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Bridezilla vs. the Coronavirus

By Unreasonable - 23/03/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, I received a threatening DM from my so-called best friend, telling me that she wouldn't be calling off her wedding next week, despite everyone telling her to postpone due for health and safety reasons, and would claw my eyes out if I stayed in quarantine with my sick mum instead of coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 296

You deserved it 169

By What a happy day - 14/01/2013 17:36 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, both my brother and sister missed my wedding. She was playing in a Call of Duty tournament, and he got so high that he forgot about the wedding completely. He was my best man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 595

You deserved it 3 784

By bobby - 14/03/2010 03:17 - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend thinks I'm too high maintenance because I have a chronic illness which requires frequent hospitalization. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 799

You deserved it 3 533

RIP

By Anonymous - 07/04/2011 07:11 - United Kingdom

Today, it was sunny and bright so I woke up feeling great. I pulled back the curtains in my room and saw my cat dead on the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 895

You deserved it 4 176

By deadhamster - 03/02/2012 18:29 - United States

Today, I woke up to one of my hamsters cannibalizing the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 464

You deserved it 5 059

Forever alone, episode 7864

By Anonymous - 01/04/2020 23:00

Today, I lied at a store when the checkout person told me the cologne I was buying was for men. I told him it was for my boyfriend. I haven't had a boyfriend in 2 years, I just wanted it to smell like one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 429

You deserved it 431

Kitchen Nightmare

By Pinsky - 30/07/2021 23:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, I walked in on my mom, my dad, Sarah, and Sarah's husband James making dinner in the kitchen. Completely naked. At 2 p.m. They weren't cooking anything to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 176

By Trainspotting - 03/04/2011 13:32 - United Kingdom

Today, Amazon didn't deliver the present I bought my mother for Mothering Sunday, so she called me an 'Ungrateful bastard.' And about half an hour ago, I cut my thumb whilst making her lunch. She said, 'You're doing this on purpose so I feel sorry for you. Well I don't.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 804

You deserved it 3 737

By loueb17 - 15/02/2009 05:57 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 5 year old boy. When I was on the phone with my mom, he called 911 and started to cry. When I got off the phone the police were at the door. It turns out that the "emergency" was that the VCR was not working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 206

You deserved it 9 746

By kblevss - 05/01/2013 09:21 - United States - Bayville

Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 823

You deserved it 5 734

Stir crazy

By Anonymous - 11/04/2020 20:00

Today, I was so bored under quarantine, I spent 2 hours on a colouring book for toddlers. I need human contact, any human, desperately, before I start talking to the walls or seeing pink elephants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 454

You deserved it 285

By hiker - 29/03/2011 19:00 - United States

Today, my dad said that if I walked home from school, a distance of 8 miles, he would give me $50. Two hours and four massive blisters later, I come home. When I asked for my money, he said "I was kidding." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 554

You deserved it 14 214

Such a rush

By Embarrassed - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was getting a spray tan and realized I didn't have a hair tie, so I used a thong instead. I lost track of time and realized I needed to go pick up my daughter. I threw on my clothes, drove to pick her up, went to the store, and went for ice cream... thong still in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 360

You deserved it 47 647

Confinement must be great

By Lisa - 24/04/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up because he won’t stop inappropriately talking to other girls on social media. We live together and have 6 months left on our apartment lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 700

You deserved it 270

By Anonymous - 17/08/2009 08:21 - United States

Today, I went into my Moms room to look for a t-shirt. I went into her drawer and behind all of her clothes was a cell phone. Not only did I not find the t-shirt, I also found out my Mom is cheating on my Dad with someone from work and now I have to pretend like I don't know. I work there too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 977

You deserved it 5 582

By Anonymous - 20/03/2011 03:30 - United States

Today, I got my first kiss. He had an allergic reaction to my chapstick, and broke out in hives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 051

You deserved it 5 105

By Saradee - 24/12/2012 04:55 - United States - Inglewood

Today, my boyfriend ended sex by yelling, "THIS IS SPARTA!" and using his foot to push me off the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 235

You deserved it 10 976

By thefifthdoctor - 10/12/2013 06:04 - United States - Seattle

Today, I had to listen to fellow classmates whine about selling one of their many houses, while I can barely afford to pay for a $100 textbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 890

You deserved it 3 471

By twingirl - 14/08/2009 21:57 - United States

Today, my grandma went to get birthday gifts for my twin sister and me. She returned with 2 shirts that read "I see you've met the twins" in big letters across the chest. She gave them to us and said, "Isn't this cute? 'cause you're twins!" I then had to explain to her what the shirt was actually referring to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 848

You deserved it 4 167

Confusion is Sex

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 18:01

Today, I was giving my wife a massage. That led to some very intense and passionate love making, and she told me that has been the best sex we’ve had. Next thing I know, she's upset and yelling at me about how massages always lead to sex. She was asking for it. Literally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 949

You deserved it 184

By Anonymous - 21/12/2012 04:05 - United States - Springfield

Today, in the "end-of-the-world" spirit, I asked my boyfriend to marry me. His response was, "It's really windy out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 035

You deserved it 29 333

That old switcheroo

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is a Mormon, when his mother greeted me saying how happy she was her son had found himself a Mormon girlfriend. I know nothing about Mormonism, except from what I've seen on South Park, and I'm an atheist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 597

You deserved it 6 554

Getting the point across

By Anonymous - 05/05/2020 02:00

Today, I was discharged from hospital and I took a cab home. The driver drove really fast and made sharp turns that made me feel nauseous. As I opened my mouth to tell him to slow down, I threw up all over the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 696

You deserved it 136

Out of my league

By Bibel_Boy_1993 - 18/11/2022 15:00 - Israel

Today, an attractive woman on a bus told my girlfriend I was good looking and that she was a lucky woman. She immediately took me home, shagged me vigorously, cried, and then broke up with me because, “It’s not you, it’s me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 324

You deserved it 199

By thanksforthat - 10/08/2009 19:05 - United States

Today, after selling their car, my parents decided to inform me that my car (that I paid for myself) is now going to be the "Family Car". They also informed me that since it is, after all, my car, I'll still have to pay for the gas and maintenance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 923

You deserved it 4 739

By OuchImAMoron - 29/11/2013 02:05 - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 465

You deserved it 46 748

By nevasurprised - 10/01/2012 14:50 - Germany

Today, I fell asleep in class. I'm the teacher; I've already given students detention for falling asleep in class this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 854

You deserved it 42 864

By Traumatized - 05/03/2011 19:57 - Israel

Today, my coworker returned the camera I lent her. After plugging the camera into my PC, I saw a file was still on it. Wanting to make sure I didn't delete something important, I opened it. To my horror, it was a video of my coworker pleasuring herself. She's old enough to be my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 193

You deserved it 6 096

By whyme_ss - 23/02/2010 22:10 - United States

Today, I got into my boyfriend's car having to pee really badly. I accidentally peed everywhere. He kicked me out. I had to walk four miles home in 20 degree weather. In wet clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 160

You deserved it 45 341

By heymacie - 29/04/2016 01:41 - United States - Beckley

Today, it was my second day at my new job as a bank teller. I got locked in the vault while alarms were being tested. I was in there for an hour and none of my coworkers had even noticed that I'd gone missing. Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 165

You deserved it 1 179

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while taking a shower, a spider fell from the ceiling onto my foot. I took down my shower head to wash it down the drain, and in the process, got soap in my eye and rammed my head into the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 674

You deserved it 8 348

Today, I realized I've become a stereotypical militant vegan when I told a friend that we should start raising Lone Star ticks and dropping them around town so we could spread meat allergies and force people to eat vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 1 386

Today, I started a new job at a glass shop and my boss asked me to vacuum. I ended up tipping over and shattering the most expensive bong in the shop, which retailed at $3,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 211

You deserved it 1 076

Today, I was told to stop processing certain transactions at work because I'd tried to make rich people follow the same tax rules that we force poor people to follow to the letter. I'm guessing it won't be too long till I'm fired and blacklisted from this career I've had ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 164

You deserved it 259

Today, I went to a zoo that had a gorilla in a cage. I walked up, and the gorilla stopped what he was doing, looked me in the eyes, and started jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 330

You deserved it 10 574

Crushed it! (The bag of groceries, of course.)

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 230