The Top

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Burn!

By morningeyes - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was trying to remove a temporary tattoo my friend put on my cheek. When warm water and soap didn't work, I tried something else. Just so you know, Mr. Clean Magic Erasers do not, in fact, work by magic. Tell that to the massive chemical burn covering half my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 201

You deserved it 95 781

Best clapback

By wetbutt - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 120

You deserved it 69 010

This is fine

By wowimscrewed - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my roommate told me there is some restricted number that keeps calling and waking her up at odd hours of the night. She then says she's getting the police involved to find out who it is because she feels "harassed". I'm the restricted caller calling to wake her up from snoring so loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 798

You deserved it 33 378

So brave

By Erbtosis - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Seattle

Today, my five year-old had to break the news to me that my husband was leaving me for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 712

You deserved it 1 448

Love language

By gummy bear - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend, "Where art thou, my love?" via SMS. She replied, "Toilet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 662

You deserved it 31 267

Stealthy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, while my boyfriend was sneaking out before my parents awoke, he slipped on some ice and fell on their car. The alarm went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 428

You deserved it 30 267

Not in the mood

By prettybich - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I'm severely hungover. Upon returning home, I came to find that both of the elevators were out of order. I live on the 12th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 402

You deserved it 36 706

Sexy time

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 191

You deserved it 1 777

How could you?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I briefly had the coolest boss in the world. He stormed over to a nasty customer who was giving me hell, and he absolutely laid into her. It lasted about 10 seconds before he collapsed from a major heart attack. A coworker's already blamed me for not pacifying the customer in the first place and causing all this to happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 178

You deserved it 1 088

For whom the bell tolls

By Christina - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I noticed an old bell at the bar so I rang it. It turns out that when you ring the bell, you buy shots for the whole bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 881

You deserved it 50 534

So romantic

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Middleboro

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by handing me a ring and saying, "Let's get this dumb shit over and done with." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 515

You deserved it 2 020

The horror!

By duped - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend confessed that he hates horror films. Our relationship was born out of our 'love' for horror films. I have endured 3 years of watching films that absolutely terrify me only to find out he doesn't like them either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 491

You deserved it 49 770

Don't feed the trolls

By pathetic - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I was trolling in a chat room when someone said, quote, "He's just a no-life, unemployed loser still living in his mom's basement. Probably spends all day stroking his tiny dong and fantasizing about having a real girlfriend." I actually started crying because it was so accurate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 287

You deserved it 57 197

Where am I?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Netherlands - Den Dungen

Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 280

You deserved it 5 038

Spooky

By BadgerSpirit - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I woke my husband up at 2 a.m., screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally said, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four-year-old daughter with her blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 003

You deserved it 44 228

Sketchy

By Notadrinkanddriveidiot - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the backseat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 776

You deserved it 47 657

Confusing

By frenchpop1960 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was over at my boyfriend's house and I heard a strange sound. I laughed and said, "It sounds like a dog throwing up!" He listened for a second and said, "That's my mom crying downstairs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 597

You deserved it 42 152

Truth hurts

By Unemployed - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Hinchinbrook

Today, I discovered that my supervisor, who I thought liked me, actually thinks I'm incompetent and lack emotional intelligence. I'm a student nurse and I've just listed her as my reference for our single, statewide job application. There's no way to change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 168

You deserved it 1 389

Nuts

By Painful - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was sitting around a bonfire when an ember landed on my crotch. Without thinking, I quickly slapped at it and hit myself square in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 111

You deserved it 40 257

Nice try

By klutz - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, me and my friend were following this hot lifeguard around a waterpark. In the wave pool, I decided to be cute and "accidentally" bump into him during the waves to start a conversation. As I prepared to do this, a large wave pushed me off my feet and I fell face-first into his butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 947

You deserved it 57 270

Denial

By Lady Bloodshart of the Redwater - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Arlington

Today, while at a restaurant, my date shat himself. He spent the entire meal pretending nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 870

You deserved it 1 052

Freaked

By paranoid - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 840

You deserved it 55 488

Hot wheels

By Liam. - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said, "Nice chair." She replied, "Nice bruise" and punched me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 781

You deserved it 52 464

Sting operation

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I sold a customer some beer. He then asked to see the manager, and told me he was a 19 year-old undercover cop. My knee jerk reaction was to panic and curse aloud, before realizing he was balding, toothless, probably 50, certainly not a cop, and laughing at me for being such a gullible moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 765

You deserved it 54 398

Honest

By TheHeirofTime - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Marlborough

Today, I had to cancel an appointment due to diarrhea. I was so nervous that when the receptionist asked why, I told her, "I can't stop shitting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 558

You deserved it 1 840

Shoot your shot

By snowmon06 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, a girl on my Snapchat list posted a story asking for anybody who was awake to talk to her. Me being awake, I took her up on the request. Her response? "Sorry I didn't mean you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 469

You deserved it 1 737

Leave me alone

By TordNorski - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Mission Viejo

Today, I finally had a day off in two weeks and I was excited about getting to sleep in. At 5 a.m., my mom loudly knocked and came in. When I asked her what she wanted, she said she was checking to see if I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 303

You deserved it 1 193

Retail work hell

By checkthelabel - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Fremont

Today, I had a throbbing cluster headache. It didn't help matters when an angry customer yelled at me because a dress was "defective." Why was it defective? It didn't fit her. Why didn't it fit her? It was the wrong size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 284

You deserved it 915

Not a good look

By Da Boss - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, my coworker and I agreed to come clean and tell our fellow employees that we have been secretly dating for a while. Before we could, I received a promotion. I'm now his boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 273

You deserved it 2 064

Brother in law enforcement

By Sunshinenwhiskey - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Dallas

Today, I found out why my sister hasn't been answering my texts or phone calls. Her husband blocked my number on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 189

You deserved it 1 053

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 423

You deserved it 35 793

Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 256

You deserved it 5 710

Today, I found that my "lesbian" best friend and roommate is now dating the guy I've been trying to get a date with for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 052

You deserved it 3 363

Today, I woke up to find myself drenched in piss after a long night of drinking. I immediately sprang into action, tossing my bedding in the washer and hopping into the shower. Running late for work, I threw on a nice dress and got into my car. Guess who also peed in the drivers seat? FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 012

You deserved it 53 219

Today, I found out my husband potty trained my stubborn three year-old son who prefers diapers. He managed this by peeing with him and "sword-fighting" with their urine streams. I now have to clean pee off the ground every time he urinates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 765

You deserved it 2 782

Today, while going through my daughter’s room, I found a pair of pants with the security tag still attached. My daughter is a thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 502

You deserved it 343