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By Anonymous - 09/10/2014 22:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got roped into a volunteering thing at the last minute. I was waiting outside with all these kids who looked hungry. Feeling bad, I passed around crisps and cookies. Turns out we were at a convention to promote healthy eating in malnourished children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 620

You deserved it 6 138

Every day I'm hustlin'

By Allen - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I brought home a vase, which I was proud of, that I made for my mother in my pottery class. My mother took one look at it and said, "Oh good, you can sell that in our garage sale." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 376

You deserved it 3 265

By Goblin Girl - 01/08/2012 05:46 - United States - Katy

Today, a coworker informed me that she thinks I may be descended from a race of goblins, because of my squat stature, ugly face and hairy arms. She was being completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 507

You deserved it 2 281

By Disappointed - 04/10/2014 03:08

Today, my teenage daughter asked me to buy her the morning after pill, saying, "It's for my acne." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 817

You deserved it 5 132

What have you done this time?

By rockefoe - 15/11/2010 20:49 - United States

Today, I realized the only times my boyfriend ever says, "I love you" are after he screws up or when he wants a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 675

You deserved it 6 731

Bad omen

By CastAway - 24/05/2009 00:16 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I went down to the pier. I brought an empty bottle and some paper, and we both constructed a massive letter expressing our passionate love for each other. We stuck it in the bottle, and threw it out to sea, only to see it explode in slow motion on a protruding rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 853

You deserved it 15 247

By Anonymous - 27/07/2012 21:23 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my fiancée's OCD hit a new low when she screamed at me for flicking the light-switch off "the wrong way". This led to her flicking it on and off about a dozen times, followed by a twenty-minute lecture on how to do it "properly". We're getting married next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 162

You deserved it 9 056

Common enemy

By Hillary won 2016 - 28/05/2023 18:00

Today, my Trump-supporting father and DeSantis-supporting uncle got in a huge political argument. They eventually made up, and spent the evening mercilessly mocking their Bernie-loving relative, AKA me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 741

You deserved it 578

TMI

By Anonymous - 22/05/2009 08:18 - Australia

Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 875

You deserved it 3 847

Help!

By 2for1 - 28/03/2019 00:00 - Norway - Sandefjord

Today, after being constipated for four days post-surgery, I have gotten diarrhea. It doesn't actually help getting the hard plug out, but it has found slow passages around it, so I’m still left to my own devices. This is not the kind of gold I’d like to be digging for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 790

You deserved it 171

By Anonymous - 13/11/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, the girl that I have been trying to get with for over a year told me she was drunk and just gave her first blowjob to some guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 667

You deserved it 4 813

By Anonymous - 02/09/2011 13:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a music festival, watching one of my favorite bands. The security guys were throwing water into the crowd to cool us down. I saw some about to be thrown by another fan, so I stood with my mouth open to catch some of it. I ended up with a face full of hot piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 882

You deserved it 20 265

Think before you speak

By Takuma - 20/05/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 589

You deserved it 95 243

Tea leaf

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Lafayette

Today, I found the purse that some asshat stole from my 15-year-old sister a few days ago. I found it in my now ex-boyfriend's closet. When I confronted him, he broke up with me for "invading" his privacy and kicked me out, without the purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 766

You deserved it 4 031

You're so vain, you probably think this FML's about you

By Anonymous - 02/03/2022 04:00

Today, I was told by my wife of 19 years that all the songs about cheating that she's been playing for a year and a half should have been a good enough hint. Getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 225

You deserved it 118

By lilycollins - 16/09/2013 04:28 - Morocco - Casablanca

Today, my boyfriend diagnosed me with scoliosis. During doggystyle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 91

Lumpy

By CantBlink - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Jersey City

Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 097

You deserved it 2 790

The votes are in

By JustAnotherTina - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I got an email. It said, "Everyone hates you. We voted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 488

You deserved it 5 788

Wee woo wee woo

By Anonymous - 17/05/2009 03:13 - United States

Today, I was driving home. It was late and I wanted to get home so I started speeding. I didn't wanna get a ticket so I slowed down everytime I saw a car that could be a cop, judging by headlights. There was a car with a busted headlight so I sped up. Couldn't be a cop car. It could. $216 proof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 886

You deserved it 56 923

By crop circle galore - 06/09/2014 02:36 - United States

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 763

You deserved it 3 223

By Anonymous - 04/07/2012 16:40 - Canada - Charlottetown

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and sister fooling around in the shower together. Supposedly, she was sleepwalking, and he was trying to wake her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 767

You deserved it 3 301

Grossed out

By ChePow - 20/08/2011 18:26 - Canada

Today, a stripper came into my work to get some posters copied. She asked if she could pay in small bills. I just touched $50 that have probably rubbed up against a stripper's twat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 541

You deserved it 6 541

By yeaokay - 29/10/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I had a serious conversation with my dad about my brother and me. It started with, "I love you", and ended with,"You and your brother were mistakes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 154

You deserved it 2 844

By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 05:15 - Canada

Today, I was riding on my usual bus, when I noticed a man staring at me. I was having a really bad day, and said "Can you please stop staring at me?" He then replied with "I'm just trying to look out the window, and your head is in the way. Don't flatter yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 350

You deserved it 46 575

Brotherly love

By Foodcomesfirst - 24/11/2009 20:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I felt dizzy and light-headed. So I sat down at the top of my stairs calling my brother who was downstairs, for help because I was scared something was wrong with me. He called back "No, I'm eating." I fainted. When I woke up, I was still alone upstairs and he was still eating downstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 158

You deserved it 3 700

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 04:12 - Canada - Kingston

Today, as I was walking home, I saw an ambulance pull into my driveway with its sirens blaring. Thinking it could be for my sick father, I started frantically sprinting. I managed to trip on my pant-leg, twisting my ankle in the process. They were just turning around in my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 997

You deserved it 4 735

Check this out

By Roger Quimble - 24/05/2019 00:04

Today, after taking a refreshing shower, I found out that due to a newly-built platform, people in the apartment underneath can see right into my bedroom. While I was standing there completely naked, some guy smiled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 946

You deserved it 267

By Anonymous - 14/08/2011 20:21 - United Kingdom

Today, my religious parents were hosting a family dinner. Not only did we have to wait over an hour for my grandma to finally show up, but when she did, she had her 30 year old boytoy in tow. Apparently, "Granny has needs too you know, hahaha!" Goodbye peaceful family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 342

You deserved it 3 275

By Anonymous - 13/08/2011 19:12 - United States

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I fell asleep at the beach. My friends took the opportunity to bury me in the sand, place food all around me, and wait for a flock of hungry seagulls to attack me. To top it off, they taped it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 839

You deserved it 6 334

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 10:57 - Australia

Today, I was shaving my left armpit when I cut myself badly. I wondered whether or not it would be safe to shave my right armpit, then reasoned that it couldn’t possibly happen twice. It did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 196

You deserved it 27 976

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The Top

Today, my coworkers quietly ditched the project I spent months working on, because typing in numbers into a website "is too hard." Our boss is out, so I have no recourse. Why do I bother? These people hate numbers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 79

Today, I sent a friend request on facebook to the only person I became friends with this semester at college. He denied me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 200

You deserved it 4 377

Today, my best friend texted me and told me she broke up with her boyfriend. Trying to be supportive, I sent a long message about how he never deserved her and that I was there for her if she needed someone to vent to. She replied, "Are you high?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 065

You deserved it 1 152

Today, I was sitting on the toilet with a really bad and noisy stomach upset. Then I hear a knock on the bathroom door. My boyfriend had decided to make a surprise visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 838

You deserved it 3 173

Today, the man of my dreams who I met online and have been exchanging messages with day and night for weeks asked the dreaded question: “Can you send me a full body pic?” It’s been 5 years since I had a guy hit me up. I weigh 300 lbs and look like a potato with legs. I don’t wanna lose him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 1 120

Today, my older brother burst into my bedroom at 4 am to show me photos of sushi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 801

You deserved it 3 226