Nearly FMLs

By ToothyDinner - 18/07/2018 23:43

Today, I found what looked like a tooth in my dinner. I started freaking out thinking it was mine... but then in the midst of the panic, mom suddenly said "Hey, I think I broke a crown" and we realised just whose it was. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 4

By Mortified - 18/07/2018 21:42 - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, I had to sit through a very long explanation about how I'm hotter recently and why guys will want to "bed" me. I'm 17. The person explaining this was my father. I'm creeped out beyond belief and I'm meant to be going on holiday with him soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 6

By kuroliam - 18/07/2018 21:10

Today, I came across a very religious guy I dated years ago before coming out. He saw me as a boy and yelled in front of the church, "How could I have fucked you???" My family was passing by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 11

By CarGuy - 18/07/2018 19:44

Today, while I was watching over my pastor's house, one of his dogs urinated, defecated, and vomited on the carpet upstairs. Somehow it must've forgotten that the dog-door to the backyard is always open... Regardless, I assume I will be reminding my pastor of his sermon on forgiveness tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 18/07/2018 12:37 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after I was offered a promotion at work, I found out today my driver's licence will be suspended due to medical reasons. I work on the opposite side of the city. My medical issues are due to an accident on the city bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 5

By jealousy much? - 18/07/2018 19:00

Today, my boyfriend and I announced to my son and his daughter that they'll have a half-sibling soon. His daughter was stunned, and my son disgustedly went: "No! No! NO! Your unemployment and his disability checks aren't even enough to pay for the bills of this house!" He's 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 571

You deserved it 7 236

By LeftForPrompto - 18/07/2018 15:21 - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, marks the third week of my wife not paying me any attention. Three weeks ago I introduced her to Final Fantasy XV, during which time she decided she prefers one of the characters for me. She spends all of her free time on our PC and talks about him constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 25

By weratapo - 18/07/2018 21:40 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today my coworker who constantly flirts with me was flirting with me. I flirted back once. I’ve just been called into HR for sexual harassment. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 15

By Anonymous - 18/07/2018 01:35 - United States - Marcellus

Today I told my mother that I'm going on vacation with my sister in a few weeks. the only thing she said to me was "Don't come home pregnant." thanks mom FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 13

By Kevin Morales - 17/07/2018 17:45 - United States - Dekalb

Today, I found out I'm severely allergic to aloe when I had a negative reaction to a sunburn cream and was shipped to the hospital with welts on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 7

By b00ts3ct0r - 17/07/2018 17:21 - United States - Roseville

Today, I found out my abusive ex got engaged. Meanwhile, my boyfriend recently told me he doesn’t love me half as much as I love him. Guess the search starts again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 3

By Risinng - 17/07/2018 20:04

Today, My girlfriend of 2 years left me for another man. Later I found out she met him while working as a prostitute. She apparently did it for over a year now.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 7

By lolatmylife - 17/07/2018 11:32

Today, while watching TV with my boyfriend, he started to touch himself under the blanket and then promptly excused himself to the bathroom to finish. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 16

By "T1A2Z3" - 16/07/2018 00:52 - Spain - Las Palmas

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because I was upset when he called me "heavy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 12

By Eyeballs - 16/07/2018 01:24

Today, while trying to fall asleep, I got really annoyed with a weird clicking sound. I spent quite some time trying to figure out what it was, not being able to sleep. I finally realized that the sound is produced by my left eyelid whenever I blink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 7

By sadbirthday - 15/07/2018 22:35

Today is my birthday. My grandma called me with a long speech about me being a lesbian because she saw a friend write a heart felt day post on Facebook to me. Everyone at my surprise party spent the night congratulating me on coming out. I’m not even a lesbian btw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 7

By Ummm, no - 15/07/2018 22:26

Today, I came home to my roommate jerking off in the living room for something on his phone. When he saw me, he asked me about what we had in the fridge while continuing to masturbate. After he finished, which happened while we talked, he asked if I would jerk off in front of him to “get even”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 15/07/2018 22:18

Today, people I knew talked about how fun my surprise party was for my birthday. Then one of my old friends found out he wasn't invited and was upset at me for not inviting him. Now he didn't ever want to talk to me anymore. Little does he know I didn't organize the party to begin with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 6

By tayd - 15/07/2018 21:04

Today, me and my dad were supposed to go out and eat burgers. Turns out he lied, and he thought it would be consoled to tell me we have “plenty of food” in the house. Literally the only things we have left are carrots and oatmeal, which I’ve been living on for the past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 4

By Justaspergers - 15/07/2018 13:43 - United States - Houston

Today, despite the fact that I've done nothing to give her any reason to mistrust me, my sister-in-law still doesn't like my nephew to be left alone with me, even if she's in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 3

By happybdaytome - 15/07/2018 14:36 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, it's my 30th birthday. I checked the phone messages expecting birthday wishes. Instead, I find, "Hey, honey, it's your wife Mary." After a lot of angry questions, my husband admitted he was talking to her because I've miscarried 7 times and he wants more kids. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 6

By "AngryKitten" - 15/07/2018 18:40

Today, I woke up and stabbed myself in the eye with my nail. I was freaking out, but could still see and I had to pee so I went to the bathroom. Next thing I know I woke up on the bathroom floor with my pants around my ankles smelling like urine with a black eye, hurt head, and a chipped tooth. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 11

By Scorpion894 - 15/07/2018 16:58

Today, my dad instituted a policy that if I want to hang out with anyone; friends, girlfriend, etc. I must give him a 12 hour notice, otherwise I am not able to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 6

By "bpickett18" - 15/07/2018 16:57

Today, while riding in the car with some friends, I sneezed so hard that I accidentally crapped myself. My "friends" kicked me out if the car and drive off before I could grab my phone. I don't know where I am or how to get home, nor do I have any way to get new clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 21

By "VeryAnnoyed481549" - 15/07/2018 15:37

Today I was throwing a baseball with my brother and cousin and when my brother missed one he ran up to me and hit me in the face with the bat he broke my nose and my front right tooth. Yet I got blamed for being 'unfair'. Tomorrow is my sister's wedding and she said to avoid pictures with her... FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 2

By travelexpert - 15/07/2018 10:52

Today, while being extremely hyped for my trip to South America which starts tomorrow, I decided to print the flight tickets. While printing I noticed my flight from Europe to Peru goes today and not on Monday. I had to book a last minute flight, which alone costs half of my planned travel budget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 62

By Anonymous - 15/07/2018 01:49

Today, I have an aunt that stole $18,000 from me and I need to press charges to get my money back! Asking for it back was weak. And thanks to her? I was left broke, homeless and in debt. Had to move back in with the parents. The last thing I wanted since I had roommates who screwed me over as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 8

By but why - 14/07/2018 10:20 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I decided to try my hand at making bread. Apparently, I fucked up at some point, because when I checked the dough in the morning, it rose so much that it exploded ALL OVER the fridge. I have 20 minutes to clean this up before my mom wakes up. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 11

By ottomobile - 14/07/2018 09:02

Today, I decided to eat day-old leftovers for dinner instead of going out. Now, I've just pooped myself after vomiting so hard it caused my bowels to release. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 12

By "Badabim" - 14/07/2018 09:09 - Finland

Today my knee, which I injured in the army, stopped carrying weight properly at work. I bit my teeth through the day and luckily got a ride home. At the bottom of my apartment block I found out my electric home key's battery had died. The maintenance guy took an hour to come. It was raining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 6

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The Top

Today, my crush was walking up to me and I put my earphones in, playing hard to get. When I heard him say something about a date I take an earphone out and say, "Oh, I didn't see you there!" His response, "They're not connected to anything," holds up the end of my earphones and walks away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 385

You deserved it 132 039

Today, a gorgeous girl was making eyes at me in a cafe, and she actually came and said hi to me. Before I could say hi back, my brother said to her, “Stop making eyes at my boyfriend you slut.” She left upset and I wanted to murder him. He thought it was the best prank ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 117

Today, I woke up to my mom washing the dishes completely naked. Sadly, I was more surprised by the fact she was doing the dishes than the fact that that she was strutting about in her birthday suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 561

You deserved it 3 174

Today, as I wandered through the streets of an unfamiliar city, I spotted a cop and darted across the street to ask for assistance. He kindly gave me directions as he wrote me out a citation for jaywalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 159

You deserved it 10 180

Today, someone told me they liked my personality when I'm drunk. I asked, "What about when I'm sober?". "No, only when you're drinking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 913

You deserved it 3 816

Today, I had no idea my girlfriend had such a poor sense of humour until I pranked her by hiding a plastic spider in the kitchen, and she broke up with me and asked me to move out. She’s not even arachnophobic, so I don’t get her extreme reaction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 1 032