The Top

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By Anonymous - 24/02/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, the unhealthiest person I know, weighing in at around 350 pounds told me she was now a vegan. I then told her the Cheese-Itz, as well as the leather boots she was wearing wasn't vegan. She said I was wrong. I'm a nutritionist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 945

You deserved it 709

I get the hint!

By Tiredoftrying - 11/02/2019 10:00 - Australia

Today, I received my fourth rejection email from McDonald's after applying for one position with them a few weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 103

You deserved it 321

By Alex - 01/03/2019 16:00

Today, marks three weeks since I started my new dream job. It also marks the second time this week alone that I've clogged the toilet in the restroom. I'm almost 100% sure all my coworkers know it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 001

You deserved it 663

The sweet smell of…

By Anonymous - 04/03/2017 14:00

Today, my not-quite-potty-trained toddler niece had a 'wee accident' in my bed. I used towels to mop it up and changed the sheets. Later, I had the bright idea to dry it faster by turning the electric blanket on high. Now my room smells like burned urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 958

You deserved it 6 589

By shake666 - 04/12/2015 17:50 - United States - Fremont

Today, I presented my assigned chapter for a book we're currently reading in my English class. I really like the book, so I've been reading ahead. When I summarized the chapter, I accidentally spoiled a major plot twist that was actually in the next chapter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 118

You deserved it 13 137

By Makusu420 - 03/12/2015 00:44 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my dad sent me $200 by mail, only to mail it to the wrong person. So now some random person is getting $200 from my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 615

You deserved it 1 579

By richardmrcs - 08/07/2013 20:00 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Today, I got mauled by some wild animals and had to get my butt cheek stitched up. The embarrassment doesn't end there though; the animals in question were kittens. The nurses on duty laughed and the entire ward found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 136

You deserved it 7 098

By Tootsy_Roll_Pop - 23/05/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I spent the whole day seeing how many licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop: 763. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 269

You deserved it 23 290

By Anonymous - 30/03/2019 22:00

Today...I started my day with a head cold and sore throat. I am ending the day with my period and explosive diarrhea. Oh and to top it all off, I live in the midwest, where the wind chills are going to be -50 tomorrow...FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 082

You deserved it 184

Public freakout

By Anonymous - 04/06/2023 12:00

Today, at Starbucks, I was sat next to a father and son where the son told his dad he wanted to meet in a public place for his own safety, because he had to tell him he’d gotten his half-sister pregnant. It might not sound like my FML but in the fist fight that followed they smashed my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 502

You deserved it 129

By hell - 14/11/2015 21:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got called into work on my day off. I ended up being written up for being 15 minutes late to a shift I didn't even have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 920

You deserved it 1 810

By Nat - 13/09/2014 06:29 - United States - Frisco

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. We were getting into the mood so I tried to eat the popcorn kind of sexually, causing me to choke on the popcorn and throw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 532

You deserved it 18 723

By bubbashrek - 28/08/2011 04:06 - United States

Today, I realized my soon to be ex wife is stalking me online. Everytime I block her she creates a new profile. She left me 9 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 697

You deserved it 2 999

Underperforming

By ThatIsNotIt - 24/01/2021 04:02 - United Kingdom

Today, having regularly given my husband blowjobs, I suggested, mid-session, that he could maybe reciprocate. He complained that I was wet, begrudgingly licked for about a minute and then gave up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 473

You deserved it 195

Thank you for being a friend

By Anonymous - 13/05/2019 14:00

Today, it's my 21st birthday. The only person who drank with me was my elementary school principal, who I happened to run into at a bar where we were the only two people there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 970

You deserved it 206

By Anonymous - 28/08/2014 22:39 - United States - Whittier

Today, my manager made everyone put up Christmas decorations around the store. As well as this, we're going to have Christmas music playing on repeat all the way through to January. It's not even September yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 466

You deserved it 3 032

By W1D0 - 20/08/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, while riding in the car with my mother, we got into an argument, at which point she pulled the vehicle over, took the key out of the ignition and used it to turn off the passenger airbag. She then continued driving in silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 110

You deserved it 5 036

By Anonymous - 23/12/2016 19:12

Today, my sister gave me a early Christmas present. It's lice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 559

You deserved it 529

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 03:19 - United States - Topeka

Today, a guy in my class was talking about himself. He started his story with, "When I was little, I was a ginger." I replied without thinking, "Is that why you got put up for adoption?" Him being adopted was the actual story he wanted to tell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 126

You deserved it 47 102

By DietKelp - 23/10/2015 10:30 - United States

Today, at work, I was fired from my job for being too "forward" to my boss. All I did was get him coffee and a biscuit from McDonald's to celebrate his 15-year anniversary working there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 608

You deserved it 2 037

By Anonymous - 19/08/2014 21:54 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 974

You deserved it 11 834

Classic prank

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at Burger King, I had to go to the bathroom. Two ketchup packets were under the seat and exploded on my legs and pants when I sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 541

You deserved it 6 164

By Username - 14/08/2011 07:16 - United States

Today, I spent $500 buying my lost cat back from a jerk who thought it was his. I get home and my mom tells me that she'd sold it to the same guy for $10 because she thought the cat was ruining my love life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 982

You deserved it 6 439

Promotion, huh?

By megs - 10/12/2016 12:49

Today, I was promoted. After going to school for 10 months to get certified for the new position, training extensively, and taking on a ton more responsibility, I was hoping for a decent raise. How much do my bosses think all of that time and effort is worth? One dollar more per hour than I made before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 297

You deserved it 1 139

By Anonymous - 12/10/2015 09:11 - United Kingdom

Today, the canine behaviour course I am studying released a new assignment in which I need to film myself teaching a dog a new trick. The only dog I have access to is my sister's neurotic, anxious Chihuahua who bites at any sudden noise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 694

You deserved it 2 882

Why so serious?

By DwarfFrog - 18/06/2012 11:38 - United States

Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 461

You deserved it 3 397

By offended - 14/06/2012 08:11 - United States - East Hampton

Today, I was out to coffee with an extremely attractive friend. A crazy man came up to the window we were facing. He took one look at her, then turned to me with a big, congratulatory smile, flashing me a thumbs-up. Then he turned to her, frowned disappointedly and gave a thumbs-down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 560

You deserved it 2 450

By whiskey'swino - 09/06/2019 14:19

Today, while working in a dark nightclub, I dropped a red charger. Retracing my steps, I found it, or so I thought until I picked up a used tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 023

You deserved it 276

What the…

By Anonymous - 06/10/2015 04:18 - United States - Lake Oswego

Today, at my annual checkup, the doc looks down at my foot and says, "Oh, you have an extra toenail. Six, huh?" Then sort of scraping at the side of my foot below the pinky toe, he pulls off a long piece of dead, dried skin and says, "Oh." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 077

You deserved it 6 394

Debate time

By look at the fucking universe, lady - 18/05/2013 18:44 - United States - Montgomery

Today, I spent hours debating with a lady who claimed she'd spent years "studying the big bang theory." Not only did she not know the scientific meaning of the word "theory", her killer argument was "If the big bang happened, where are the fossils?" I'm not sure whether or not I just got trolled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 776

You deserved it 5 227

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The Top

Today, while in the waiting room at the dentist's, some kids were running and screaming. One of them stopped right beside me, turned to face me, and threw up in my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 544

You deserved it 2 501

Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 062

You deserved it 9 032

Today, my roommate came home and instantly began raging, cursing, and threatening to kill me. While I was cowering in my bedroom, the police had to settle the situation. All I'd done was rearrange some furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 599

You deserved it 6 356

Today, I bought a new bra and panties and modeled them for my boyfriend. I thought he liked them, until mid-way through feeling me up, he decided he'd rather give me a massive wedgie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 788

You deserved it 8 206

Today, my ex-girlfriend got really mad at me because she said all men treat her like a whore. She even got upset that she thinks that I might think of her the same way. I couldn't help but to laugh in her face, because she cheated on me with said men and the fact is that she's right. I'm sad, but It's done Sweetie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 144

Today, I broke my mirror off going to the drive-through at McDonald's. Even the cashier watching was like, "Fuck, dude." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 528

You deserved it 1 906