Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 04:24 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I ran a triathlon. I lost, and the only reason for that was because my tracker was the only one that worked. Everyone lied about their scores, although I had lapped every single one of them. First place prize was $2000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By BK1776 - 19/02/2016 04:23 - United States - Springfield

Today, at work I was helping push carts because the cart guy couldn't keep up with all the carts being used. While I pushing dozens of carts at a time he was inside hiding in another department on his phone. I got in trouble because there weren't enough carts in the other departments. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Sad - 19/02/2016 04:18 - Canada - Prince George

Today, as I've always been a lonely teenager, I decided to get a kitten as companion. He really lifted my mood and quickly became my best friend; he loves me as much as I love him. I found out I'm severely allergic. I can't pet him without struggling to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By NotIntoIt - 19/02/2016 04:15 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, my husband tied me up completely, and pulled out the lube and a dildo. He stuck it up my ass and after I told him I wasn't into it, he walked around all day reminding me that he had now successfully stuck something up my ass. I married a child. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 04:13 - United States - Taunton

Today, I spent two hours packing for a week-long trip and then left the house. When I came back home at midnight, I found out my mother had "helpfully" unpacked my bag and put everything away. My plane leaves at 2:00 this morning, and the airport is an hour drive from my house. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 04:12 - United States - Nampa

My fiancée and I started living together almost a year ago with all of our kids. He has his from a previous marriage and I have mine. With the wedding just around the corner his oldest told me today that they hate me and don't want me as their stepmom because their mom doesn't like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By ehailey - 19/02/2016 04:08 - United States - Granite Bay

My girlfriend told me she was bisexual and was leaving me for her friend. This happened the day I planned to tell her I loved her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Mitch_Venner - 19/02/2016 04:04 - United States - Silver Spring

Today I found out not everyone understands my sense of humor as I nervously made tv show reference jokes as I met my girlfriends dad. An ex marine who keeps a 10 gauge by the door... Which he repeatedly looked at while we talked FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By stingray112 - 19/02/2016 04:00 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, my parents had to fill out several questions for a survey about me for my school. One of the questions requires them to create a simile that best describes me. My dad thought that "Will is like bacteria, eventually he grows on you." Was the best choice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By GreyGirl - 19/02/2016 03:58 - United States - Roseville

Today, at school while going to the bathroom another girl thought it would be funny to stick her phone under the door an take a picture of me when i kicked her phone away it cracked and now I'm in detention and shes not in any trouble. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By mash - 19/02/2016 03:46 - United States - Mechanicsburg

Today, an individual at my school decided it would be an amazing idea to shit in the water fountain. It's been weeks and the smell still won't leave the halls. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By NoTimeToExplain - 19/02/2016 03:36 - United States - Mesa

Today, in P.E. the biggest kid in our grade slipped and fell in front of me while we were playing basketball. This would of been ok if his pants didn't slide down to his knees when he fell or if he had wiped his ass in the bathroom today.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By superspy3214 - 19/02/2016 03:30 - United States - Herndon

Today, me and my manager had to spend 2 hours dealing with a woman who wouldn't give up her handicapped seat to triple amputee wounded veteran who could barely walk. The worst part, she even said she wasn't handicapped but still wouldn't move.

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Grounded for life - 19/02/2016 03:20 - United States - Overland Park

Today, my parents found 3 condoms, 4 cans of dip (chewing tobacco) and an e-cigarette (vape), I'm 16 and all of which were not mine, they were my friends that I had taken for them when I dropped them off because there parents are much stricter than mine, apparently not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 2

By anonymous - 19/02/2016 03:03 - United States - Katy

Today, I decided to get home a little early to make my girlfriend a surprise 2 year anniversary dinner, only to walk in on my dad balls deep in her. The worst part, he asked me if I wanted to join FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 19/02/2016 02:51 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, when I was playing with my daughter I noticed some drawings at the side of her toys. When she left to go use the bathroom I looked through them, I soon discovered some of them were pictures of her murdering my wife and saying "daddy and I are happy together".

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By backfired - 19/02/2016 02:47 - United States - Toledo

Today, my sister told me she felt like her boyfriend was cheating on her. After telling her not to worry because there was no proof, I later saw her boyfriend. He told me he was actually married and cheating on his wife with my sister. I can't muster up the guts to tell her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By SyydyCanFlyy - 19/02/2016 02:43 - United States - Owingsville

Today, I found out my best friend, the guy I'm in love with, is dating a girl again who left him the first time to screw other people. He wants to bring her to my house party and I can't say anything because I'm not his type, which is under 5'2, less than 110 pounds, and barely legal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MikaykayUnicorn - 19/02/2016 02:41 - United States - Comanche

Today, while talking to my mother, I shat my pants. Everyone kept asking what the foul smell was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By skullover23 - 19/02/2016 02:36 - United States - Hudson

Today, at work, a lady dropped a candle in my check out lane. She started bending down to pick it up when I told her to leave it. She rushed to the bathroom and came out with a red eye claiming glass was in it. She claimed she was going to the hospital and is going to sue us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By julian8wilson - 19/02/2016 02:27 - New Zealand - Papakura

Today, I was having sex with my friend with benefits when I realized I was past the point of return. She made me scoop the cum out with a plastic spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By MissClass - 19/02/2016 02:17 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. 2 weeks ago we moved in together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By tinudaindian - 19/02/2016 02:01 - United States - Kendall Park

Today, my friend thought a good way for me to talk to my crush was through Snapchat, so she stole her phone and added me. When I added her back, I decided to start a conversation with "How'd you get my SC?" She apologized and removed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 1

By anonymous - 19/02/2016 01:45 - United States - Madison

Today, I was teaching a class on car mechanic safety. When I was teaching the class the car burst into flames and gave me third degree burns up both my arms. On top of that my boss fired me for being irresponsible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By I'mNotCrazy - 19/02/2016 00:18 - Canada - Beaverton

Today, after years of battling and denying my depression and PTSD in fear of it being downplayed by my family, I finally admitted to my mother that I needed help. She said "you don't need help, people make up mental illnesses so that they can make money on the drugs they give you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By epicosity10 - 19/02/2016 00:11 - Japan

Today, I posted on Instagram that I was moving across the country. It got triple the likes I usually got. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By 28actress - 18/02/2016 23:52 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, like every other day we play, my boyfriend screamed at me until I cried for performing poorly in League of Legends. He then got mad at me for crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 18/02/2016 23:51 - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, I was sitting and doing my homework and this guy in my math class messages me. I never had a crush on him, I like him only as friend. Our conversation was going well until he said "I want to watch a video of you shower. You probably won't give me one though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By little putter - 18/02/2016 23:41 - United States - Lanett

Today, I was getting checked for a hernia at my physical. I had the biggest erection. My doctor is a straight male. He said I'm sorry I made ur little putter pop up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

By Blobmono - 18/02/2016 23:33 - United States - Vancouver

Today, for my eighteenth birthday I got several empty boxes and an eviction notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I went on a first date with my crush. Turns out we only have one thing in common: we would both bang Hillary Clinton. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 197

You deserved it 4 639

Today, I walked in on my son teabagging his sister over a video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 738

You deserved it 3 513

Today, I got really sick at my boyfriend's house, and barely made it to the toilet in time to throw up. it got on my shirt so I asked if I could borrow one of his. He said I could wear one of his dad's shirts because he didn't want his to get too stretched out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 981

You deserved it 7 218

Today, I was the DJ for a company party that was supposed to end at 11 p.m. The company ended up wanting music late and my boss made me stay there until they got tired, which ended up being 3 a.m. I start work at my other job at 7 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 623

You deserved it 1 020

Today, I woke up to a blood-curdling scream from the living room. I jumped up and went running, only to find out it was my mother, who'd screamed at some dramatic plot twist in a Sex and the City episode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 400

You deserved it 3 506

Today, I found out I have sodium fluoride poisoning. Apparently, my water has a high level of sodium fluorine. I've been drinking much more water lately trying to be healthier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 054

You deserved it 2 766