The Top

Thanks for your comments and highly original puns ! Just to clear the language issue up: "I was burgled" is correct British English (as opposed to American English) and means "Somebody broke into my house and stole things that belonged to me". "Burglarized" is the American synonym. The site said I come from Europe - I do, but it's a big place. I come from England and I live in Mayotte, a French territory in the Indian Ocean.

By lolzboss - 07/03/2011 19:04 - United States

Today, my five year old son decided to move all my stuffed animals I have around the house, into sex positions and massive orgies. What have I been teaching my son lately? FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 488

You deserved it 46 338

Fred Durst stan

By Deaf Biscuit - 26/08/2021 20:01

Today, my neighbour across the street has entered his ninth consecutive hour of playing Limp Bizkit at full blast. The only thing overriding my concern for his mental health is my sheer surprise that they have 9 hours of original music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 107

Snooping

By ks0300 - 24/02/2010 05:47 - United States

Today, while visiting my in-laws, I went into their home office in search of a sheet of scrap paper. Instead, I found printed copies of every email and IM my husband and I had ever sent each other, including pictures. Highlighted and annotated by his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 328

You deserved it 2 198

Not a sheep, just taking their medication

By Anonymous - 26/08/2021 08:01

Today, I found out that my mom was one those people who willingly takes random doses of livestock dewormer to "fight Covid" instead of getting vaccinated, when she called me from the hospital after poisoning herself with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 245

You deserved it 144

Creative new ways to be a shitgibbon

By fries - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my boyfriend announced to me he was sleeping with another girl via alphabet soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 103

You deserved it 3 927

By lydiacoolness - 08/08/2009 02:27 - New Zealand

Today, I got my annual blood test. The nurse was inexperienced and it took her several tries to insert the needle properly. When I get back home, my fiancé starts yelling at me and storms out. The reason? I am a recovering drug addict and my arm appeared as if I had been shooting up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 600

You deserved it 6 495

Spreading it around

By Anonymous - 24/05/2020 14:00

Today, I overheard my co-worker talking about how she's going to Panama City, Florida this weekend and is going to "get lit." It's the middle of the pandemic, and she's going to go party on a beach. She'll be back at work Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 726

You deserved it 289

By K Holed - 29/01/2009 17:04 - United States

Today, my parents told me that they received a letter from a prison. Being curious they opened it up and read the entire thing. It was from this girl I randomly met. Now I have a prison stalker and my parents think I date felons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 910

You deserved it 2 931

Not welcome here

By Imgonnahaveabf - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my parents got a new dog. It attacks me every time I laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 736

You deserved it 3 692

You OK, hun?

By seizuregirl17 - 19/11/2013 15:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I had a seizure in class. Being an epileptic, I had warned my professor of the possibility that I could have one in class. She was understanding and seemed very concerned about my issue at the time. After I had the seizure, however, she asked me if I had ever tried exorcism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 544

You deserved it 2 911

By Brett meek - 19/02/2010 07:41 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with a girl. While we were fooling around, she started squeezing my cheeks and told me I remind her of her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 641

You deserved it 3 648

By jack s.b. - 14/11/2013 22:15 - United States - Austin

Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I "jack off real weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 118

You deserved it 16 450

Freakout time

By cricketeer - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as my son carried the cage with live food for his pet lizards up the stairs, I heard the sound of 2,500 baby crickets escaping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 086

You deserved it 6 678

Disclosure

By ummm eww - 12/06/2020 20:05

Today, my friend and I decided to have a "special intimate" moment together at his house. As soon as I start to really get into it, he said to me, "I sort of wanna do your mom." Way to kill the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 032

You deserved it 287

Wrong question

By Anonymous - 01/08/2009 14:08 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked, "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently, I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 656

You deserved it 48 885

By Ferniferousfern - 20/08/2018 18:30

Today, I sat down to use the bathroom after a long day of work. My toilet, however, had other plans, as a spontaneous, ear shattering crack flooded the entire bathroom, soaking the outer carpet and shorting out my bathroom scale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 968

You deserved it 158

Running commentary

By lukey101 - 25/06/2020 17:02

Today, the Snapchat that I was taking of my car being washed, including my commentary like, "Oooh yeah, get into it baby," was replayed loudly through my car via Bluetooth while the workers were inside and all around washing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 2 093

By Anonymous - 21/12/2011 02:01 - United States

Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 244

You deserved it 5 865

By Stressy - 12/02/2010 11:39 - United Kingdom

Today, in my psychology class, we were given a sheet that had a list of stressful events and we were to select the ones we had experienced in the last 12 months. I got highest in my class of above an 80% chance of getting a life threatening illness due to stress. Everyone laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 444

You deserved it 3 227

By abbacjt - 16/01/2009 17:51 - United States

Today, I sent my sister a text about how fat I was becoming and looking as disgusting as my ex-husband. When I checked to see if she had received it I saw that I had accidentally sent it to my ex-father in law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 780

You deserved it 26 748

What is it now?

By Anonymous - 29/12/2022 21:00

Today, while staying at my mother’s house, she messaged me at 5:45 a.m. saying she “desperately” needed my help. I rushed over to her, only to find out she'd lied. She actually wanted me to help clean her garbage dump of a room. I’m starting to remember why I don’t visit often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 126

Shifty

By Zkroger - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend of a year denied in front of everyone that we ever dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 694

You deserved it 5 135

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, while tubing down the river, we stopped for lunch. I accidentally left my shoes on the sand when we left. I had to walk two miles through dense woods with no trail and no shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 737

You deserved it 31 805

Today, my aunt and I wanted to do something nice. So we made cookies for a local nursing home. After tasting them, nobody ate any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 76

Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, so I made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informed me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 765

You deserved it 15 990

Today, my 35 year-old sister, who has no job or life, came downstairs and told me she knows I can hear her thoughts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 80

Today, I had a restraining order put on me. I have apparently been following a woman's daughter home after she leaves track practice and parking my car outside their home. I'm a math teacher at the school and leave everyday at 4:30. I have lived across the street for the past six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 276

You deserved it 2 566

Today, I came back from a week-long vacation where I had no internet whatsoever. I turned on my phone to get notifications, hoping to see a message or two that I'd missed while gone. There was 1 notification, telling me how many FMLs were posted while I was away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 183

You deserved it 3 354