kitchen, while I slept in after working a late shift. They knocked on the bedroom door at 7 a.m., asking me to move the bed. FML

agreeclassic 1 828

vote type 1 241

Don't mind me

By Moon-chan - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I was cycling home. On the way, my laces got stuck in the bicycle pedals and I couldn't move the foot that got stuck. The bicycle fell over, with me attached to it. Everyone was looking at me like, "What are you doing?" FML

agreeclassic 1 769

vote type 1 453

HELP!

By SeatofIgnorance - this FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML

agreeclassic 1 764

vote type 1 5 467

Hoarded in

By nola2005 - this FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, as my gaze went from the cobwebs hanging from my ceiling to the opened and unopened Amazon boxes in the corners of my house, I realized I'm on my way to being a hoarder. I'm too tired and depressed to do anything about it. FML

agreeclassic 1 715

vote type 1 695

Meanwhile, at Harvard…

By 552220000 - this FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I raised my hand to answer a question, but I forgot the answer, so when the teacher called on me, I just said, "I need to pee." FML

agreeclassic 1 698

vote type 1 626

Duh

By psb1990 - this FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, a guy on the street introduced himself as a photographer with a project about women's feet and asked if he could take a photo of mine. He showed me his Instagram, which looked legitimate at a glance, so I agreed and followed him. Turns out it's a fetish account. FML

agreeclassic 1 545

vote type 1 4 517

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, my blind date turned out to be my gynecologist. FML

agreeclassic 53 890

vote type 1 4 621

Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML

agreeclassic 35 820

vote type 1 20 071

Today, I got my one year-old daughter vaccinated. My wife tried to leave me, because she's "never felt more betrayed". FML

agreeclassic 4 179

vote type 1 616

Today, I almost got fired for not following my boss on Twitter and Instagram. FML

agreeclassic 14 935

vote type 1 1 194

Today, I was telling my dad how my boyfriend dumped me yesterday. He responded by blowing his nose into his hand, wiping it in my hair, then saying "There, a REAL problem to whine about." FML

agreeclassic 26 199

vote type 1 2 900

Today, I was working at the library. Some punks thought it would be funny to shit in a book, close it and return it in the drop box. The fact that it was sitting outside in the ninety degree heat for a couple hours did not help the stench; it was everywhere and I had to clean the mess. FML

agreeclassic 60 242

vote type 1 2 951