The Top

OP here. I didn’t actually install a pool. I was running a bath and my baby started screaming, so I went to soothe him and forgot about the bath. I need to replace the floors all through my house!

Manipulation

By Anonymous - 09/12/2021 17:01

Today, I found books on the Catholicism in my son's room. Switching faiths can be a big deal, so I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about. Turns out he was just doing research to aid his goal of seducing and screwing the hot Catholic girl in his university class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 413

By lateralligator - 12/12/2014 16:35 - Canada - Whitchurch-stouffville

Today, I took out my old hairdryer and turned it on. I then gave my roommate a show as I ran out of the bathroom, naked and screaming, after a spider was blasted out of the hairdryer and directly at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 012

You deserved it 4 614

Nice try

By spitballer1 - 06/07/2009 16:54 - United States

Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for my girlfriend and me. I tried the move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. When I tried it, the spagetti went too down far my throat, and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 225

You deserved it 29 115

Strange flex, but OK

By Jpah - 24/06/2009 00:08 - United States

Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 944

You deserved it 3 920

Let it out

By Anonymous - 05/10/2020 14:02

Today, I know it’s pathetic to cry after sex, so you can imagine how pathetic I feel when I cry after masturbating, because cleaning my vibrator afterwards just reminds me how long it’s been since I had a man, and how lonely I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 1 563

Cucked

By Anonymous - 21/12/2021 20:01

Today, my wife confessed to me that she used to sext her old coworker, and almost had sex with him. The bad part is that it turned me on. Should I encourage her? FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 1 167

By justsomesummer - 26/01/2016 18:09 - United States - Beaverton

Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 940

You deserved it 1 669

Jammed

By me - 05/01/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 491

You deserved it 3 776

By Anonymous - 25/11/2018 13:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I had a job interview. I got there as quick as I could, having to travel two hours into a city I'd never been to. When I arrived, they told me I was turned down for being too late. They'd rescheduled the interview an hour earlier and I wasn't notified of the change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 707

You deserved it 208

By ismerf19 - 22/12/2010 00:05

Today, I was working in a restaurant. On the receipt under "tip" someone actually took the time to write out "$0.00." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 465

You deserved it 7 380

Denied

By screwed - 04/01/2010 05:29 - United States

Today, I was rejected for an internship due to a "lack of experience." I have both an MA and a BA from a highly prestigious school and years of work experience. My would-be superior: a 24 year-old without a graduate degree and only one year of work experience. She wore jeans to the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 412

You deserved it 3 673

By leosmom - 25/11/2018 03:00

Today, I used a glue stick instead of my Carmex lip balm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 985

You deserved it 1 280

By Baby Face - 16/01/2017 15:03

Today, I was at work refreshing the shelves when a man turned the corner and said, very surprised, "You look 12!" A few weeks back, two people did the same thing, only they said I looked 9. I'm almost 21 years old, and just very short. Starting to get just a little self conscious here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 660

You deserved it 496

By pipers - 02/05/2019 10:00 - United States - Northfield

Today, I spent several hundred dollars having our pipes and septic system fixed. Tonight, I watched my husband pour about a half-liter of bacon grease into the sink. Better keep the septic guy on speed dial. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 106

You deserved it 277

By WaxOnWaxOff - 06/09/2012 21:50 - United States - Denver

Today, I realized that my boyfriend really does have a problem with my upper-lip hair. I woke up this morning to him ripping a wax strip off of my face. All he could say after I stopped shrieking was that he had hoped it wouldn't wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 480

You deserved it 9 688

By ksamp - 12/10/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, the man I love still thinks that female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 341

You deserved it 6 296

By gummy - 03/05/2019 16:00

Today, despite asking her to stop countless times, my stepmom still barges into my room explosively and without warning. I faint when startled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 191

You deserved it 186

Elephants

By FML Videos - 26/11/2018 00:00

Just kidding!

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 85

Sex ed

By Anonymous - 14/01/2022 05:01

Today, despite warning her multiple times, my daughter has gone and got herself pregnant by an idiot who has never held a job for more than 3 months, and once confidently told me the moon landing was a conspiracy. And yes, he scarpered the second he found out she was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 401

You deserved it 223

Nearly Halloween

By boo - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Gainesville

Today, I'm old enough to be looking at houses to buy, but not old enough to get past the idea that they might be affordable because they're haunted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 832

You deserved it 6 412

By Laura - 08/10/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, I found out the people I babysit for have a nanny cam. Problem is, when I'm there, I act out scenarios in which I have the sweetest boyfriend. I also say his parts out loud in a man's voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 344

You deserved it 45 356

Acceptance

By knzknz - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was asked if my bellybutton was an 'innie' or an 'outtie.' My bellybutton has been hidden by fat for so long that I couldn't remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 942

You deserved it 42 293

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, while on a road trip with my friends, we stopped at a gas station to fill up. While I was pumping gas, a gust of wind blew my hat off and it landed in a puddle of gasoline. When I picked it up, my hands were covered in gasoline, so I smelled like a gas station for the rest of the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 226

Today, after religiously eating healthy, getting good sleep, and trying to keep my stress level low, I'm stuck in bed with aches, fever, sore throat, the shits and throwing up. My wedding is in 2 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 003

You deserved it 243

Today, we're finally at an age where my wife will try to negotiate how old she has to admit to being. It’s ridiculous. At her last doctor's appointment, she was asked her age, she’s 52 but claimed to be only 40, and I had to argue her up to admitting to 48. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 125

Today, I was telling my sister about the stupid sorts of questions I get asked at work. She looked at me and said "I give you five years until you turn into a raging, chain-smoking corporate bitch." My mom agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 532

You deserved it 4 368

Today, I woke up to the sound of my roommate vacuuming at 7 a.m. I was annoyed because I had stayed up late, but then I realized she was vacuuming in the kitchen… at 7 a.m. because the broom "wasn't powerful enough." I gave her the benefit of the doubt until she started vacuuming my bedroom floor while I was still in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 97

Today, my toddler threw a screaming, rampaging fit, because I ate the last chocolate mousse from the fridge. Did I forget to mention said toddler is actually my 52 year old dad? FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 207

You deserved it 707