Nearly FMLs

By glue - 05/09/2018 23:18

Today, I learned that just because you’ve been working on increasing your pain tolerance every day for a decade straight, that does not mean you will not scream like a little girl when you lightly bump your hand on a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 31

By MrsNoSex - 05/09/2018 16:12

Today, Recently I started seeing the perfect man. He always shows me he cares, we have the same interests, he truly loves me and we never argue. There’s just one tiny little flaw. He suffers from both erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. I am a nymphomaniac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 17

By bad ex-perience - 05/09/2018 14:13

Today, I was sweeping through tinder, only to find my ex... this wouldn't have really bothered me except for the fact that his cover photo was of him in the tux my mother hand made him the night he took me to our first dance at a masquerade ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 12

By mandymoo78 - 05/09/2018 04:27

Today I’ve been feeling great! I’m eating healthier, working out, and genuinely happy. I get on the scale to check my progress; I’ve gained 10 pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 5

By Emperor Abusir - 05/09/2018 04:12

Today, my sister's boyfriend was causing a scene as they quarrel in our yard. I went out to shut him up, he called me an S.O.B and to butt out. Pissed off, I gave him a hay-maker square in the face. He later came back bawling with the authorities calling child abuse. They bought it, yet he's 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 8

By Ozlaf - 05/09/2018 03:10

Today, I woke to find my cat pooped on my laptop, then drove an hour to work only to get fired for being 6 min late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 10

By "shelbling_7" - 05/09/2018 01:45

Today, my assistant manager warned me that I'm close to being terminated. The reason? They use a 3-point system for attendance and I have missed 3 days and missed/was late due to my husband, my kids and being sick. I have 2 1/2 points and I just started one month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 34

By Eurosandmx - 04/09/2018 19:42

Today, I drove for 3.5hours to a major city for a doctor's appointment to get a second opinion. I got stopped by cops for not having a foreign state car permit and had to pay a HUGE fine, was late for my appointment and then realized I had forgotten my MRIs to be able to confirm my diagnosis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 14

By Bedspoiler - 04/09/2018 19:08

Today, I spent all day cleaning my house and especially my room. After dinner and drinks I took my date home. Things started getting a bit frisky so we decided to head to my bedroom. Somehow the door had opened while away. Using my flashlight I lit the way only to find my sister's dog crapped on my sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 3

By arrowmaker - 04/09/2018 13:00

Today, I answered a call from me soon-to-be ex-wife. She had a flat tire and the mechanic didn't know how to get the spare tire off of the vehicle. I'm pretty sure I was actually talking to her boyfriend. The third boyfriend she's had since being married to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 757

You deserved it 228

By Idontworkhere - 04/09/2018 05:09

Today, I believe with the amount of people who approach me asking where something is at Walmart like a specific shampoo that I should just work there. Guess my shirt and hat that says Pepsi isn't enough to let people know that I'm not a Walmart employee, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 03/09/2018 22:49

Today my girlfriend wanted to try sex while she was on her period. Turns out she really enjoys it and I'm glad she does, but cleaning someone elses dried blood off my dong does not top the list of my ten most fun sexual activities. It really itches when its dried FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 29

By Gamer Guy - 03/09/2018 21:26

Today, my girlfriend came out to me as a trans after 5yrs of dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 7

By Help - 03/09/2018 21:01

Today a guy at work expressed that he wanted a romantic relationship with me. He is 60, married with 3 kids, 1 of which I worked with the school we both work at. I'm not even 30 yet. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 3

By rouser - 03/09/2018 18:06

Today, I had to explain to my 15 year old daughter that her shit stinks just like everyone else’s and she needs to use air freshener. Apparently she thought flushing gets rid of the smell. It doesn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 12

By RespectmyreligionandIwillrespectyourlackofreligion - 03/09/2018 15:30

Today, my brother is threatening to yell at the pastor when my husband and I get married tomorrow. Why? Because my brother is upset that we didn't let him pick the day of my marriage and he's upset that the wedding is in a church. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 3

By Youngguy_29 - 03/09/2018 12:51

Today I was on the underground crammed into this tube train when a very attractive girl squeezed in behind me. She started feeling my ass. turned out to be a guy! The girl had moved further up the carriage! FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 9

By Magical Cow - 03/09/2018 12:24 - Slovakia

Today, after a week of not getting any sleep because of our neighbours puppy cries I asked why aren't they taking better care of him. Apparently she is allergic to dogs and he doesn't like them. They refuse to give it to somebody else. I guess I won't be getting sleep anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 2

By 25andDRY - 03/09/2018 07:50

Today, I can’t remember the last time my fiancée and I had sex. I heard him moaning in his sleep so I sternly said “No.” I thought he heard me since he was suddenly silent, but no. He was just unconsciously concentrating on working a long, nasty fart out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 65

By lifestrash - 03/09/2018 05:25

Today, my girlfriend thought I was going to rob her. When I said, "Why would I?" she said, "Why not? Everything else in my life is trash." I guess I'm trash. Yikes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 7

By Thundernutz - 03/09/2018 02:07

Today not 20 minutes after I submitted my letter of resignation I got a call from my would be employer saying there is was an employment freeze in the company and my position no longer exists. I just started school; it's my birthday and I don't know how I will pay for classes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

By "Tiana Scott" - 03/09/2018 00:37

Today, I realized I'm only with the guy I'm with now because he feeds me every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 28

By mgs - 03/09/2018 00:16

Today, I discovered the reason why my parents have been calling me chubby for years and telling me to lose weight, and it’s not because I’m fat. It’s because they didn’t want me eating their leftover fast food. I’m actually quite skinny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 6

By Roy - 02/09/2018 06:03

Today, after just getting my car back from the shop after it died on Monday, it needed to be towed again. For the same issue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 5

By notunattractive - 02/09/2018 06:00

Today, my boyfriend told me, while cuddling, that I am "just not sexy". I try to seduce him regularly, but he always turns me down. But I should feel flattered: it proves how much he loves me, since he stays with me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 454

You deserved it 356

By Anonymous - 02/09/2018 04:10

Today, I worked a 12-hour shift on my day off, a pen exploded in my pocket as I was clocking out, and when I finally got to my car where I could fart in private I pushed too hard and peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 21

By PoleMagnet - 02/09/2018 02:57

Today, it was so cold the tears in my eyes froze causing my vision to blur which in turn caused me to walk into a lamppost. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 02/09/2018 00:03

Today, I've been in bed all day sick with a high fever and sore throat. My husband expects me to get up and cook for everyone, but not breathe to the food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 4

By mute - 01/09/2018 21:20

Today, I decided to spring clean the house. First stripped the bed to wash all the bedding. Showered and couldn't find my phone after half an hour. Found it! When transferring the sheets from the washer to the dryer. It fell off the nightstand into the laundry pile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 17

By Sadmom - 01/09/2018 19:02

Today, we took our kids on a surprise end of summer trip. It was going great until my husband, who was the last to shower, informed me of the broken crack pipe in the bathroom. So much for a non-smoking room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, while walking barefoot through my house, I saw something shine on the floor across the hallway. Curious as to what it was, I rubbed my foot across the carpet to feel it. It wasn't until it was deeply lodged in my foot did I realize it was an open safety pin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 680

You deserved it 40 890

Today, my fiancé and I were having sex in the early hours of the morning. He said, "Morning sex is the best thing to wake up to." Without thinking, I responded, "Yeah, unless you're in prison." He lost his erection due to laughing so hard and now can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 018

You deserved it 13 511

Today, at lunch, I told a bunch of people how I had been in love with this guy since freshman year. I made a bunch of jokes about how I was going to marry him and our kids would be so attractive. He was at the table next to mine and looked back at me as soon as I finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 167

You deserved it 18 380

Today, my 15 year-old daughter has been with her boyfriend for about a year. I really wish they would break up. Not for the typical father reasons. My daughter is just like her mother, my ex. She’s clinically depressed and hides it well. He’ll be miserable just like I was. The breakup would be for him not her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 203

You deserved it 394

Today, my bitchy co-worker decided that being given a compliment on her shoes is sexual harassment, and worthy of reporting me to our boss over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 470

You deserved it 3 559

Today, my brother lost his flat and is sleeping on our sofa. He’s also unemployed so my husband is getting increasingly angry at him freeloading. To make it up to him, I made his favourite pudding, Angel Delight. He just walked in and caught my brother eating it right out of the fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 264

You deserved it 503