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By revan546 - 26/04/2013 13:23 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, while he was eating chicken, one of my friends asked me why I'm a vegetarian. I responded that I believe in animal rights and don't like the conditions the animals are forced to live in. He looked at me incredulously before explaining that "chickens aren't animals, they're birds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 515

You deserved it 9 550

revan546 tells us more.

revan546 24

Saturday 27 April 2013 4:40

Hi guys, OP here. Yeah I've been a vegetarian for a few years and my friend finally decided to call me out on it. I think i died a little inside when i heard it haha. He eventually did admit that he was wrong and we're still friends and whatnot. Common sense isn't so common nowadays though is it.

By Aprilfools - 12/04/2009 10:47 - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 5 years getting intimate with my best friend. When they saw me they immediately stopped and said nothing. After about 5 seconds of silence my boyfriend yells "April fools!" April Fools was 12 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138 137

You deserved it 7 977

About that raise…

By onlyolivia - 05/10/2016 14:43 - United States - Elkridge

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my boss why the flowers I got her for her birthday the other day were in the conference room and not her office. She told me she was allergic to them and she had such a bad reaction that it made her go home early. I made my boss sick on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 983

You deserved it 1 364

But… why?

By Fmylife - 06/07/2011 09:17 - United States

Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 267

You deserved it 121 033

That one weird kid

By Laura - 27/05/2014 15:58 - United States

Today, at school, I got seated in front of the resident creepy kid that everyone stays away from. I was pretty relieved to get through most of the class with no incidents, until the bell rang and he tore out a chunk of my hair, yelling, "DNA! DNA!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 463

You deserved it 4 146

Empathetic panic

By Anonymous - 20/05/2014 16:31 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, in the middle of my boyfriend finally giving me an orgasm, I had an anxiety attack, which caused him to have an attack of his own. I guess there is such a thing as having too much in common with your partner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 396

You deserved it 7 623

Mr Selfish

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 11:00

Today, it's the fifth time this week alone I've attempted to explain to my boyfriend that I need more than just two minutes of foreplay to get horny. He tells me he's too tired, but is apparently not too tired to receive head and then have sex afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 271

You deserved it 202

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 05:13 - United States

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 513

You deserved it 154

Unsolicited dick texts

By jaderie - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia - Sydney

Today, my mum bought a phone. Since teaching her how to text, I have received 27 messages, repeatedly saying the word "penis". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 795

You deserved it 4 814

By Anonymous - 31/03/2009 14:46 - United States

Today, I was at the doctor's office and the doctor asked me, "Have you been having any intimate relations?" and the first thing that I blurted out was, "You mean with other people?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 371

You deserved it 71 750

By laptitesouris - 31/03/2013 23:35 - France - Pertuis

Today, one of my 5-year-old son's teeth fell out, but he's quite scatterbrained and he lost it. He did however find my vibrating duck under my pillow, and is now crying because he thinks that I stole his tooth so that the tooth fairy would bring me a toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 511

You deserved it 85

Thanks for nothing

By Anonymous - 12/08/2010 04:00 - United States

Today, I asked my mother why she had me in the first place, as we never get along. She replied because my father wanted me. So, I called my father to ask him the same question, he said he only wanted to have me to keep my mother around, and that didn't work, so I was a waste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 983

You deserved it 4 554

By Rajin - 23/03/2009 20:38 - Canada

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125 865

You deserved it 16 869

By Worker - 21/10/2017 01:12 - Australia - Forrestfield

Today, the friend I recommended for a job at my workplace is getting fired for being one of the worst people they have ever hired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 343

You deserved it 857

By hairdresser - 09/03/2013 09:05 - Australia

Today, my boss told me that, while he respects the fact that I have my own style, I have to stop wearing "that hideous wig" because apparently, it "makes the clientele uncomfortable". I don't have a wig. It's my natural hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 615

You deserved it 4 056

By Maxie - 08/03/2013 01:55 - United States - Chesterland

Today, after my 5-year-old finally got over his grandmother's death, we went to a store and saw a lady that looked exactly like her. She came up to us asking if we saw her grandson; I can't get my son to stop freaking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 774

You deserved it 2 568

By Anonymous - 27/02/2013 17:36 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend where he went to lunch. He said he went to Wendy's. I teased him and asked if he got tired of eating burgers and Frosty's all the time. His response? "What? No, I mean at Wendy's. You know, the hot girl from work?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 277

You deserved it 6 585

By garrett - 14/02/2019 15:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend beat me at ping pong, twenty to three. She said I let her win because I don't respect her, then stormed out of the room. I'm just really bad at ping pong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 499

You deserved it 4 796

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 13/03/2014 09:34 - Australia

Today, my mother took me to go and see my grandfather, who I hadn't seen since I was 4. The first thing he said to me was, "Pfwoarr, look at those tits." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 499

You deserved it 6 205

By n3ov - 26/02/2013 04:33 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, I got stuck in traffic when a shootout started somewhere behind. I lowered myself and suddenly a bullet punctured a hole in the rear screen. When I managed to get away, I called my wife in a panic. She didn't pick up so I sent her a text about what just happened. Her reply: "K". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 600

You deserved it 4 467

n3ov tells us more.

n3ov 6

Wednesday 27 February 2013 18:27

Easier said than done.

My Baby Boy

By Lilahpaints - 22/10/2019 18:00

Today, twelve days after stomach surgery, I birthed a left behind, forgotten blood-stained stinky surgical swab from my vagina. I have no idea why it was there in the first place. I feel violated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 412

You deserved it 175

By cockfist - 04/03/2014 22:41 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 265

You deserved it 6 720

By Anonymous - 28/02/2014 22:26 - Russian Federation - Korol

Today, I was playing an intense game of Flappy Bird. I was so excited at being about to beat my high score that I got a hard-on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 486

You deserved it 22 548

By MochiMomoChan - 17/09/2009 09:32 - United States

Today, I found out I'm on wage garnishment because my mother, who took out a student loan for me back in '05, didn't pay off the $2015 owed when she said she would. I got screwed over financially because of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 890

You deserved it 9 395

So cute

By Anonymous - 23/02/2014 17:29 - United States - Canastota

Today, my boyfriend wanted to take our relationship to the next level. I assumed since we live together that he meant marriage. I was wrong; the next level is me jacking him off with my feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 232

You deserved it 7 630

By why me - 29/06/2016 04:41 - United States - Milford

Today, I bought a brand new Wii U. My cat must have thought the wires looked tasty because he chewed through each of them, which will now cost me another $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 404

You deserved it 1 925

By Anonymous - 20/03/2018 15:00

Today, while bagging at a grocery store, a customer had me use some canvas bags he'd brought with him. This wouldn't have been a problem had they not reeked strongly of cat piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 806

You deserved it 230

Doorman

By shit - 26/01/2014 18:20 - United States - South Holland

Today, my sister was taking forever in the bathroom, and I jokingly threatened to kick down the door. I rammed into it, and it actually bust almost off its hinges. My sister screamed and our parents came running. Now I'm grounded forever and our bathroom has no door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 124

You deserved it 46 835

Dates that matter

By mee - 19/02/2012 11:37 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend sang "Happy birthday" to my vagina. It was my birthday last month and he forgot, but he remembers the date of the first time he went down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 931

You deserved it 4 670

By Kfeaaa - 24/02/2009 02:31 - United States

Today, I ran up to my boyfriend and gave him a kiss. I didn't understand why the girl next to him got upset, but it turns out the voicemail I deleted by accident was him breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 028

You deserved it 7 590

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The Top

Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 763

You deserved it 2 437

Today, I jokingly asked my boyfriend to marry me, because it's a leap year. He is now avoiding me for fear that I was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 794

You deserved it 16 497

Today, I discovered that my son has an allergy to cats. My partner of two years, not wanting to fight, suggested a compromise: that my son and the cat take turns sleeping outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 738

You deserved it 5 895

Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 185

You deserved it 4 225

Today, I was stuck in an elevator with my workplace crush for 10 minutes. Trying to break the silence, I nervously said, “I’ve always thought you were amazing.” She smiled and whispered, “I thought you were the new maintenance guy.” I work in marketing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 172

Today, I heard a rumor about myself going around my high school that I am pregnant, I've dropped out of school, and that my belly is showing. I'm not actually pregnant. I've been severely depressed, so I've missed a few days of school and I've been eating too much apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 137

You deserved it 4 503