Nearly FMLs

By I'm Lovin' It - 16/01/2016 13:24 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I decided to he a Good Samaritan and pay for the person's meal behind me at McDonalds. Turns out, they were having a party and demanded at least two hundred dollars worth of burgers from me. FML

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By means a lot - 16/01/2016 13:11 - United States - Arlington

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time and I was pretty proud of myself because she said I wouldn't be able to. The first thing she did, however, was raise her hand for a high five. FML

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By schmoo_schmoo - 16/01/2016 12:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I just boarded a plane to get home, running on zero sleep. The couple from hell, are complaining about everything very loudly are sitting in front of me and 3 noisy kids are sitting behind, kicking my seat. Only 8 hours to go. FML

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By Kobwebs - 16/01/2016 11:57 - United States - Stony Brook

Today, I had a panic attack thinking about Trump as president. FML

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By cedar - 16/01/2016 11:33 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went out to dinner and ordered nachos. When the waiter came with my food she accidentally dropped it on me. I got another one on the house but they spilled that on me too. FML!

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By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 11:28 - United States - Spokane

Today, while staying up late taking care of our child my boyfriend is asleep in the other room moaning his ex-girlfriends name. FML

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By Noob64 - 16/01/2016 10:12

Today, while getting ready to go out, I decided to freshen my breath and ended up spraying myself in the eye by accident. I now know what it feels like to have minty fresh breath: Painful. FML

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By cantgetawayfrompsycho - 16/01/2016 10:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my mom decided to ground me. I live by my self half way across the country. She said that she'd keep me in check by calling me every 30 min and if I didn't pick up she'd call the cops. I just got home and cops are surrounding my house, fml.

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By DD - 16/01/2016 09:59

Today, a friend pointed out that I have the wrinkly dark spotted hands of an old lady. I'm 27. FML

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By Kms - 16/01/2016 09:37

Today, my mother married my ex boyfriend today... My ex boyfriend is now my stepdad.. fml.

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By Dekat121 - 16/01/2016 09:37 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I woke up to my cat in the fridge. No, no one was drunk or drugged and thought it was funny and put him in there, my cat just thinks it's funny to sneak into the fridge just as I'm closing the door, I know have one very pissed off cat. FML.

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By hoebean - 16/01/2016 09:16 - United States - Gwynn Oak

Today, my sister dropped her phone into the sewer. To make it fair, she threw mine in there after it. FML.

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By sunflower150 - 16/01/2016 08:56 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a homeless man slapped me across the face with his filthy, urine-soaked blanket. FML

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By bilingualsgetallthejobs - 16/01/2016 07:48 - United States - Mansfield Center

Today, I was fired because my boss started playing World of Warcraft and found out that Thalassian isn't a real language and completely unacceptable to put on a resume. I almost got away with it. FML

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By anonymous - 16/01/2016 07:47 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my first love finally admits 10 years later he never stopped loving me. I am now married with a child. He's 10 years too late. Now he's blowing my phone up asking for a reply to his confession of loving me FML

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By ScrewedSister - 16/01/2016 07:42 - United States - Boise

Today, my mother posted a 'cute photo' on FB, which would be fine accept for the beer in my under-aged brother's hand, she refuses to take it down or crop it because she "will loose all the likes". FML

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By danman27 - 16/01/2016 07:37 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I finally opened up to my mom about my suicidal thoughts. Her response was to call me an ungrateful piece of shit. Thanks mom. FML

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By anonymous - 16/01/2016 07:33 - Australia - Hampton

Today, I tried to turn my air conditioner on but the fan doors wouldn't work. Shortly after I pulled them open it rained maggots all over my head and dining room table. The culprit? a rotting mouse corpse.FML

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By Ayax - 16/01/2016 07:28 - United States - Louisville

Today, I found out I am getting suspended for defending myself from a fellow student. They tried to punch me, buy my Judo training kicked in. My principal said I should have 'taken it like a man' and said you can't punch him because he's black. FML

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By HoboMeth - 16/01/2016 07:21 - United States - San Diego

Today, I guess my boss and I both have each other's contact information dialed under "douchebag." FML

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By lol why tho - 16/01/2016 07:12 - United States - Lehi

Today, I decided to loose my virginity to my girlfriend, all was going well until she started her period. While I was inside her. FML

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By thepeachymuffin - 16/01/2016 06:51 - United States - Newport

Today, while trying to fall asleep, I decided to use the counting sheep method. I had a panic attack while trying to count the sheep. Guess whose insomnia won't be an easy fix? FML

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By completely screwed - 16/01/2016 06:36 - United States

Today, I found out Im pregnant. It is with my abusive, transgendered, estranged husband. I was looking forward to being single and focusing on myself. FML.

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By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 06:22 - United States - Calumet City

Today I got friend-zoned by my girlfriend after she cheated on me. FML.

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By valeriap12 - 16/01/2016 06:18 - United States - Yuma

Today, I realised my fiance doesn't care about my asthma anymore. Between him constantly blowing smoke in my face, and his refusal to cut down despite all my warnings, he won't stop smoking. I'm now in the hospital with pneumonia. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 06:17 - United States - Harriman

Today, I finally told my girlfriend that I'm suffering from anxiety and severe depression. She then broke up with claiming that she "Couldn't be with such a broken person." this is the same woman who said she'd love me, regardless of my flaws. FML.

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By miss_me08 - 16/01/2016 06:08 - United States - Raleigh

Today, after holding it during a huge rush of customers, I was finally free to run to the bathroom. Before I even left from behind the counter, I sneezed forcefully and pissed myself. FML.

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By Jnnelly - 16/01/2016 06:05 - United States - Shawnee

Today, I was looking for the man who stole my bike, later I went to my brothers house to see he had the bike and denied that it was mine. the bike cost $2,000....... FML

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By why me - 16/01/2016 06:02 - Australia - Box Hill

Today, I had dinner at my boyfriends house. It went great until they served the ice cream for dessert and didn't tell me about the nuts. Long story short, one bite later I threw up at the table. My boyfriend hasn't talked to me since. FML

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By blueRocks - 16/01/2016 05:59 - United States

Today, I started hurting in my stomach & the bottom of my chest. It became excruciating, I had heating bags on it. I was praying & crying. After racking my brain about what I had eaten today, I finally realized that it was the excercises I did yesterday. FML

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The Top

Today, I got laid off. I spent the last two months planning a conference for my company. They fired me the day before the conference. I skipped my ex-boyfriend's funeral to be at the first day of this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 217

Today, my boyfriend of seven and a half years broke up with me. By text message. FML

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You deserved it 323

Today, my mom spent an hour lecturing me on how I'm a doormat who lets people walk all over me, and that I needed to be more assertive. So I stood up and told my dad, no, I am not going on that forestry camp he wants me to go to. Mom sat silently by as he screamed and grounded me for the entire summer. FML

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You deserved it 119

Today, my boss was telling everyone that he knew a guy who went to a college at which multiple people were shot and killed recently. Being extremely socially awkward and uncomfortable, I blurted, "That's awesome." Now everyone in the office is terrified of me. FML

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You deserved it 25 224

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me and told me to untag him in a picture I posted of us on Facebook. Apparently his girl best friend saw the photo and got upset with him because he never told her about our relationship. She’s no longer speaking to him and he blames me. We’ve been dating for 7 months. FML

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Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with me because she didn't want to "ruin my innocence." FML

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You deserved it 3 991