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By Anonymous - 23/06/2012 14:59 - Ireland - Cork

Today, as a romantic gesture, my boyfriend gifted me an origami vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 712

You deserved it 4 721

Pranked real good

By kekumbas - 05/05/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, 5 hours into my shift in a cafe I realized there were two stickers on my back that read: "Don't touch my no-no square" and "I wear diapers." I make food with my back to customers all day and I walk through the seating area delivering food. No one said anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 717

You deserved it 3 867

By Anonymous - 19/06/2012 03:33 - United States

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 464

You deserved it 4 641

By TooShort - 03/05/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, I walked into a restaurant with my parents to celebrate my Mom's birthday. They immediately got a kid's menu and crayons out for me. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 399

You deserved it 8 616

By Anonymous - 08/08/2011 14:29 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend told me about this guy who makes balloon animals with his penis. My boyfriend has spent the last 4 hours trying to make his penis look like a pretzel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 749

You deserved it 4 484

Mud bogging

By Anonymous - 03/04/2022 14:00

Today, my new boyfriend told me he was having a “swamp day”. Apparently, it’s a day where for some reason, no matter how thoroughly he wipes his ass, he will need to wipe it again every 30 minutes, as shit continually leaks out of him and turns his ass crack “swampy.” I think I threw up a little. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 574

You deserved it 165

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 767

You deserved it 2 536

By ahddib - 14/10/2010 02:13 - United States

Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 240

You deserved it 10 380

By Rosie - 13/06/2012 16:07 - Germany - Wesel

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 415

You deserved it 5 256

By sleekRelease - 11/06/2019 04:00

Today, I was expecting an important delivery for a party I'm having tonight. I was in the shower when the doorbell rang. In my haste, I slipped and ended up with a bunch of little cuts and bruises. Turns out, it was someone trying to leave a note saying it would be delivered tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 195

By david - 28/04/2009 14:08 - United States

Today, I decided to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work. I was also eating french fries during the drive. I had never realized how much a cigarette feels like a french fry. In conclusion, cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 160

You deserved it 111 394

By silentbutdeadly - 27/04/2009 22:04 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 003

You deserved it 77 642

Alexa, play "People = Shit" by Slipknot

By Faktafem - 19/06/2019 23:55

Today, I went to use one of the toilets at work, where once again someone had not flushed their poo. I work at an institute for higher education, and this happens on a weekly basis, even during the summer when no students are around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 673

You deserved it 118

By Phobic_fml - 28/06/2019 22:22

Today, I saw the engagement announcement for the girl I've been in love with for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 528

You deserved it 897

By Anonymous - 04/10/2010 11:22 - Australia

Today, I missed my history exam because they'd changed the day. Apparently they sent out an email to let everyone know. Too bad I'd banned myself from the internet in order to study for the exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 749

You deserved it 9 995

You coming?

By snotface - 23/04/2009 19:47 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. She started panting harder and going, "AH, AH, AH..." and I thought she was about to come. Next thing I know, there's snot splattered all over my face and neck. Turns out it was a sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 848

You deserved it 8 875

Road trip

By kanepie - 05/07/2019 04:03

Today, we were driving home from NYC to Knoxville after our flight got cancelled, and we had to drive with 3 strangers for 13 hours. We are now stuck in Who-Knows-Where, Virginia, with two blown tires, because a metal plate fell off an 18-wheeler in front of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 831

You deserved it 150

Misunderstood

By Lonely - 24/07/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, I went out for coffee with my sister and my crush. I spent the majority of the date flirting with my crush, and when he dropped us off at home, I told him I had fun on our date. He looked at me surprised and said he'd thought I'd tagged along on his date with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 610

You deserved it 9 479

By Anonymous - 22/04/2009 15:26 - Australia

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend saying she needed more phone credit, so I bought her more and got another message saying "Great, now I have enough credit for this..." as she spelled out a three page message breaking up with me. Yes, I paid for her to break up with me via text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 882

You deserved it 8 160

By Anonymous - 21/04/2009 21:52 - United States

Today, I was at my senior dance dancing with this guy I really like. He was telling me how he likes a strong woman who's not afraid to make the first move. Empowered by what he said, I asked him out. He said no because he thinks girls shouldn't ask guys out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 092

You deserved it 5 099

By Anonymous - 12/07/2019 00:01 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, yet again, I got into an argument with my dad. I have a PhD in the subject. But he's "entitled to his opinion", for, as he said, he's read a summary of the history of the country in a tourist guidebook, and the general view doesn't have to be based on more detailed information. He also corrects me when I speak the language, which he doesn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 926

You deserved it 195

Hell no!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my ex-wife, whom I divorced just 8 months ago, asked me to attend her wedding, because "it would mean a lot" to her. She's marrying the man she cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 790

You deserved it 3 395

Pokéman gone

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 08:01

Today, I thought a cute and well-dressed guy, with a mask matching his shoes, was taking a picture of me. Flattered, I approached him. Turns out, he was playing Pokémon Go and was just trying to catch a “Geodude.” He also blurted out that he was gay. He's into dudes and Geodudes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 635

Leaking

By noname - 22/09/2010 05:37 - Canada

Today, I discovered that if I put my ankles on my boyfriend's shoulders while we are having sex, I will pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 592

You deserved it 13 826

Caught in 4K

By Safe - 17/04/2009 23:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left her phone on a bus. With no way to pick it up, I drove 40 miles through Friday night Boston traffic to get it from the bus company office. It took me four hours. Bored in traffic, I discovered the texts from her other boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 750

You deserved it 5 039

By kdgirl - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my grandmother gave me rosary beads for my birthday. She told me I'd better start praying for a husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 881

You deserved it 3 230

Observation

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 05:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 803

You deserved it 8 010

By yellow_sunflowers101 - 16/04/2009 16:53 - United States

Today, my family and I ran into an older man my parents knew. He continually asked me questions like do you play football, have you started shaving yet, etc. I thought he was joking. He told my parents I had grown into quite a young man. I am a girl and he wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 539

You deserved it 4 897

By Alex - 20/06/2014 22:05 - United Kingdom - Greenford

Today, my dad told me that I was conceived while he and my mother were high on LSD. He then stared into the distance, mumbled "Probably explains a few things" and chuckled to himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 469

You deserved it 4 169

Cruising

By notpreggers - 15/04/2009 20:14

Today, I was wearing a new $500 dress on a crowded train. I looked great and I could feel the eyes on me. A cute guy then offered me his seat, only boosting my confidence more until he said "for you and the baby," pointing at a bump in my dress. I'm not pregnant and wasted $500. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 946

You deserved it 28 860

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The Top

Even if you cut a few branches...

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 145

Today, I picked up a warm blanket that just came out of the dryer. Despite wearing pants, the static electricity from the blanket delivered a shock straight to my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 232

You deserved it 4 240

Today, I decided to ask my girlfriend of 3 years to marry me. I made brownies with walnuts and put an engagement ring into the brownie I gave her. Not only did she choke on the ring, but on the way to the emergency room, I find out she is highly allergic to walnuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 259

You deserved it 82 653

Today, it was my 19th birthday. My boss let me out early to celebrate. On my way home I was hit by a man doing 65 in a 40mph stretch of road. My car was completely destroyed. I spent the rest of my birthday sitting in the ER being treated for a pinched shoulder nerve and whiplash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 932

You deserved it 2 556

Today, after many hours studying a complete course of Spanish, I felt really good. I had accomplished something, something I could really use next week when I fly to Mexico on vacation. Then I found out what I had learned was Spanish as they speak it in Spain, not how they speak it in Latin America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 1 185

Today, I realized that I'm the only person in my house not getting any. My sister is sleeping with my ex. My roommate is sleeping with my brother, and my mom texted me, asking to make it look like she slept in her bed so that she didn't have to do the "walk of shame" in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 537

You deserved it 2 927