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Explain yourself

By potheadloljk - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - East Machias

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house when I got a call from my parents. They told me to come home immediately. Panicking, I rushed home. My dad pulled out a clear tube filled with dried leaves. They accused me of having marijuana. It was catnip for my kitten. FML

agreeclassic 28 669

vote type 1 2 170

Planning ahead

By Ma_Nikka - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Olivehurst

Today, my boss called me in to have a serious talk. The "serious talk" was him asking me to notify him of my menstrual cycle ahead of time so he can "avoid that shit". FML

agreeclassic 28 664

vote type 1 3 035

Territorial Pissings

By El Camino - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I parked in a different lot because the one I usually park in was full. When I came back later, a bumper sticker was stuck to the windshield that said, "INCONSIDERATE F***, DON'T PARK HERE AGAIN!" To make matters worse, it was stuck on with a special type of glue, so it can't be removed. FML

agreeclassic 28 656

vote type 1 5 176

Great start

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I met my new roommate. She severely struggled with pronouncing my name, and decided that to save time and the effort, she's just going to call me what she thinks my name sounds like: Lube. FML

agreeclassic 28 495

vote type 1 3 341

High times

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went on a date to the zoo. I soon found out that my date had eaten several hash brownies before entering. FML

agreeclassic 28 466

vote type 1 4 291

Kinda cruel

By Anon E. Mouse - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Waterville

Today, my ex told me about how much the person she left me for loves the lingerie I bought her. FML

agreeclassic 28 463

vote type 1 2 314

My personal Gettysburg

By Earthboundb - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I just got back from a Civil War Reenactment in Virginia, my first big event in years. I spent over $200 on gas and food, and had to drive for over 10 hours both ways from Massachusetts. When I finally got there I realized I had left my uniform at home. FML

agreeclassic 28 363

vote type 1 61 900

Great idea!

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML

agreeclassic 28 277

vote type 1 3 320

Gross idea

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my fingernail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML

agreeclassic 28 234

vote type 1 3 045

Thanks, appreciate it!

By witt75 - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was overdrawn $15 at the bank. I paid in my last $80 in cash, only for them to inform me that I've been slapped with $90 in overdraft fees. FML

agreeclassic 28 123

vote type 1 6 342

What the actual ****?

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after having finally kicked my insomnia's ass after three hours, I was woken up by something I only thought happened in movies. Someone had paid for a Mariachi band to play for their girlfriend, outside my apartment building, in the middle of the night. FML

agreeclassic 28 028

vote type 1 1 793

And I oop

By SuperBunny - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend was taking me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet, I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club, pointing at the woman. It was his mother. FML

agreeclassic 28 021

vote type 1 62 591

Scarred for life

By Gabby125 - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got back from a three week trip in the Alaska back-country. I survived climbing fatally steep mountains, white water rafting in a freezing glacier river, and a near bear attack. Despite all that, a badly thrown frisbee managed to split my eyebrow in half. FML

agreeclassic 27 978

vote type 1 4 404

Help?

By StungAlot - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got stung by jellyfish. As I was writhing in pain on the beach, my dad comes up and asks me to be quiet and that I'm embarrassing him. FML

agreeclassic 27 716

vote type 1 2 818

Trans rights! (but also trans wrongs)

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Bargoed

Today, my ex came out as transgender. I had absolutely no problem with this, in fact I celebrated her bravery. What I did have a problem with was all my friends immediately assuming that this was the reason I broke up with her, and not that she'd cheated on me for six months. FML

agreeclassic 27 696

vote type 1 1 968

Expert level

By badadvise - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Mexico - Guadalajara

Today, I found out my marriage counselor is currently going through her second divorce. FML

agreeclassic 27 671

vote type 1 2 672

Simp

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it was the girl of my dreams' birthday. She already knows I am totally in love with her. So for her birthday I decided to buy her a $60 dollar bottle of rum for her and her friends to have fun with. She picked it up from my house with her new boyfriend waiting in the car. FML

agreeclassic 27 585

vote type 1 40 194

Happy memories

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, on our first holiday together, my boyfriend decided to spend his time reminiscing about having come here once with his ex. He then decided to go type up an email to her about it. FML

agreeclassic 27 561

vote type 1 2 271

Labs

By shtidsfpa - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Shelby

Today, I only just found out that the abbreviation "lbs" is actually short for pounds. I've been saying "labs" my entire life. I'm 21. FML

agreeclassic 27 453

vote type 1 56 296

Steve? Pete?

By somefamily - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Wayne

Today, I found out that I've been calling my boyfriend's dad by the wrong name for the past two years. No one had told me sooner because they liked laughing at me for it when I wasn't around. FML

agreeclassic 27 439

vote type 1 4 509

Snaggled

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Tucson

Today, I bought some beef jerky. As I put the first piece in my mouth, I thought to myself, "Wow, this is tough enough to break a tooth." It was. FML

agreeclassic 27 379

vote type 1 3 618

Hydra

By whatisthisidonteven - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Israel - Ramat Gan

Today, I was scheduled for an interview at a local firm owned by two partners. The secretary told me to be there at around 12:00 to 12:30 pm, so I arrived at 12:15. The first boss told me off for being early, the other one yelled at me for being late. FML

agreeclassic 27 369

vote type 1 2 719

Lumpy

By CantBlink - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Jersey City

Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML

agreeclassic 27 091

vote type 1 2 789

Supportive

By Username - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

agreeclassic 27 089

vote type 1 2 457

Put those away

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I had to close my eyes in shame and pretend I didn't exist, as my mom gave a cop a good look at her wrinkled, prune-like cleavage and tried to convince him that the speed limit is optional. FML

agreeclassic 27 062

vote type 1 1 906

Song sung blue

By Anonymous - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Houston

Today, I was upset over a recent break up. It showed while I was at work, and I made a customer sad just by looking blue. She complained to my manager. I got written up for being so depressed that I got a customer depressed too. FML

agreeclassic 26 974

vote type 1 3 725

Nice try

By clumsy - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, I tried to "trip" and fall into this guy I've had a crush on. I missed and fell on my face. He stepped over me and kept walking. FML

agreeclassic 26 970

vote type 1 54 631

With friends like these…

By petra84 - this FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Evans

Today, I let a friend borrow a power saw. When I found it on my porch later, the blade was missing and the cord was cut. Looking closer, I realized it was his saw. He kept my new one. He totally denies that he switched them and now won't answer his door. FML

agreeclassic 26 896

vote type 1 2 362

Morning!

By whydoihavecats - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I found out what mouse intestines squashed against my bare feet feels like. FML

agreeclassic 26 841

vote type 1 2 727

Smooth gym bro

By Dkim620 - this FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was running on the treadmill at my local gym when I saw a girl I like a lot. I called out to her to say hi. As she was coming over, I accidentally stepped on the belt with one foot, crashed down on the treadmill, and continued to slide down in front of her, emerging with a gashed knee and arm. FML

agreeclassic 26 830

vote type 1 4 500

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, my boyfriend informed me that the mother of his children, from whom he is not divorced yet, is moving back into his house because she broke up with her boyfriend and has nowhere to go. FML

agreeclassic 30 665

vote type 1 8 350

Today, I asked my best male friend to help repair my car because it broke down. He responded, “Why don’t you ask the lovely guy you’re dating instead, since obviously he’s better than me?” Apparently he’s still upset I didn’t reciprocate his romantic feelings and chose someone else. FML

agreeclassic 266

vote type 1 981

Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML

agreeclassic 23 200

vote type 1 2 829

Today, the office I clean as a janitor left some candies with a note saying, "Take as many as you like." I was flattered and felt like I was finally being recognized for my years of hard work. Later, I found the same candy with a single bite taken out of it in the trash, along with the rest they'd spat out. FML

agreeclassic 904

vote type 1 131

Today, I saw a girl making out with presumably her boyfriend. This wouldn’t be a problem if she hadn’t told me she was asexual and didn’t like to be touched. The worst part is this isn’t even the first time this has happened to me. FML

agreeclassic 692

vote type 1 355

Today, I cried so much I felt nauseous and almost puked. Why was I crying? I made up a hot, brooding, cold, and heartless guy who secretly cared about me, and who's super protective. Then I imagined him dying by being stabbed. I cried over a guy I made up in my head. FML

agreeclassic 198

vote type 1 1 381