Nearly FMLs

By ILiveSoccer - 17/01/2016 09:09 - United States - Ellensburg

Today, I fought with my parents... it lasted 5 hours. During which, they noted how stupid it was that the fight was lasting that long. When I tried to respectfully leave the room to cool off, I was told that I could only leave when they gave me permission. What was it about? A toothbrush. FML.

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By Foxxy88 - 17/01/2016 09:05 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend bent over in front of me so I playfully bit her bum. Turns out she has good aim when surprised, the back hander slap she threw landed square on the side of my face leaving a hand print and dislocated my jaw. It hurt like hell but after we were both in hysterics over it. FML

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By Tomato_Cheese - 17/01/2016 07:42 - Australia

Today, I trudged 7 miles in boiling hot weather because my car broke down to get to campus for a big test we had. It was canceled.FML

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By haha that girl drama, huh? - 17/01/2016 07:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried to tell my best friend how abusive and awful her boyfriend is. She told him I attacked her and he threatened me with bodily harm if I so much as looked at her. FML

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By JillianJuneBug - 17/01/2016 07:28 - United States - Schenectady

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while breaking up with me. FML

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By Not toothpaste - 17/01/2016 06:54 - United States - Columbus

Today, my friend decided to change his shirt after I hugged him. Why? Because those 'toothpaste stains' I pointed out were actually semen from his latest masturbation session, and he forgot to change before I came over. FML.

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By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 06:38 - United States - Laguna Niguel

Today, my friend told me that it isn't rape if a person has sex with drunk person against their will because they don't have a chance to defend themselves. What I'm understanding from her logic: You can only be raped if you can defend yourself. Seems like I wasn't raped at the age of 15, then. FML.

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By SadieNix - 17/01/2016 06:09 - United States - Shreveport

Today, I found out that I have both claustrophobia and agoraphobia. Basically, small places make me feel like I'm suffocating and big places make me feel like I'm going to have a panic attack. FML

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By aahm1403 - 17/01/2016 05:34 - United States - Burnsville

Today, my four sisters and I decided we'd all go get groceries together. I thought this was some cool bonding type of thing, until I was treated like a mule and was made to put $200 worth of groceries in the car and later carry it into the house, ALONE. It's -19° F in Minnesota, FML.

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By moosemay - 17/01/2016 05:31 - Germany - Dittelbrunn

Today, I went to teach my class although I suffered from morning sickness. All went well until the kid in the first row unpacked a smelly liverwurst sandwich. I puked into the classroom sink in front of the entire class. FML

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By Ffs dad - 17/01/2016 05:31 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, my dad yelled, screamed, punched a hole in the wall and challenged me to a fight. Why? I told him something he didn't know. FML

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By so? - 17/01/2016 05:30 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, I held the door open for a girl. All she responded with was "I have a boyfriend." FML

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By awspinks77 - 17/01/2016 05:11 - Italy

Today, I caught my fiancee of 4 years cheating on me with not one, but both my brothers. They didn't stop when I walked in the bedroom and began to cry. They asked me to join. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 05:05 - Canada - Toronto

Today, we had to put our old sick dog down. Yesterday was my birthday, and our celebratory family dinner got put off until today due to scheduling conflicts. I said I'd be okay to go, but I spent the whole meal trying not to cry whenever I thought about her. FML

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By PapaSmash - 17/01/2016 04:58 - United States - Gilbert

Today, my father and I got into it because his new wife wanted me to take my earbuds out during a car ride. After asking why I had to he got angry and called me his trial-and-error child and said my brother is the perfect one. FML

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By Coach11 - 17/01/2016 04:54 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, after nearly 7 months of planning, I've learned that due to all the rain we've received this year that my home won't begin being built for another 6 months. I have an acre of land that is entirely mud. We have living room furniture and a dining table and chairs being delivered in March. FML.

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By ahass - 17/01/2016 04:40 - United States - Vacaville

Today, I spent $300 on an x-ray to find out that the spayed dog I just adopted, is in fact not spayed. FML

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By ray_ray4427 - 17/01/2016 04:24

Today, while boarding a plane, I found out my seat was next to this really cute guy. While waiting for the plane to take flight, he decided to spray Cinnamon scented Cologne, which I am highly allergic too. The plane couldn't leave. So now 1 guy thinks I'm weird and 30-40 people who hate me. FML.

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By AnonymousLizzard - 17/01/2016 04:22 - United States - Elmhurst

Today, a student gave me a pencil because I didn't have one. The teacher then made me give it back. She told me to write in blood. FML

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By AnonBetty - 17/01/2016 04:13 - United States - Dover

Today, after having the worst day of my life, my mom told me that one of my dogs has liver cancer, and that we'll have to put him down. FML

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By emlizcat - 17/01/2016 04:01

Today, in fear that I may have breast cancer, I spent hundreds of dollars on a mammogram, only to find out I just have abnormally lumpy breasts. FML

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By emlizcat - 17/01/2016 03:55

Today, I finally got over my ex, it's also the day I that found out I'm 3 months pregnant with his child. FML

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By anonymous - 17/01/2016 03:55 - United States - Melrose Park

Today, things started getting really heated with my boyfriend. Just when things were getting really good, he stopped and left, saying he had to finish homework. It's Saturday. FML

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By someamishhobo - 17/01/2016 03:49 - United States - Signal Mountain

Today, I went to a buffet, and ate alone as I usually do. About halfway through my meal, a girl walked over and said hi, then preceded to compliment me on my jacket. She then told me how she was only talking to me because I looked lonely, and she just said it to make me feel better. FML

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By Ihavetopee - 17/01/2016 03:45 - Norway

Today, my boyfriend went out with friends celebrating his birthday, while I stayed home sick. Eight hours later, after getting home too drunk, puking over himself, and blabbering uncontrollably, he's snoring loudly on our tiny bathroom floor. I can't get him to move. FML

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By SuckMyStrider - 17/01/2016 03:38 - United States - Grants Pass

Today, my friend of 6 years texted me after not keeping in touch for about 6 months and said "would it be cool if I came over?" Of course I said yes. Guess what she sent after. "Sorry wrong person." FML.

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By SevSnape - 17/01/2016 03:36 - United States - Jesup

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me in his bedroom, while a family friend's family was there. We were in the middle of it when we heard someone say, "Not that door!" from nearby outside the door. His friend's son swung the door open and was shown something life scarring. FML

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By emlizcat - 17/01/2016 03:25

Today, I came to terms with the fact that I need anger management therapy when an FML I submitted got rejected and I ended up throwing my phone at the wall shattering the screen. FML

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By emlizcat - 17/01/2016 03:20

Today, my Dad met my boyfriend for the first time, I thought that they were hitting it off when they started talking about football. My dad learned that he is a Patriots fan. I am now forbidden to see him. FML

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By emlizcat - 17/01/2016 03:13

Today, my boss called me into her office I thought she found out that I had ditched work early a few days ago, so I went in and broke down apologizing immediately. It turns out that she wanted to discuss giving me an amazing promotion. FML

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FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was selected to go on a business trip for the first time in over a decade. I called my brother about it, who then proceeded to call into question every single aspect of the trip, affirming that his wife did everything different on her trips. I had to hang up before he had me questioning my own employment. FML

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You deserved it 81

Today, I was on a long-haul plane journey home from my holiday. After 5 hours, I decided to stretch my arms whilst watching a movie. Little did I know that a little girl was approaching, running down the aisle as my arm stretched out. I accidentally clothes-lined a little 9 year old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 344

You deserved it 4 068

Today, being poor and starving, I stole a chick’s iPhone while she wasn’t looking. Turns out, she has a feature on her Apple Watch that can track the iPhone and make it go off, even if it’s on silent mode. I had to pretend I just found it and was looking for the owner so I didn’t look like a thief. FML

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You deserved it 2 506

Today, I was in a rush to get to the toilet, I went in and sat on the seat. Then I felt a stinging pain on my left bum cheek. I jumped up quickly to see a wasp splashing around in the bowl. It stung me, and now have a bum cheek twice its normal size, and pee all over my pants. FML

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Today, I thought it'd be cool and trendy to buy a Blackberry Storm. FML

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Today, I hired a babysitter for my two kids for the evening. When I came home, I found her sitting on the floor, crying with a full bowl of popcorn, watching a kids' movie. Apparently, my six-year-old had decided to re-enact every scene from the movie, and she couldn’t take it anymore. I had to hug her and assure her that she was doing a great job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 127