Nearly FMLs

By Debbie - 16/01/2016 05:55 - United States - Oakland

Today, my neighbors across the street painted their house bright orange. I work from home all day and my office looks directly out at their house. I have always despised the color orange. FML

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By controlled - 16/01/2016 05:48 - United States

Today, I had to get permission from my extremely controlling husband in order to be friends with a girl from work. She came to me in tears & said she doesn't have anyone to hang out with & we're friends at work but she knows he's picky so she'll come talk to him if necessary. FML

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By blueRocks - 16/01/2016 05:37 - United States

Today, I was babysitting. I have had trouble with constipation for about 10 yrs. I'm 21 & I realized just how bad it is when the 4 yr old had a (normal size) but larger bowel movement than I've had in weeks. FML

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By BlownAway - 16/01/2016 05:31 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was browsing Craigslist for a cheap leafblower to get rid of all the leaves on my lawn. I found a post from fall that said "Just in time for fall, but I don't blow leaves ;)" There's one for a snow blower for winter too. Both of them are from my girlfriend. FML.

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By are_u_kiddn - 16/01/2016 05:25 - United States - Duluth

Tonight after work, I remembered I had to buy some drinks for my fridge. So as I'm walking out to my car across a 0° parking lot, one of my 12-packs of Brisk decides it wants to rip completely in half and spill into the dirt-ridden snow. The two girls who witnessed it snickered and kept walking. FML

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By jdubisjdawg - 16/01/2016 05:15 - United States - York

Today, I was talking about the amount of time it takes to retwist my dreads at my fiance's grandparents house. Her grandfather was quick to chime in that I could get my hair cut like his and never have to worry about it. He's balding and been that way since his twenties. FML

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By Sam - 16/01/2016 05:14

Today,I walked in on my brother fucking my wife for 15 years FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 05:03 - United States - Chico

Today, I told my boss I wasn't feeling well. Being aware I was hospitalized not long ago, returning to work, being the go-to employee, and never requesting days off except for illness, my boss firstly wanted to know if I'd be able to regularly work again. It felt like she was guilt tripping me. FML

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By LuckyKentucky - 16/01/2016 04:50 - United States - Newburgh

Today, during an interview, I started passing a kidney stone. I sat answering questions while dripping sweat and trying not to pass out from the pain. I then drove myself to the ER where they refused to give me any medications until my mom could get there. She lives 45 minutes away from me. FML

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By Why - 16/01/2016 04:46 - United States - Glasgow

Today,my girlfriend of 7 years was having sex with my dad, FML.

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You deserved it 1

By Qcorchado - 16/01/2016 04:39 - United States

Today, after three years of convincing my husband to give our dogs away because we don't have time for them, the lady that was supposed to take them changed her mind. FML

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By RiddleMePancake - 16/01/2016 04:28 - United States - Meridian

Today, after gargling with throat-numbing medice, my father spiked my coca cola with hard liquor. Not noticing, i thought it'd be okay to drive to the store and when i got pulled over for expired tags the officer could smell me..It became a long night... FML

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By anonymous - 16/01/2016 04:20 - Canada - Calgary

Today, it's my birthday. I got to school wearing my favourite outfit, and greeted my best friend who was wearing the exact same thing. She started yelling at me for wearing the same thing as her because apparently she texted me that she was going to wear that outfit first. FML.

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By Thecatnapper - 16/01/2016 04:12 - United States - Denham Springs

Today, my mom's possessive fiancé got a new kitten. I later heard him tell my mom that I've "stolen" his kitten, and that he will take my cat away from me as punishment. Why? Because the kitten decided to sleep in my lap instead of his. FML

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By cheeeksss - 16/01/2016 04:11 - United States - Palmdale

Today, I was stuck in the unfortunate situation where I had to finish eating my dinner whilst shitting on the toilet. FML

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By MamaYama - 16/01/2016 03:56 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, my daughter has a stomach flu. Not only was she throwing up every couple hours, twice she threw up down my shirt. Hopefully it's only a twelve hour bug and not forty eight. My boobs, hot water tank and washing machine can't handle anymore puke. FML

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By phillip - 16/01/2016 03:50 - Anonymous Proxy

Today, I gave my sister photos proving her husband has slept with other women. Yet she got angry at me when he managed to convince her I edited him into over 50 pictures trying to break up their perfect marriage because I'm jealous. Well, fuck the pair of them and their "PERFECT" marriage FML

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By DesiH52 - 16/01/2016 03:48 - United States - Antioch

Today, I realized how serious my step-mom was being about kicking me out of the house right after graduation when I caught her packing my stuff in boxes. Graduation is 5 months away. FML

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By Trapgirl747 - 16/01/2016 03:47 - Canada - North Star

Today, I discovered my stepmom drained my savings account I've been keeping since I was ten for my future. She spent all of my money on smokes and HER car payments and gas to go pick up her deadbeat siblings and go for joyrides. There goes $10,000 down the drain. FML

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By stangbang92 - 16/01/2016 03:37 - United States - Houston

Today, at work I was dealing with a supervisor that seemed like he was just having a bad day. Through all of it he would never answer any of my questions. After not hearing him say one call he sent me home half way through the day. His reason. I was being "rude" to him. Now I can't make rent. FML

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By EverettA - 16/01/2016 03:16 - United States - Columbus

Today, my horrible acne decided to come it all around my upper lip giving the appearance that I had tons of herpes blisters. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 03:15 - United States - Ashland

Today, my gas was so toxic that I felt the need to apologize to a stuffed animal. FML.

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By Jambafail - 16/01/2016 03:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, someone decided it was appropriate to dye their hair and destroy our bathroom in the process. Guess who spent over an hour unclogging the toilet and scrubbing the walls. FML

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By Blablabla - 16/01/2016 03:12 - United States

Today, we went on a road trip to Arizona, my brother is 16 years old and puts his blanket from the handle to his head rest. He can see out the window and can clearly hear us. He says "I can't hear you I'm in my cave." Every time we try to talk to him. He only pokes his head out to sip his drink. FML

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By zombombaby - 16/01/2016 03:01 - Canada - Edmonton

My mom suprised me by turning her birthday party, that I planned for her, into a graduation party for me. Two days later she yelled at me for not doing anything for her birthday despite planning the party and giving her an expensive gift. I have 3 siblings who didn't help or pitch for the gift. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/01/2016 02:56 - United States - Cranford

Today, despite not being a runner what-so-ever, I was diagnosed with major shin splints and a possible stress fracture. All from my PE class. I'm still failing the class because the teacher says I'm not putting in enough effort. FML

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By sanraishere9090 - 16/01/2016 02:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my sister to check on my husband because he was sick. I left early to buy him medicine. But turns out that they had another solution by having sex. FMl

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By anonymousgirl97 - 16/01/2016 02:30 - United States - Kill Devil Hills

Today, I was having a melt down from my depression when my boyfriend messaged me saying "I'm here". I was so excited I ran to the door before remembering he's in the hospital and meant he's here to support me over messages. FML

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By ddee - 16/01/2016 02:16 - United States - Atlanta

Today, a woman on subway gave me her seat, then proceeded to ask "when I'm due". I'm a 32 year old man. FML.

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By shitty16tg - 16/01/2016 02:14 - United States - Lincoln

Today, the day after my 16th birthday, my aunt came up for a surprise visit. Instead of bringing me a gift, she brought a 45 minute lecture on why my mix of a's and b's will send me to community college and ruin my life. Thanks for the advice, but couldn't it have come at a better time? FML.

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The Top

Today, I realized how self-absorbed my mother is when she came to visit, and was so upset at my sibling over a non-issue that she didn't notice I was high so I wouldn't have to remember anything she said. I was hoping for a healthier relationship with my family. FML

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Today I was walking around the mall and I saw my crush from high school. He came up to me and, instead of talking to him, I burped, and he just walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 788

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Today, my wife decided she wants to disregard our five-year plan to have kids, and is experimenting with the idea of having her tubes tied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

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Today, on a train, a little boy and girl come up to me and ask how babies are made. Already pretty uncomfortable with their question, their mother suddenly appears and says, "Go on, tell them!" FML

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Today, a toddler threw up on my backpack mid-flight. FML

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This is basically me during every conflict I've ever witnessed.

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You deserved it 113