The Top

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Jammed

By stinky car - 16/08/2013 03:18 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I went on a new medicine. One of the listed side-effects was "anal seepage" and I spent the better part of the day laughing with my coworkers about how it's "not a real side-effect". I found out that it really is while stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 059

You deserved it 10 463

By Anonymous - 14/08/2013 19:47 - United States

Today, a guest of the private beach club I work at asked if I could do something about the water temperature in the ocean. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. She was serious and complained to my boss, saying I was absolutely no help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 736

You deserved it 2 988

By 20 - 31/12/2009 00:28 - Australia

Today, after buying over $300 worth of food and alcohol, I found out all my friends aren't coming to my New Years party but headed to the BIG party at the local club. The one which I sold my ticket to after my friends convinced me to throw a party instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 111

You deserved it 3 128

By Anonymous - 18/01/2017 09:02

Today, I realized that I hadn't heard anything about my upcoming class reunion. Turns out it was an invite via Facebook that I didn't receive because most of my classmates are on my block list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 326

You deserved it 7 870

By omgdesdes - 16/11/2014 01:29 - United States - Casselberry

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, he triumphantly flung the condom to the ceiling, only to have it come down and smack me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 764

You deserved it 6 029

Little demon

By Hackmanjones - 13/06/2009 14:42 - Canada

Today, I was volunteering at a zoo event for special needs kids. My job was to dress up in a kangaroo costume and greet the kids. One kid came up and said, "You're not real!" and kicked me in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 446

You deserved it 4 818

Vindictive

By jkass - 07/10/2011 15:07 - Australia

Today, I was pulled over by the police. The cop was my ex-boyfriend. He had no legitimate reason to pull me over, so he thoroughly checked my car. He gave me a defect notice and a fine. What for? A broken door lock, on my rear passenger door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 437

You deserved it 4 502

By Anonycock - 06/01/2016 17:15 - Qatar - Doha

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 850

You deserved it 3 916

By Anonymous - 08/11/2014 20:36 - United States - Deland

Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 987

You deserved it 38 849

Grease is the word

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was Rizzo in a production of Grease. I sang a line about needing a ring. I've been able to put up my left ring finger for every rehearsal, but today I put up the one next to it. I flipped off the audience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 831

You deserved it 24 639

By aineroo - 05/11/2014 21:25 - Ireland - Galway

Today, I managed to convince my sister that when you press down the diet button on the lid of a McDonald's cup it turns whatever is in there diet. I pressed the button and she started shouting how she hates diet drinks. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 662

You deserved it 3 927

By Anonymous - 07/12/2010 06:23 - United States

Today, I spent hours voluntarily decorating my town for Christmas. After a break, I came back to find someone had re-positioned the wooden reindeer to make it look like they were humping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 492

You deserved it 8 621

By father of the year - 01/08/2013 06:21 - United States

Today, my 18-year-old daughter texted me and told me that she got in a car crash. She texted, "I forgot wich way wus left lol" and then quickly added "yolo right? Lol". FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 501

You deserved it 11 879

Found it

By Anonymous - 01/02/2022 20:01

Today, my boyfriend was about to go down on me as foreplay before losing his virginity and he actually poked my clitoris and said, "What’s this thing?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 853

You deserved it 451

Nepo baby

By sickofit - 31/12/2015 08:24 - United States - Charlotte

Today, at work, our boss's son came in to help. The whole time he was there he sat in the back on his phone not helping and whenever we asked him to do something, he had an attitude. The only time he voluntarily got up to help was when his dad came in to check on the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 731

You deserved it 1 454

By chrisbravo - 23/08/2012 06:54 - United States

Today, I had a hard time taking a dump. Before flushing, I noticed two pennies and a dime incrusted in my turd. It seems that yesterday, while drunk, I swallowed some change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 052

You deserved it 32 303

chrisbravo tells us more.

chrisbravo 4

Friday 24 August 2012 3:35

OP replies: It was a hell of a night. It "changed" my life.

Are you ready to ruuuuuumbbbbbble?

By Mr.Incognito-san - 19/11/2020 02:02

Today, I heard my sisters fighting downstairs, so I went down to see what all the commotion was about. As I entered the room, one of them picked me up and threw me at the other one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 1 265

WTF Mom?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, my mom got drunk and told me that the man I have called dad for the past 27 years isn't my real father. Oh and don't say anything to him about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 703

You deserved it 422

By Catholicguy - 20/12/2009 08:14 - United States

Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 346

You deserved it 4 558

Weak

By Heavybreather - 13/02/2017 12:00 - United States - Athens

Today, after climbing 5 flights of stairs I walked into the restroom to take a piss. I was winded but trying to keep my heavy breathing to a minimum. My plan failed when I almost fainted inbetween two guys at the urinal and started gasping for air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 887

You deserved it 1 140

Congratulations…?

By beka - 07/01/2019 12:00

Today, after our housing offer was accepted, I told my parents. The only response was, “That’s a much nicer house than I had when I got married, I hope you can afford furniture.” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 222

You deserved it 279

By Anonymous - 13/08/2012 18:48 - United Kingdom - Goole

Today, I was feeling really down, so I texted my boyfriend, hoping to get some emotional support. He texted me back twenty minutes later, asking for nude pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 090

You deserved it 5 226

By the fish - 30/01/2019 04:00

Today, I started this show and was really confused what was happening until I realized I accidentally started from the last episode so I basically ruined the whole show for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 1 345

Genius

By Huh??? - 23/02/2022 14:00

Today, my girlfriend was in a pissy mood because she said none of her friends have been texting to check on her lately since she changed her number. I asked if she gave the new number out. She said that no, she wanted to see who cared enough to call and ask for her new number. She doesn’t get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 229

**** McGee

By BoobiePain - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Saint John

Today, I got stitches in my breast. I never knew how much they jiggled until every bump on the road made my breast feel like it was on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 265

You deserved it 3 094

Finals

By Gassy - 14/12/2009 22:24 - United States

Today, I was studying for one of my finals that I had later in the week but decided to take a break and play around with my boyfriend in bed for a couple hours. We decided to 69 for the first time, and everything was going great until out of nowhere, I loudly farted in his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 374

You deserved it 10 950

By WishIWasADogMinder - 10/12/2015 10:47 - Australia

Today, while making less than minimum wage at McDonalds, I had to dispose of a grown man's soiled underwear that he left on the bathroom floor under a pile of toilet paper. It isn't even the grossest thing I've seen in my six months of employment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 894

You deserved it 2 530

By Penkkis - 13/09/2011 06:11 - Finland

Today, I was so lonely, I tried to hold hands with plastic "horror hand" I bought for Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 609

You deserved it 9 090

By Mike - 28/02/2019 02:00

Today, my teenage daughter got her driver’s license. Less than an hour later she wrecked my wife’s new minivan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 279

You deserved it 535

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, the creepy girl in my history class told me that she once spent a whole period doing nothing but counting the freckles on the right side of my face, and that I have more than she's ever seen before on anyone else combined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 989

You deserved it 3 354

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The Top

Today, my constant bragging to friends caught up with me, and everyone believes I'm a swinger. Because of this, no girl wants to go out with me, in case they become just another notch under my belt. The truth is, I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 954

You deserved it 99 391

Today, my doctor told me that I suffer from orgasm migraines. Basically, I get an intense migraine that lasts for hours after I have an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 000

You deserved it 4 593

Today, my husband came clean to having an affair with my sister. I later found out my other sister encouraged the affair because she thought they'd be a cute couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 816

You deserved it 4 423

Today, while at the movies, I started making my way to the end of the row so I could pee. Others moved to make room except for a man at the end. As I tried to climb over him, I tripped and fell on top of him. When I told him I was sorry, he just smiled and said, "Mmm, don't be. I enjoyed it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 109

You deserved it 800

Today, my boss gave me a verbal warning. My crime? Calling people "Hon'", "Darlin'", and the like. I work at a Texas diner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 074

You deserved it 5 954

Today, I discovered that every time my period ends, I queef loudly and uncontrollably. I’m literally too embarrassed to see a doctor about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 783

You deserved it 368